grateful2b

I was sitting here thinking about my birthday next month..ambivalent about it really....so thinking about how I would spend it...

of course , I want to spend the day with my daughter, break some bread, and enjoy the easy closeness of the relationship we used to enjoy....

As I got a glimpse of what once was, a tear or two fell, and then it was gone...
I have not thought about the girl I used to know in a while...

As I watched myself quickly recover, I was amazed at how effectively I have learned to shut the door on that pain, over the loss of my AD, and I was back to the present..

And I was grateful,...... that I have learned to live in the now and be hopeful for what can be,.....no longer imprisoned by my own pain..
and I know that someday I will dust off those memories with Joy and not sorrow....

thanks for being here, everyone,
big hugs to you all, Grateful

AquaBlue

Thank you for sharing that, Grateful. It's very inspirational, as I strive to one day have power over my own emotions and reach that inner peace- even amidst chaos. I look forward to getting to that place, where you obviously have already arrived!!

Hugs to you!

hope213

that is called acceptance. i work very hard on that & keep my tool belt on at all time. i repeat the serenity prayer many,many times everyday. you are doing good in your recovery. thanks for being with us & sharing your thoughts. hugs,

SerenityGirl

Thankyou grateful2b for your meaningful post. I so feel for you.. I haven't heard from my son for about three months, sometimes I am so afraid of losing him...but I am reminded I need to trust and hope that all will be ok....hugs to you!!!

Chino

Thank you for this post, grateful. I agree this is acceptance and it was on my mind a lot after my daughter's week in the hospital. I wondered if I truly accepted her disease and realized the answer was yes when I made sure she had enough opiates for pain. Something silently happened in that moment between her and I, and it was better than anything verbal in all the years before. As a result she and I have been comfortably communicating with each other this past week, even with all the frustrations.

I am happy for you and wishing you comfortable communication, too.

grateful2b

thank you Aqua, we talk a lot here about getting out of the way ...and letting our A's Hp take over...but I think we also need to get out of the way of ourselves and through the work we do, allow our HP to heal us and make us strong.

my amazement had everything to do with not noticing until that moment, the benefits of my hard work and God's grace....

And that reinforces my faith ....as I also see Him work in her life.....wishing you peace in recovery.... Grateful

grateful2b

Chino, what a gift , eh...we are so grateful for the little moments we are given , that pave the road forward....happy to hear you had some 'cosy' time with your daughter
Grateful

grateful2b

thank you, Hope213, one of the great things about acceptance is that, my Hp has finally got my attention long enough to teach me how to be more Zen, if you know what I mean, when I have occasion to be with my AD....

grateful2b

SG, when I came here I was in the grips of codie fever, and I am so grateful to this place and Al-ANon for helping me find a way to get out of the way and have a little peace and *know* that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, on those days when I struggle...As someone here once said, this momstuff isn't for wienies...
Grateful

greeteachday

Beautiful sentiments, Grateful, thanks for sharing them. One of the greatest recovery lessons I learned - the one that impacted every aspect of my recovery, was that the choice to be a victim was mine. I never considered myself a victim - I am quite independent and self sufficient, but I realized finally that by living in the darkness, by letting fear strangle me and by trying to control what I could not and resenting it all along the way, I was in fact putting myself in the victim role.

Surrendering to my HP and finding gratitude were the keys to releasing myself from the role I chose.

I like how you acknowledged the feelings and the pain and then moved on to a place of light and gratitude.

Early birthday wishes - The time to celebrate your life is now and every day

grateful2b

thanks, Greet..I'm a grateful girl

marle

I am struggling a bit myself today with acceptance as my daughter moved the last of her stuff out of the house and into her new apartment. I did not think that I would feel so sad as I absolutely know it is the right thing for her to do. Thanks for the post. It made me feel better. Hugs, Marle

Spiritual Seeker

I know the feeling.

grateful2b

(((Marle)))
yes, even though we know where it all is, our feelings are what they are, eh...I am glad that my share helped a little...prayers and hugs for you and Megan...Grateful

caileesnana

I guess I am still missing the girl that was, sometimes more than others. I too have come a long way, but hurt can rear it's head when you least expect it. I have noticed for me it comes back around certain event, looking at pictures or visiting w/ relatives, or more recently by her not using behavior.

thanks for the post, needed to read this today.
love
susan

grateful2b

oh yes, those triggers, hard to avoid them really,... you know, I put away all her pictures except two favorite baby pictures......
One thing I do struggle with, is holidays..in the sense that I would just rather not....used to love Christmas, just dread it now..
my AD will want to connect in her way and it is a just a painful reminder of what was and is no longer...(we are a single parent only child family) Grateful

SerenityGirl

:ghug3Thankyou grateful!!