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Being just as sick as our addicts.......

Old 10-05-2008, 02:03 PM
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Being just as sick as our addicts.......

So... I came across this website...... Endorphin Addiction

Some people think it's just a load of you know what... but often we read into things that we want to see at the time...... and well - this is what I need to see at this time.

Endorphin Addiction..... ironically - that is pretty much on a deeper scale the same that my guy probably has as well - although he has found the opiates to be the quick fix that have now gotten a hold of him .... and it is actually now more just a habit that turned into abuse - which is now addiction.

So... what does this have to do with me? I guess I could say I'm quite lucky that mine has not progressed to that point yet - however - with me putting up with or allowing the pain to be my endorphin release - via - out of habit and moving into the abuse of it - I am either quite on my way to addiction or already am in it. Probably the later - but regardless - it must be treated just for my own personal recovery - sanity - and serenity!

What stood out the most to me on the website is the following: (which is where I feel I'm getting my "fix" in the endorphin addiction)

The release of endorphins is caused by all pain, including eating spicy foods; masochism

So.... I have wondered just what in the heck is in it for me to keep putting myself in a situation to experience pain. Why do I still hang out in the boxing ring ...... do I really need to be KNOCKED OUT for me to say enough is enough? AH HA.... I have found it... it's the pain- the pain releases the endorphins. The emotional pain - the psychological pain - the mental pain - heck even the physical pain from my bodily sensations freaking out on me!

Well--- they say.. to overcome one addiction- typically it's easier to just pick up a replacement. (Which I think is what happens with the NA/AA/Alanon lifers..... for example).

So... if I am that much of an endorphin releasing junky ..... surely there have to be better ways to release it HEALTHFULLY! Right?

You all might think I'm a bit crazy here with this..... but after seeing this website and seeing many things that I enjoy are of releasing endorphins.... it is kind of making sense.

So the next time I am using touch therapy or listening to soft music or doing drumming on my djiembe or even eating chocolate - I'm going to pay attention to my endorphins being released.... and be grateful that I am able to do so with natural pleasures...... and just observe it without guilt.... be grateful for the good that is around me.


Peace xoxoxo


PS.... Is "healthfully" even a word????? lol

Last edited by Abundance; 10-05-2008 at 02:25 PM.
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Old 10-05-2008, 02:23 PM
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I was at an Al Anon meeting the other day and this was shared about. Seriously.

My sponsor always says she thinks family members are usually sicker than the A's because at least the A's get some relief (through drinking and using) unlike us who have to deal with our heads sober.

I think this is quite true that we do appear to be crazier (for want of a better word). Dragging people out of pubs, monitoring anothers behaviour and being convinced all our problems are as a result of one person, is not particular sane.

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Old 10-05-2008, 03:06 PM
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Abs, I read something earlier this year about the same thing and it was a shocker but made sense. There's a book out there about the connection between domestic abuse and naturally occurring low level beta endorphins. It theorizes that many women become addicted to their abusers because the pain stimulates natural production of endorphins in people with a deficiency.
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Old 10-05-2008, 07:10 PM
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ouahh indeed that's pretty weird! I never thought i was addicted to pain. I thought i was more the type of being scared of being bored. Like the excitements (even the unhealthy ones, apparently) Like the fact that my life was not square. I've always been freaked out about having my life already written, having the perfect boring life, you know? Anyway, for me i guess that's why i stick to my addict, because it gives me a weird sense of excitements & insecurities.
Honnestly, it's quite sick. But well, i'm growing up so maybe one day the prospect of having all the perfect life won't be so scary after all.
Now that i think of it...maybe i'm scared of having a perfect life because maybe i'm more scared of losing it all.
Ouhhh too much thinking! my brain is frying ;P
Thanks for sharing
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:37 AM
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Liz and Chino - good to know! It does make sense. I like it when things make sense!

Funkzter...... I agree with your post. I'm not so good either with "boring"..... chaos seems to find me wherever I am. At this time now; however, I am so aware of my laws of attraction - but now I'm learning how to dis-engage from the chaos. Choose my battles so to speak. To NOT give power to the addiction... AND now..... to not give power to the pain that I am accepting for my addiction in endorphin releasing. Meaning.... recognizing it for that. Not sure if that makes sense to you guys- but it does to me.

Now I know why (in the past) I have put together little drum circles with my boys when they are hyperactive and stressing about. Looks like there is a good reason for it! The energy in the home goes from chaos to calm and joy!

Endorphin release is natural...... but I never thought of it as an addiction. I have thought of adrenalin junky and risk taker behavior as an addiction - but it actually goes a lot further than that!

