LowBottom

Well, I have been struggling with my husband. After 4+ years he got loaded and for the past 6 months (probably more) I have been going crazy with his disease. I have posted about it a couple of times - I was torn between "for better or for worse", I was torn about pushing him further into the streets, I was torn about losing him completely, I was torn about him risking my own recovery from drugs - just torn. Finally today I exploded (bad behavior), hit him, slashed his tires, threw a saw at him, yelled a bunch of lovely names at him and the neighbors called the cops and we have agreed to seperate. Finally, the neighbors helped me do for me what I could not do for myself.

And to be honest, I am still torn but feel a big relief - just let him go do what ever it is he needs to do to hit his bottom, end up in prison, get clean or whatever.

I hate acting out, it makes me feel terrible about me and in retrospect it is so stupid, it fixes nothing.

I pray I stay strong and that his higher power will lead him to recovery. But mostly I pray I stay strong because i know that the only thing that is going to help him is a higher power and all I am going to do is kill him with my "kindness".

Thanks for listening... and any advice on how to be and stay strong is welcomed.

lizw

Give him to god/your HP.
And take it easy on yourself.
:ghug3

Impurrfect

I understand the acting out. The ONLY time I've ever done that is when I've been involved in a codie relationship, kept everything inside, until it finally exploded.

What helped me to stay strong, was to write down things that he'd done that had hurt me, made me angry, let me down. When I started missing him, I would read over the very long list and remember why we weren't together.

I also had to go "no contact" for a while. It was just too hard to talk to him, so I didn't until I felt stronger, which took quite a while.

We have to grieve for the end of a relationship and it hurts. But as long as we keep working on US, we get through it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

funkzter

hi there,

i understand how you must have felt though i never went there but i sure could have.
i did kick my addict though, 3 years ago, and i felt relief yet i won't lie to ou: it was HARD!
Prepare the tolls to your recovery

take care x
Carine

LowBottom

This list is a great idea. I will do that. Because I am still having a hard time of it. It is one of the toughest things I have done. Crazy ~ and I a feel so helpless. I want to cave but I am not - I just keep telling myself you are doing this because you love him. Stay strong.

Thanks for your advice and kinds words. Yeah, I am giving it over the my HP

Neverwanted

Going crazy from his disease. Says it all. Drugs can turn a rational person to react to their sickness in kind....with explosion.

It took guts and strength to post what happened. You are strong. Maybe you cannot see it but there is a woman in there fighting for calm sanity free from drugs. Brightest blessings.

hope213

(((((((((lowbottom))))))) go to meetings, read around, & get as much recovery under your belt as you can. it is not easy but anything worthwhile is hard.

rozied

I just read your post & bot can I relate. My 1st hubby was a compulsive gamler & after 10yrs of an on again off again marriage I ended it. I finally decided that any relationship that brought out the absolute worse in me was a relationship not worth having. Stay strong, its the best thing to do for both of you.
Love,
Diane

HurtingDad

You're doing the right thing. It's up to his HP now. You need to take care of yourself. B-R-E-A-T-H-E