proudmama2

i'm a mother of two beautiful babies, i have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and a 1week n 5 day old son. the father of my children happens to be a man i have given my everything to over the last 11 yrs. 2 days after my son was born he took his secound journey into rehab with the hope that he can get better so his kids will beable to enjoy him as well as him enjoy himself. over the last week 1/2 me and him talk almost once a day. and i started looking into some form of al-non, to learn to understand myself and why i'm so addicted to him being apart of my life, and to learn to understand the whys of what has happened between us,. he has lied, cheated, hidden, manipulated, and used me for every little thing. now he wants to come home to me and the kids, and i so badly want him here. but i'm a lil worried that i'll be used as a safe haven, and that he will end up back into stuff and our babies will get hurt, yet again. i want this to work.. i want to share our lives together. but not control or be jealous of our own lives.. i'm not sure on how to go about things and having a hard time finding ways to talk to people and let alone more information on programs that can help me with me so i can learn to accept him for him, instead of sit there and judge him... so pls if you have ne advice. write me back.. i'm a little lost in wonder of the what ifs and whys again.

marle

Welcome to SR. My addict is my daughter. I can tell you that this forum and Al-anon meetings keep me sane even when my daughter is active in her addiction. It is a very good thing that you are doing for yourself looking into meetings. More will be along who have experience with addicted spouses. Until then take a look around, read the stickies and the threads and again welcome. Hugs, Marle

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

I'm a recovering addict, but have also been in relationships with other addicts, so I know both sides of the fence.

I'm glad you're checking out meetings and have come here. The biggest thing to realize about his addiction is the 3 c's ...you didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't change it. If he seriously wants recovery, he will find it. Another thing about us addicts, is go by our actions, not our words. We can talk about recovery all day long, but when we're serious you can tell by our actions.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

splendra

Many people go into rehab because they are pressured to do so. It can help in some cases. Unless the person in rehab really wants to change and takes full responsibility for making the changes happen the odds work against the people putting the pressure on for change.

It doesn't really matter how much we want the change to happen if they do not really want it.

rozied

Welcome to SR. Marriage and children are hard enough without the added problems addiction brings. It is very, very good you realize that you must work on yourself, and find out why you stay in a relationship that only hurts you. He is the only one who can help his addiction. You are the only one that can understand why you stay with him.
Keep coming back to SR it is a wonderful group. You will learn alot about yourself & addiction by reading the posts & contributing.

greeteachday

Hi Welcome - You have taken some excellent first steps in your recovery journey by coming here and finding Alanon meetings! We have a saying - baby steps...recovery doesn't happen over night, but little by little, if you keep coming back, you will find yourself making changes that help you.

I found that talk did not mean a whole lot when it came to my addict - it was action that spoke. It is easy to give the addicted love one a soft landing. I have found that addicts in recovery who seek a transitional place to live so they can focus on recovery around others with the same goals, find benefit in those early stages of recovery. My suggestion would be that perhaps he could find a halfway house or an Oxford House for now so he can focus on his own recovery and you can continue to pursue yours and take care of your children. I know for me, I always felt better when I wasn't a part of the drama or sitting in the front row watching.

Congratulations on your new baby! I hope your BF continues to move forward and you keep coming here to heal.

caileesnana

Welcome to SR, a wonderful place.
susan

hope213

welcome to S.R. there is alot of advice & knowledge here. read all around & read the stickys at the top of the forum. i truely hope your husband will stay clean. go to family meetings if they have them at the rehab. that will help u 2 talk. get to a meeting.when it is time for him to come come set boundries before he comes. i will b praying for your family. keep coming back.

BBD

Welcome to SR~~~If your anywhere near Brattleboro VT. I know they have tons of Alanon meetings.......my SIL used to attend them when she lived in VT. The people up there are so sweet and earthy you shouldn't have a problem getting support. Take care of those lil babies and yourself. Thats the first step..Hugs, Bonnie