admanthemadman

My mom has been filling prescriptions in my name all over town. She is changing my contact information with my doctors and I have tried everything I can think of to stop her. I have notified my doctors, my pharmacy even my work, but no matter what precautions I put in place she gets around them. I recently found out that she has been getting 150 pills per month in my name for at least three years. She has even been able to get medication from doctors I have never even seen. I don't know how she is doing it, but I have to make it stop. Has anyone had anything like this happen? I don't have any idea what to do and I am soooooo very desperate, I just want to cry and stay in bed all day. My step dad wants my mom out of the house and away from my siblings, I am the oldest of 7 kids. He wants me to report my identity as stolen and press charges on my mom. But I think these are very serious crimes; identity theft, insurance fraud and the narcotics charges. I need advise from people who have been thru this. Please help me. I have no idea where to go, what to do or who to talk to. I just cry.

Taking5

What kind of help are you looking for? If you want this to stop, your step dad's advice is rock solid.

If you want this to stop with no legal repercussions on your mother, I know of no way to accomplish this.

HealthyLimits

I totally agree, very few seem to make a choice without hitting bottom. I have covered for my father in the past, even warning him of a DUI check point I knew he was headed for while drinking. Now I wish I'd never kept him from hitting bottom.

Your mother is an adult, she should never put you in a spot to have to make this choice and I'm sorry you have to. But if didn't report this to the police and she ODed in a year would you feel like it was your fault? Would you wish you had reported her? She's an adult, she's making a choice and you're doing nothing wrong by holding her accountable for those choices.

Sounds like your step father is on the right track as well and the two of you together may have far more impact than one at a time.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you...

GiveLove

adman,

Your stepdad, dgillz, and HealthyLimits are all right. You cannot stop this unless you do the hard thing -- which also happens to be the right thing. And, making it an easier choice: it is the only thing you can do. Talk to your doctors and make sure they know what is happening, and make sure ONLY YOU can change your contact information. Ask them how she is doing this -- they will know how, and they can suggest other options.

But really, the only thing that ever stops addicts from abusing us (and do not doubt for a MINUTE that it's abuse that's going on) is to make them suffer the consequences for their actions. This is how they learn, this is how they reach their bottom so they can start to fight their way back to life. Protecting her is just denying her the opportunity to hit bottom.

You will be doing her a favor, though you may not see it now. You are enabling her to continue her addiction by not acting on this. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but really it's just the first step that's the hardest.

It probably seems like a huge thing to do, but try to take one small step today. Report your identity as stolen, and/or talk to someone online or on the phone about your options. Here's a good number in Stockton:
City of Stockton, CA - Police Department - "How do I report...?".
You don't have to act on anything just yet. Just take one small step. It can start lifting the weight from your chest.

Life is too short to spend it crushed under the weight of depression because of something YOU DIDN'T CAUSE, CAN'T CONTROL, AND CAN'T CURE. I hope you can find the strength to just do something little to ease your burden today.

Hugs,
GL

justanothrdrunk

Call the police.

lostnfound1961

I think you do need to call the police. This is not going to stop till you do and even if you hate to see her prosacuted, at least she will not be able to do the drugs in jail.

I was also thinking that if she is getting prescriptions from doctors you have never seen then she either has a friend ptetending to be you or she has stolen scrip.

It's one thing if she wants to destroy her self but she is pulling you into this and only you can stop the decent. (call the cops) Let her rant and put the blame on you, all it is is talk. She is to blame for her own actions an your responabilaty is to your self. Just think, she may just go down the line of siblings and mess them up too.

I also think you need to hit some ACOA meetings and get some friendly face to face support.
Hugs and I wish you stringth.
D

admanthemadman

Thank you all very much for your responses. I never dreamed I would get a reply so quickly. I must admit this is not the advice I hoped to get, but it is probably what I needed to hear. Has anyone known anyone who has gone to jail because of their addiction? I just can't image jail helping anyone. My mom is so weak and frail. I just don't know if I could live with myself if someone hurt her while she was locked away. I know I need to stop her, but what about an intervention. Has anyone had any luck with that? She went to Rehab for a few weeks in July, but got kicked out for non participation and she was back in the hospital by September. I know she filled prescriptions two days after she got out of Rehab and one week after getting out of the hospital. I keep hearing people talk about addicts hitting bottom, but she has almost died 3 times this year alone, if hitting bottom was going to help, wouldn't death be ofly close to bottom?

DesertEyes

Hey there adman and pleased to "meet" you.

I know a lot of people who went to jail because of addiction, some of my best friends got sober there and have been living a clean and sober life ever since. No, almost dying has nothing to do with "bottom". Bottom is when an addict realizes there is _no other_ choice left for them but to get clean and sober. As long as your Mom keeps getting away with stealing your identity.... why should she stop?

When it comes to interventions, you can ask in our other forum here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/

they know all about dealing with a family member that is addicted to pills. Ask them over there for their experience, or if you prefer I can just move your posts over there for you and save you a bit of typing

Mike

lostnfound1961

You said you would feel bad if anything happened to her while she was locked up and you said she has nearly died three times from her addiction. If you turn her in she may go to jail and she can't get kicked out and she will have to stop useing while she is there (ggod points) Something bad might happen to her but it may not, something wonderful could happen to her.

