Just need somebody to communicate with right now
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
JMF,
There were times when I was so swayed by my AD that I had to have written statements, on a card, by the phone for when she called and I actually answered. Here are some of those statements:
1. I'm sorry you feel that way. (For when she was trying to guilt, intimidate or manipulate me.)
2. That may work for you but it doesn't work for me. (Ok, so "NO" would be shorter, but this is a softer, gentler touch.
3. I'm always willing to do what is in your best interest. (LOVED this one, especially when she was asking for money. Just tack on, "And I don't think that would be in your best interest." Stopped her dead in her tracks.
4. You know, you could be right. I'll have to think about that. (Just a way to show I didn't think I was always right, but what it was really doing was putting her off.)
5. And as Jody Hepler told me, her sis who teaches elementary school used this one (not even on addicts...well, let's hope not, she teaches youngsters)...They'd come up to her, whining, just like addicts. Her response.... "Bummer!" Love it, love it, love it. Addict just quacking like crazy and I say, "Oh, what a bummer."
Write these down, keep them buy the phone, in your pocketbook, at your desk at work. Can't tell you how many times I've used them. They are like an SR cheat sheet!
Hugs,
Hangin' In
There were times when I was so swayed by my AD that I had to have written statements, on a card, by the phone for when she called and I actually answered. Here are some of those statements:
1. I'm sorry you feel that way. (For when she was trying to guilt, intimidate or manipulate me.)
2. That may work for you but it doesn't work for me. (Ok, so "NO" would be shorter, but this is a softer, gentler touch.
3. I'm always willing to do what is in your best interest. (LOVED this one, especially when she was asking for money. Just tack on, "And I don't think that would be in your best interest." Stopped her dead in her tracks.
4. You know, you could be right. I'll have to think about that. (Just a way to show I didn't think I was always right, but what it was really doing was putting her off.)
5. And as Jody Hepler told me, her sis who teaches elementary school used this one (not even on addicts...well, let's hope not, she teaches youngsters)...They'd come up to her, whining, just like addicts. Her response.... "Bummer!" Love it, love it, love it. Addict just quacking like crazy and I say, "Oh, what a bummer."
Write these down, keep them buy the phone, in your pocketbook, at your desk at work. Can't tell you how many times I've used them. They are like an SR cheat sheet!
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Took me to many years to realize that I am in charge of my own life. I too "hid" in my own house. Til I finally had a aha moment. This is my house, my life, my rules. I stopped. did not take the calls I did not want, did not answer the door if it was not at my convience. Etc. Son, daughter or not. They are grown, let them run their own rules. Play on their own courts. I am old and tired and Will not Let Them push me around anymore. I love my AD but I cannot change her AND I will not assist her in her path of addiction. Have strength, pray and put your big girl panties on.
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