HurtingDad

Son just called me to apologize for phone call he made Friday when he said he needed money because someone he had ripped off in the past was going to 'get' him Friday night, and he needed $160.

I said to him, do you think I don't know what the money is for...after all I've heard this before (and early on would give him the money).

Said he managed to work and get the money so all is OK now. He's homeless, working odd jobs for food, and is back on methadone. He hated that drug first time around, but says it's stopping him from getting strung out on heroin. Also says he'd like to see me in the City, walk around, have lunch. I told him I'd love to, but the hardest part will be when I leave to go home knowing that he's going back to sleeping on the streets. He said he understood.

Damn...this sh*t is hard. It makes it a little easier when you can talk like this to people who have been there. Sometimes I just want to scream, other times runaway. DEEP BREATH!!!...that's better.

Sending angels to all who need them.

Impurrfect

I'm glad he called.

My dad used to come get me, from the streets, take me out to lunch, then drop me off back in the "hood". I can imagine how hard it was, and at the time, though I felt more guilty about what I was doing, I still appreciated it.

Today, after getting to know all you mom's and dad's, I realize how hard this was, but I appreciate that he made the effort to let me know he still loved me.

Do whatever is best for you. If it will be too hard to see him, knowing what he's going back to, you don't have to go.

Despite your son's addiction, it sounds like you two have really good communication and I'm glad you were able to tell him how hard it would be to see him. You may not believe it now, but we A's do "store" that stuff in our brain and when we're ready for recovery, it comes back to the surface as one more reason to stay clean.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Jody Hepler

I'm so glad you heard from him - and it sounds like he really does care about you and is glad you are a part of his life. But right now, his disease is calling the shots.

There was a period of time that I didn't see my addict son - it was just too painful for me. I admire you if you can do that. I just couldn't.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

mike13

i am really glad you shared this with such honesty. my dad went through a lot of the same things with me when i was deep in my addiction. posts like these really help me to understand just how much sh*t i put my parents through and the way they were feeling. i agree with Impurrfect: after i started recovery i still remembered all the things my dad told me and they were great motivation to do my sh*t right. it all stuck, even when i was at my worst. definitly keep that communication with your son open, cuz it could save his life. ultimately, the choice to get clean has to be his. until he is ready to do that, the best thing for him is your love and encouragement. hope all works out well.

rahsue

My heart goes out to you dad, i'm glad he called and maybe getting some help with the methadone. he may be one step closer to being ready to really stop.

my best to you and him

hope213

i am glad you heard from your son also. if you want to meet him for lunch do so. i always try to focus on the postive. he will have a meal for that day. you also can remember that the addicts stick together. he may not be where you want him to be but they usually have someone they are staying with & just don't tell us who or where. prayers for u both,

marle

My daughter never lived on the streets but she did live in some nasty crack motels in the worst part of the city. Her boyfriend supplied all her drugs. I know how you feel about seeing him and then having to leave him there though. I would occasionally visit my daughter in whatever city she was living in at the time. It always made my heart hurt because I knew that she did not have to be living that way but that addiction was so in control of her and she was not ready for help. So I am sending big hugs your way. I believe there is nothing worse in this world than addiction. It takes away a person's soul and destroys so many precious lives. Hugs and prayers, Marle

mooselips

Dad,
I remember the day I picked my oldest son up from prison, and he assumed he was staying here at our home, and I said no, and dropped him at the city mission. Probably one of the hardest days of my life, I cried all the way home.

My youngest son, when he was in a halfway house, Mr. Moose and I would go take him to lunch. It really hurt to say goodbye, knowing the environment he was living in. But at the time I felt it was important to keep the connection open between us and him.

Sometimes I haven't liked my sons very much, but I've always loved them.


You're a good dad.

caileesnana

I still have flashbacks of what my AD looked like when I would go see her. Leaving her, usually after begging her to come with me, was awful.

I don't know which is worse sometimes, knowing or not knowing.

prayers for you and your son, glad he is alive and able to find recovery!
susan

peaceteach

I agree, Dad, this is a wonderful place to come to in crisis and for support. It does help to be able to throw it out there and let others help you to regain your focus and serenity, feeling safe and understood because so many here have walked in your shoes. I love SR. I hope you can find some peace tonight and get sleep knowing that your son is in his HP's hands and you will see him soon. Sending prayers for both of you tonight.

HurtingDad

Thanks everybody for your support and wisedom. This is a good place, though sometimes the hurt and sadness that we're involved with can be tough to take. But then there's good news, there's hugs and there's understanding-- that only other sufferers can offer.

I also appreciate the thoughts and kindness from some of the members who were the active addict and can relate to us from "the other side" and also give us hope in their stories and bravery.

Sending angels to all!

Jewelz

HurtingDady,

I live in NYC as well, if your son wants he can go to the Salvation Army.. have a place to stay, and work on recovery. There is also a residential program called Promesa in the Bronx, if he wanted to he could call intake and they would come to pick him up, help him get into detox and live in there. All he needs is his ID... I believe they help them get Medicaid if they dont already have it.