Why does it bother me?
 

So, my RAH sends me a text today and tells me he has 60 days sober today. I responded with "I thought you said it would be on Monday" and he said, no it's today. So, I get my calendar out and count the days, and 60 days is actually on Monday. So this really bothers me...why?? Why do I care??? So, instead of arguing, I just said, "Congratulations, I'm so happy for you". But this really bothers me, and it bothers me that it bothers me. It's like I'm compelled to correct him. But I'm refraining. What matters is that he thinks it's 60 days and it's working for him, and I don't want to steal his joy, right?? Obviously, I still need to work on myself and work my program harder! Thanks for letting me put it on paper....cyber paper I guess.

I can sooooo relate to this type of thing.

We have to work hard to let this type of thing go... At least I did/do...

(((hugs)))

I'm horrible on that kind of thing. I just have to be right. A lot of it goes back to when I was married to my first AH. He had my mind so screwed up especially on things he swore he told me, when I knew he hadn't and things like so and so days ago, this or that happened, and again I knew it was either longer or shorter. He liked to mess with my mind so much I get upset even now when I know I'm right and they're wrong, I just have to tell somebody, even the things that just don't matter. It also gets me riled up cause I associate it with all the lies he told me. I know it's not the same thing but my mind says "there you go, lying to me again."

Glad to know I'm not alone.

I used to be the same way, and still am, at times. I think, like Baxter, it just brings up feelings of being lied to.

I finally had to learn to ask myself "does it really matter if he knows you're right? Is it going to change anything"...the answer was always "no". I've had to bite my tongue, more than a few times, but finally accepted that I know I'm right and that just has to be good enough.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Sounds so familiar. This was a way of knowing he was lying without him coming straight out and saying it. I would ask "so how many days is this?" and he would always have a different answer. He would go as far as to get chips and give them to his children as a token that he was staying sober. What a crock.

well I think it's great that he's got 60 days or 57 or whatever. That's a big deal for a crack addict. However, truth be told, it's just a drop in a bucket when you think about staying clean for a lifetime. That's why we focus on staying clean one day at a time. In reality it's his clean time, and he can count it however he wants. All the while remembering that all it takes is one stupid move to screw it all up.

So curious what's working for him this time that he hasn't tried before? What's he doing differently this time to accumulate all this time?

What about you? What are YOU doing differently? Tell us about your program. I'm sure you could help alot of people here if you shared what you are doing to take care of yourself while your husband faces his addiction. Do you have boundaries in place? Are you sticking with them? Are you getting counseling?

I read a post like this and it makes me giggle because that would just be maddening to me - I completely relate. I can have an argument over the color of something with my son - he is color blind but cant admit he may be wrong and it drives me crazy.
Does anyone know if the codependent personality also tends to be a perfectionist?

Yes! :lmao

I was really struggling with that last week in my college classes. Now to think that a 50 year old woman who hasn't been in college for years and years would make straight A's is shooting just a little too high, but not for me.

So I proceded to beat myself up over and over on a stinking B! For the love of mud, I was driving myself crazy!

I am still so tempted to be critical of my 20 year old AD instead of letting her learn from her own mistakes, and I've really been working hard on biting my tongue and just listening to her, instead of giving advice all the time!

off topic
 

but crushed, I LOVE YOUR NAME!

(me too)