hopingicanhelp

Okay, so this post basically says it all. IM DONE!!! My now ex b/f has been doing really good lately in the keeping clean area, and I still pray he continues on the right path but I'm just done. I've been doing everything I can and he still always accuses me of cheating on him...like I can't even do anything without him saying I must be cheating, including driving to his house...I'll be on my way to see him, and he says someone is with me and I must be taking them home on my way. He wants me to call him before I leave home, when I get to work, when I get back home, if I go to the store, take a shower, etc, I could go on forever!! Well I've been doing these things thinking that they would help him get better and prove to him I am faithful, nothing does. He tries to make me feel like I am worthless, I'm assuming so I will think no one else would want me I dunno. Well tonight when I got off work he was acting ******** as usual, I was being nice as usual, and when we hung up he sent me a text saying "It's over, I can't do this anymore, I know you cheat on me, I'm just done." I said well thats a nice attitude to have, and he replied with "I hate you, you lie to me, cheat on me, I feel it everytime I think of you that you hurt me, just admit it, and leave me alone, and go away. I hate you." Okay so I said, I don't lie to you, I don't cheat on you, but you do treat me like ****, and make me feel worthless, and since you don't respect me and hate me I will go away....and then I turned off my phone..and haven't turned it on since. He called my house around the time I got home and talked to my mom who told him I didn't want to talk. He told her to tell me to read my text msgs...but I'm not because I don't want to get sucked back in..I am going tomorrow to get my # changed. No matter how much I love him I just cant do it anymore..its not fair to me..and I have to start living for ME again. Please give me some advice if you have it.

alli

LowBottom

You got it! Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge to make it work. And I agree I wouldn't put up with that type of behavior and you don't need to either. He's only a boyfriend, keep your head up and yell "next"!

HopeandPrayer

My XH was what I term a dry drunk, that means he quit drinking but since he didn't get treatment or conseling of any kind, his behaviors mirrored those of a true alcoholic. He also accused me of cheating on him when we were dating and just like you I did everything he wanted to prove that I was true to him without any of it mattering. He still believed I was lieing and cheating. 13 years later I finally got wise to the contol he had over me and left. But it did a real number on my self-esteem and trust of others.

I think you are on the right path, work on you and when it was me I asked my family to screen all calls to the home phone and not answer when he called that way they weren't sucked into the insanity.

Good Luck and take care of you,
Barb

rozied

Any boyfriend who would treat you like that EVEN if he didn't have the added problems of addiction is not worth it. You know there is a way of thinking that says whatever someone accuses you of without foundation in fact is projecting what they are actually doing onto you. Husbands that cheat often accuse their wife of cheating......cuz they do it they assume their spouse is doing it. It also gets the heat off them. I am not saying he is a cheat but the things he says to you are very hurtful & show no respect at all for you, with his added problems of addiction why do you need this in your life?
I have been following your posts and if I am correct you were defending alot of his outrageous behaviour cuz of some faults of his mother while he was growing up. That is a cop out, many, many people have hard, bad childhoods, once a person reaches the age where they know better they are free to make their own choices without blaming their upbringing. If I am correct his mother straightened her life out quite a few yrs ago now, so blaming things she did years ago is ridiculous. If he has issues he needs to deal with from his childhood he should look into counseling for himself & not use it as an excuse to do drugs & mistreat you.
I am happy to see you decided to end this relationship. Now stick to your guns, don't take his calls or text msgs. Avoid seeing him if you can. You don't need this in your life. He is now only just a boyfriend, get out now before you have a children to worry about.
Concentrate on your own life, make your single life the absolute best it can be and oneday you will meet someone who has their life together all by themself then they will be available to have a relationship. A relationship that goes the distance consists of 2 complete individuals bringing the best of themselves to it. Use this time as a single woman to improve yourself, and make yourself the best you can be, this way when someone comes along worthy of you, you will be ready.
I married my 1st husband when I was 18. He was a compulsive gambler. after I divorced him I was on my own with 2 young sons to raise. I went back to college, got my degree and my RN and spent the next 10 yrs working on my own life. When I was 35 I met my present husband, 2 yrs later we were married. Nov 2nd we celebrate 24 yrs of a happy marriage, and I have never ben happier.
I hope something I said has helped. you can PM me anytime. Honey you don't need to settle for such treatment just to have a boyfriend, love lifts you up, makes you happy & does not hurt you. Love brings out the best in people, not the worst. That was one of the main reasons I ended my 1st marriage. His behaviour brought out the worst in me, turned me into someone I did not like. Thats not love.

marle

A lot of the time that people accuse others is because they have done it themselves. My daughter is clean but still does not trust people. The reason that she can't is because she has lied so much in the past and gotten away with it. So she knows how easy it is to lie to people that love her. Now she can't trust anyone because she thinks everyone is just like her. That may be the reason he can't trust you is because he can't trust himself. Good for you that you are letting go of him. Just be careful. He sounds like he really has a problem. Hugs, Marle

greeteachday

As was said here, with or without the added problems of addiction, his treatment of you is not something that you should have to endure. People who are emotionally abusive (and in my mind he is) can truly destroy a person's identity and self esteem. You deserve so much better. I have found in past experiences that if I remind myself of the treatment I found unacceptable, it helped me through the periods where I would tend to dwell on the good times and miss him. I came to the realization the good times were more about my own vision of what I wanted the relationship to be rather than any reality.
I'm glad you are changing your phone number and moving forward...You deserve it!!

outtolunch

The best defence is an offence. It sounds like he is projecting his behaviors on you or is a serious whack job. In any event, who needs this? No you. That's for sure.

Block his number and if he manages to get through anyway, just hang up the phone.

dogged

i know my ex accused me of cheating all the time when i was faithful, i also relaized he accused me more when he was using crack

splendra

I read with interest all post about beingDone

Thanks for giving me strength and courage to continue being DONE

CatsPajamas

I dated a man for awhile who suffered from the same thing - the uncontrollable, all consuming idea that I was cheating on him. I wasn't, but it was very exhausting for me to continually have to defend myself against all of the accusations.

It was about him, his insecurities, his troubled past, fears of abandonment and a heaping helping of PTSD. He was a gentle, lost soul with a huge amount of jealousy and low self esteem. As much as I loved him, I had to end the relationship as it became too toxic for me.

It was difficult, because his biggest fears came true and he lashed out at me because I was the one who abandoned him.

LOTS of al anon meetings, lots of reading, many good conversations with healthy recovery friends - that was what I needed to get thru it.

Hugs
Cats

beegee

I don't think there is anything harder then being accused of something like cheating when you NOT. It is exhausting trying to prove something you don't need to do.
I hope you have the strength to stay away from him as hard as this may be for you. You will be much better for it along the way. (((Prayers ))))for you.

HurtingDad

You're taking the right step and don't second guess yourself. There's no reason to put up with that type of abusive behavior.
Find friends to talk to, talk online here and just keep moving forward. Ain't always easy, I've hung on to relationships myself for to long because I always hoped things would improve. But as know as a certain point....enough!

Take a deep breath...and then another.