caileesnana

There is a man in my group who says codependents are "sicker" than the substance abusers--all they have to do is quit using.


Thanks for any help.
susan

Done_With_It

ha ha ha ha ha.......

All they have to do is "Quit Using".....

Obviously he's never been addicted to something.
Recovery just begins when we "Quit Using"
if it were just that easy, places like this wouldn't exist..
And nor would people like me go from eating disorders,
to cutting to drugs. There are things inside, reasons that
drive us to destruction that we must figure out.

Same thing I believe with co-dependency. I had to figure
out why it was so important for me to want my Mom to quit
drinking, brothers to stop using, etc.
Once I did, I was okay with them living how they want to live,
and our relationships improved.
ETC....

That's how it is in my world anyway. I disagree with him,
But that is me, he and anyone else is free to feel how they
want, that's just how I think.

It does make me also stop and think when someone else is
pointing out who is sicker than who.
I'm to focused and worried about myself to try and worry
about "who is sicker" I'd rather worry about ways to get
better than things like that? I wonder what his motivations are.

grateful2b

ya, Done...my first thought exactly......
I know one thing for sure, that codependents suffer and hurt more that those addicted to substances, because we have gone through our pain sober, in the back drop of an addicted person's life...........no wonder we seem crazy..
my codependency , now understood and addressed has made me a stronger, more compassionate, more whole person.

caileesnana

Done---actually the guy is 20 year drug abuser, now 3 years clean.

I thought he was simple joking at first, but this comment has been made many times. Maybe he is referring to the fact they don't feel, and we feel too much.

Don't know, but think I will ask him next time he comes!!

Thank you both, needed to talk today.

Chino

In some ways I think I was sicker than my daughter before I found recovery. I was trying to control her and her addiction, besides my own world spiraling out of control. She was controlling her addiction very well, in that she always got what she wanted when she wanted it.

Done_With_It

Interesting.. I'm truly glad for him that it was that easy for him to just quit.
I hope his sobriety lasts.
For myself nothing I've ever done self destruction wise has never been that easy. It's taken me a lot of work and constantly figuring myself out to stay clean and healthy and not fall back to my ed, or cutting, meth, or anything self destructive. It's an on going process for me.

I don't know, I just don't find that I could ever claim or know to be sicker or healthy than anyone? Who am I to judge that really?
I only know myself. Unless you are going around murdering or hurting someone or stealing cars per say? It just seems odd to me to even think about whose sicker than me and who is not. lol
I dunno? maybe I'm just weird.
8

Great Post though! Thanks!

HopeandPrayer

I find when I start taking someone else's inventory, I am doing myself and them a dis-service. If I judge myself sicker or healthier than some one else, I am judging not only myself but anyone else that might have the same problem I am judging. If I leave the judging up to God and live my life the way he leads me, then I am alot happier.
Barb

cmc

I often wonder when I hear this. When I was at my peak of feeling bitter and resentful...I suppose that there were times when I felt that my own pain was unique and maybe worse than perhaps another codie or addict.

When I became more aware of the situation my ideas on that changed. What is the point of saying my suffering is greater? For me there is no good reason or explanation to focus on how bad it was for me or to trivialize someone else's experience.

grateful2b

CMC and H&P, thank you for that check...

gosh, I do not mean to say that my suffering is greater than any other addicts...

just pointing to the practical reality of my personal experience in the ongoing the relationship between the addict and the codie, ......and that because in the relationship, we do work through it sober while they are medicated, thus making it a more raw pain for the codie from my point of view....

I think once an addict chooses sobriety, my hats off because I believe for me *that* was the most difficult and painful thing I had gone through ......in fighting my addiction to my DOC(not my addict but actual drug)...

for me suffering is suffering...

Done_With_It

Yea, everyone's pain is unique to their own. Some addicts are in enough pain to take their own lives, that's where I was, some just don't seem care.
I think what it all boils down to, we are all really in this together just in our own unique ways.
Kind of nice that we have places like SR where we can learn to how to fight the battle together.... :ghug3
I think addiction makes anyone it touches a much stronger person in the end. :ghug2

Impurrfect

I can't say whether I was sicker as an addict or a codie, because, with ME, the 2 are pretty much intertwined. If I don't work on my codie recovery, then I start to entertain the thoughts of using.

I was one sick puppy, on both counts, but today I consider it one big recovery...stay clean, do the right thing, and take care of me

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

catplay

Well, this statement is true to the person who believes it is true. Is it ultimately true? That depends upon the individual. However, what I think this person means by this statement is this - the person who is co-dependent is giving into the addict, habitually, in order to receive love from the addict. Yes, that is not a healthy behavior. The addict, on the other hand, is burying feelings, trying to be happy, content, etc. which, on the whole, seems more reasonable, or at least less "sick" than the co-dependent. That's my take, but let's ask the person who posted the statement for his or her truth.

Kimmieh

I am curious as to why someone would want to make that comparison in the first place.

laurie6781

Well, I learned a long time ago that everyone has an 'opinion' just like everyone has a butt hole.

Why, someone would say it, who knows, it is just THEIR OPINION.

I have been on both sides of this fence, as a recovering alkie/addict and a recovering codie and both are damn hard.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

hope213

i always heard that we r sicker because we make our self sick. tha addict has the drug that makes them sick. they do things in a drugged state. we do ours in supposely our right mind.

marle

You tell that guy that if all an addict has to do is quit using then he is welcome to meet my daughter. I think that will change his mind. Recovery is about changing behaviors and I am sure that you will join me in saying that our daughters may not be using but they are sure not in recovery. Hugs, Marle

littlebird77

Up, Down,
Push, Pull...

With every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, a full action, full reaction..

Addict, Codependent