addict behavior
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
addict behavior
AD is ok, almost 5 months. The last week or so I am seeing more of the 'behaviors' that got her into her own spot in hell.
She takes wonderful care of baby, but see no damage in dragging him somewhere almost every night even after doctor told her he doesn't need to be around lot of people, not to mention child protective will ALWAYS be just a call away. She is going to meetings, coffee, and I see no sign of using, just the behavior.
The selfish MY WAY mentality. The selfishness drives me crazy. The F you attitude. She wants us to foot the bill for her but also wants adult priviledges. It can't be both ways.
I let her fall and scrape her knees constantlybut now I worry about the poor baby. He should be first and foremost to her and in ways he is, but when she wants her own stupid, selfish way I see the old Kasey and I DO NOT like it.
Please remember me in your prayers, I know that is the only hope.
love and prayers to all,
susan
She takes wonderful care of baby, but see no damage in dragging him somewhere almost every night even after doctor told her he doesn't need to be around lot of people, not to mention child protective will ALWAYS be just a call away. She is going to meetings, coffee, and I see no sign of using, just the behavior.
The selfish MY WAY mentality. The selfishness drives me crazy. The F you attitude. She wants us to foot the bill for her but also wants adult priviledges. It can't be both ways.
I let her fall and scrape her knees constantlybut now I worry about the poor baby. He should be first and foremost to her and in ways he is, but when she wants her own stupid, selfish way I see the old Kasey and I DO NOT like it.
Please remember me in your prayers, I know that is the only hope.
love and prayers to all,
susan
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Susan)))
You and Kasey and Caleb are always in my prayers. I see my niece acting in ways that I think are addict behavior but I have to realize she's just spoiled, young, and thinks the world revolves around her. Heck, I know she's not an addict, but it's the way I look at things.
I'm not saying what she's doing is NOT addict behavior, but it just may be her being young, too.
I have "adult privileges" but then I'm usually paying rent (can't right now because of work being so slow). I am working with dad, though, so that offsets the rent. My point is, I didn't get the privileges without having to follow the rules.
I can understand where you're at....worried about Caleb and Kasey.
Big hugs and prayers!
Amy
You and Kasey and Caleb are always in my prayers. I see my niece acting in ways that I think are addict behavior but I have to realize she's just spoiled, young, and thinks the world revolves around her. Heck, I know she's not an addict, but it's the way I look at things.
I'm not saying what she's doing is NOT addict behavior, but it just may be her being young, too.
I have "adult privileges" but then I'm usually paying rent (can't right now because of work being so slow). I am working with dad, though, so that offsets the rent. My point is, I didn't get the privileges without having to follow the rules.
I can understand where you're at....worried about Caleb and Kasey.
Big hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Boy, if I had a nickel for everytime I said, "you can't have it both ways" to my A
****{Susan}}}
the good news is she has 5 months, but it is hard to stand by and see behavior you know can lead her back...
I know you will step in if the moment arrives , and scoop up that precious child...in the meantime...trust that she will in time settle more into the role she has been given....she may be finding it difficult being a young, new mom and in recovery, and is covering her fears with bravado(?)......sending prayers for you , Kasey and her little one...
Grateful
****{Susan}}}
the good news is she has 5 months, but it is hard to stand by and see behavior you know can lead her back...
I know you will step in if the moment arrives , and scoop up that precious child...in the meantime...trust that she will in time settle more into the role she has been given....she may be finding it difficult being a young, new mom and in recovery, and is covering her fears with bravado(?)......sending prayers for you , Kasey and her little one...
Grateful
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I understand completely Susan. My daughter still has the addict behaviors and has moved out. She wants to do things her way and I completely agree. I understand that with the baby things are a bit different, but that does not mean that Kasey can't move out, get some assistance and you can go back to practicing detachment from her behaviors. Maybe if she has total responsibility for the baby she will make better choices. With child protective services on the case, the baby has someone watching other than you. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
This has to be hard but at least she isn't using and you are able to keep an eye on the baby. It just may be overwhelming to her with the baby, I know my one daughter wasn't going to stop for her baby but eventually she started slowing down and being a mom at night instead of wanting to shop ect.
Prayers to you all.
Prayers to you all.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
I'm having trouble understanding this, I guess. (Maybe I missed a prior thread about it)
Does she live with you? Is she taking the baby with her to meetings and coffee shop afterwards because you don't want to watch the baby for her? Or have you offered to babysit and she refuses? If so, maybe she just kinda wants to show the little one off. Maybe its a good 'social lubricant'? Maybe she thinks its her responsiblity to take the baby with her?
Given the choice between staying home with the baby or going to a meeting with the baby - (if that's the choice she does have), then taking the baby with her is clearly the right choice, otherwise she would lose her recovery. I dragged mine with me to meetings nearly every night and I stayed clean for years that way. My daughter loved the meetings and all the attention, and became a very social creature. I had no choice, since i was a single mom living on my own. I would have prefered leaving her with a sitter, but I didn't have the money. But IMO, addict behavior would be to stay home, not go to meetings, and justify it by saying "Well I have this baby who shouldn't be out at all hours so I can't possbly go...."