If you don't turn her in she may just die beore ever sees the bottom. I vote for turning her in. Your doing this because you love her and in time she will figure that out.
Hugs
D

Wascally Wabbit

I can only imagine what you're going through.
Unfortunately it won't stop till YOU stop it.
Maybe you should talk to your pastor or rabbi.
Get some mental counseling asap. This is not an easy thing to deal with.
I have seen several on here who had had enough after it ruined their lives, and they finally gave in and let their parent be arrested.
Know what? When they're in jail they dry out, so jail can be a good thing.

GingerM

adman, while I agree with everyone else that calling the cops on her is the best thing you can do, I also realize that this is a pretty huge step for you to take and if you're having difficulties getting past the guilt, then I would strongly urge you to call your health insurance company. Ask them if they can put a hold on your account so that nothing (no doctor's appointments, no prescriptions etc) can go through without them verifying it with you. I think you could simply state that you had your identity stolen, and they could flag the account - I don't think you'd need to get into specifics.

If they find someone else using your account/name, then they would be the one to press charges. All you'd be doing is notifying them that you think something is amiss.

You could also ask them for a new membership number, effective immediately.

If "someone" wants to deal with insurance fraud, then it will be the insurance company who "caught" your mom and they could file charges (or not) as they wish.

I believe the likelihood of your mom get sentenced to jail time, however, is minimal. Even if you reported her _and_ got the insurance company on your side, I believe the most they'd do is sentence her to rehab (not a bad thing) and possibly in-house detention (the ankle bracelet thing).

In a way, you are in an enviable position. Many of us with functioning addicts in our lives don't have the "advantage" of our addicts presenting us with an easy way to get them into rehab.

That being said, I still don't envy you (or any of the rest of us for that matter, I'm sure we all have better things to do with our lives than worry ourselves over our addicts).

admanthemadman

Desert eyes, I would appreciate it very much if you moved my post into one you feel may help. I do appreciate all your input. I have gotten a new medical record number and informed them of the issue. I told my mom I was onto her and committed myself to calling the cops if she manages to get into my medical record. I am seeking help dealing with the guilt I already feel for what I know I am going to have to do. Thank you again for all your input.

Stubborn1

Press charges right away. This can come back to haunt you as you get older. It could follow you to jobs, to schools. EVERYTHING is stored through your social security number and kept on file. God forbid you have kids one day and it looks like you were a pill popper.
Look out for yourself right away.

DesertEyes

Done. You are now with the experts on dealing with the issues you are struglgling with.

Mike

jackiedawn1980

Hi, my name is Jackie. You may not like my advice but I am going to try to get to you. You have to do what you have to in order to care for yourself and your family members, including your mom. You need to report this before it comes back on you and you go to prison. This is coming from someone who knows what they're talking about. I was released from prison in August, after 3 years. I am an addict and was in several classes, and meetings, with other addicts (pills, coke, meth, etc..). There are women there for using other peoples names like you are experiencing with your mom. You don't want to go there, trust me. Why should you have to pay for her mistakes?! You are obviously already having problems with your feelings and confusion over everything; it's not going to get better until you let her know that you are NOT going to accept it. Your actions speak louder than words.
I wish you well, and hope you will make the right decision. It doesn't mean you love her any less, you'd be getting her some help at the same time.

NeedingHelp7

That is the scariest thing. It's enough to have to worry about identity theft, but that way is even scarier. You need to call the police they will come to your house or you go to the police station yourself and press charges, talk to an investigator at the police station. They will help you do what needs to be done. I don't see how your mother can see a Dr. under your name, let alone get a script filled under your name. You will need to get all contact forms, copies that she has changed, and take those with you to the police. Thats a start and they can go from there. You need to protect yourself quickly.

Ann

Welcome to the FFSA forum. You don't say how old you are but I am guessing you are maybe in your twenties, legal age. If your mother is found out by someone else and charged, you could be charged for knowing about it and doing nothing, that would be assisting her in her crime, and yes, I am sorry to say, it is a crime.

While you are not responsible for your mother's addiction, or her bad choices and illegal actions, you are responsible for protecting yourself and your siblings from her. If she has done this to you, odds are good she has done the same thing with your siblings....addicts just can't stop once they get started.

I am so very sorry for your pain and for the sadness this must cause you. And I am sorry there are no easy answers for you. But sweetie, please listen to your step dad and all those who suggest that you call the police. You could all end up in jail if you don't.

Hugs and prayers for all of you

greeteachday

Welcome Adman...There's lots of gooud counsel here and you've taken some great steps towards doing what you have to do to protect yourself. Oddly enough, often times that helps the addict as well, because it is no longer so "easy" to get away with things to get high.

You'll find tons of support here...people who have been where you are and understand how you feel. I found that and face to face support through Naranon meetings to really help me deal with the baggage I carried as a rsult of addiction in my life.

outtolunch

How does someone use someone else's identiy to obtain multiple prescriptions?

ZombieWife

The only way I can think of to keep her from using your name/information is to change your name/information. I know you can change your SS# and your name. That would make the name/SS# she's using invalid. Then, you wouldn't be ruining your own medical reputation. It's extreme, and it's a bit passive, but I would consider it if you aren't willing to call the police on her.

Else, she could trash your credit and really make you financial life hell.