Is there other stuff that she's doing that would be addict behavior?
Does she live with you? Is she taking the baby with her to meetings and coffee shop afterwards because you don't want to watch the baby for her? Or have you offered to babysit and she refuses? If so, maybe she just kinda wants to show the little one off. Maybe its a good 'social lubricant'? Maybe she thinks its her responsiblity to take the baby with her?
Given the choice between staying home with the baby or going to a meeting with the baby - (if that's the choice she does have), then taking the baby with her is clearly the right choice, otherwise she would lose her recovery. I dragged mine with me to meetings nearly every night and I stayed clean for years that way. My daughter loved the meetings and all the attention, and became a very social creature. I had no choice, since i was a single mom living on my own. I would have prefered leaving her with a sitter, but I didn't have the money. But IMO, addict behavior would be to stay home, not go to meetings, and justify it by saying "Well I have this baby who shouldn't be out at all hours so I can't possbly go...."
Is there other stuff that she's doing that would be addict behavior?
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((((Susan)))) Prayers for you, Caleb and Kasey. I've found when I start getting caught up in those fearts and anxiety again, I have to return to step one and remember how powerless I am...then turn it all over to my HP.
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Sleepy,
The behaviors I am talking about are laziness, blame, having to have a "friend" etc. Not being responsible. All taking and no giving.
She has been going to meetings, sometimes she takes him sometimes I keep him. Yes, she is currently w/ me and is to start school Tuesday this week. All she does during the day is care for the baby, as far as I know. She doesn't lift a hand here at the house.
As greet said here I go back to Step One! I hate this life, hate the way it makes me feel, hate the memories and the flashbacks I have. Hate the idea that it is never over, hate the idea I still feel like a failure sometimes as a mother, hate the idea she has that beautiful baby.
Hate looking at her, seeing her roll her eyes, yelling at me, tell me not to control if I have a single thought. Just hating life today. Plus I am tired.
so, so tired of so much.
The behaviors I am talking about are laziness, blame, having to have a "friend" etc. Not being responsible. All taking and no giving.
She has been going to meetings, sometimes she takes him sometimes I keep him. Yes, she is currently w/ me and is to start school Tuesday this week. All she does during the day is care for the baby, as far as I know. She doesn't lift a hand here at the house.
As greet said here I go back to Step One! I hate this life, hate the way it makes me feel, hate the memories and the flashbacks I have. Hate the idea that it is never over, hate the idea I still feel like a failure sometimes as a mother, hate the idea she has that beautiful baby.
Hate looking at her, seeing her roll her eyes, yelling at me, tell me not to control if I have a single thought. Just hating life today. Plus I am tired.
so, so tired of so much.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
oh (((Susan)))
man, I don't think, no , I *know*, I could not be in your spot and still be able to breathe...I know how wise and resilient you are but dang! I am really feeling you on this
I agree with Greet: back to step one..
You need to take a step waaay back...and reinforce the boundaries.....if you cannot carve out some emotional/spiritual space for yourself , with Kasey in your home, maybe it is time for her to get her own place...
you must not put Kasey and her baby before your recovery..what possible good will that do anyone?..I am sending prayers for some peace, strength and understanding for you, and big momma hugs..Grateful
man, I don't think, no , I *know*, I could not be in your spot and still be able to breathe...I know how wise and resilient you are but dang! I am really feeling you on this
I agree with Greet: back to step one..
You need to take a step waaay back...and reinforce the boundaries.....if you cannot carve out some emotional/spiritual space for yourself , with Kasey in your home, maybe it is time for her to get her own place...
you must not put Kasey and her baby before your recovery..what possible good will that do anyone?..I am sending prayers for some peace, strength and understanding for you, and big momma hugs..Grateful
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by greeteachday 
((((Susan)))) Prayers for you, Caleb and Kasey. I've found when I start getting caught up in those fearts and anxiety again, I have to return to step one and remember how powerless I am...then turn it all over to my HP.
Return to sender, address unknown. No such number, no such zone.
Prayers for you sending that letter back and your serenity, Susan.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Susan))))
I hate that your serenity is being messed with. Sounds like Kasey needs a wake-up call that part of recovery is being responsible and respectful. Dad and I argue, at times, but it's still HIS house, HIS rules. I don't always like the rules, but hey....that's life!
Big hugs and prayers!
Amy
I hate that your serenity is being messed with. Sounds like Kasey needs a wake-up call that part of recovery is being responsible and respectful. Dad and I argue, at times, but it's still HIS house, HIS rules. I don't always like the rules, but hey....that's life!
Big hugs and prayers!
Amy
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