So ... I obviously do want to release endorphins...... but I want to do it in a healthy way.... ya know? Ways that are helpful --- not hurtful.

Speaking of which..... I just followed up my sugar intake with a bit of a savory intake. My endorphins are releasing!!!!!
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Old 10-06-2008, 05:02 AM
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so fascinating! I am involved professionally in trauma and am doing some fabulous training right now called "Somatic Experiencing". It is a philosophy developed by Peter Levine et al. Basically, it has to do with body memory. We tend to repeatedly place ourselves (unconsciously) in situations that feel familiar and have the chance to work through the original trauma (could be physical or emotional). It is a trauma vortex. It's how abused people keep marrying an abuser. There has been a boundary rupture that causes a form of neglect in awareness....leaving a person vulnerable to further assault.

The nervous system does acclimate to a certain level of intensity which is the push into chaotic situations. Boring doesn't feel normal or "alive" so in a trance we seek out what we perceive as regulation (drama and pain). Its almost like we associate the feeling of pain with feeling alive. It's a total disconnect from reality but that reality is the one that our perception chooses.

It all has to do with how the hippocampus and amgydala process emotion, situations, memory and then the impact that the neocortex has as it interprets the information. All of these impulses are sent via neurotransmittors and neurochemicals. There is definitely a lot of science behind all of this. I have a huge reference library on this due to professional needs so let me know if you are ever interested in more info.

The real question is what do we do with this situation.....of course I'm going to try and get into the solution here! There are a lot of things that help......... f2f meetings settle our nervous systems and calm us, meditation, connecting with others that allow us to see ourselves in other perspectives, movement (dance, yoga, pilates), counselling, massage, body therapy, a session with a SE practioner (somatic experiencing). SE is actually a "trauma recovery" method. Our autonomic nervous systems (fight/flight) can get caught in a "freeze" and that sets up the repetitive nature of our expereinces.

Probably way more than you wanted to know....just chiming in to say that there is science behind what we are experiencing....and there are solutions!

Good stuff here abs!
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Old 10-06-2008, 08:04 AM
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What an interesting thread this is. I am glad to have this information and want to learn more about it.
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Old 10-06-2008, 08:36 AM
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The real question is what do we do with this situation.....of course I'm going to try and get into the solution here! There are a lot of things that help......... f2f meetings settle our nervous systems and calm us, meditation, connecting with others that allow us to see ourselves in other perspectives, movement (dance, yoga, pilates), counselling, massage, body therapy, a session with a SE practioner (somatic experiencing). SE is actually a "trauma recovery" method. Our autonomic nervous systems (fight/flight) can get caught in a "freeze" and that sets up the repetitive nature of our expereinces.
Donna.... those solutions.... are amazing!!! Sign me up!

I'm interested in learning more about somatic experiencing.... so if you have any more info on it - please send it my way! How neat that you are working in this area... the universe is good!

Anvil....... I totally get that! The boys dad was SO boring... and if he showed change or excitement - it just annoyed me. Now to his present fiancee ... I'm sure that he is just perfect for her! I'm happy for him that he has someone that adores him so much - he really is deserving!

So... I think even in serenity - there is the chaos that surrounds us - really it's just who/what we will give our power to. But to get to the point where I choose some spicy food or a good drumming session instead..... that will be some progress baby!!!!

As for Hank..... I bet he still lights your fire ...... but with your recovery - you are looking towards yourself more! I wouldn't be surprised if it's like you are just over being a slave or victim to anything that is not in your control...... be it drugs or another human being. What I think is super cool is that the two of you are on your own paths- and just by chance.... you both are heading the same direction. Sure there are bumps and windy turns at times....... but you aren't going to give power to *his* turbulence. At least that is what I see in my mind ...... which I think is a really good place to be!
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Old 10-06-2008, 10:51 AM
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Abs -

this link

Welcome to Foundation for Human Enrichment

should get you to the page that talks about all that is covered in SE. Also, there is a book "Waking the Tiger" that Peter Levine wrote. It's pretty much the introductory book to read regarding this type of work. Robert Scaer, MD also has written a lot of books and articles about the science behind this. I think that the book Craving Ecstacy helped me understand myself and my addict better.

I just got back from a meeting and it was mentioned that people that think like this (anons and users) need meetings to recalibrate their brains. It sures makes a lot of sense to me.

Have a good one!
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Old 10-20-2008, 08:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Abundance View Post
So... I came across this website...... Endorphin Addiction

Why do I still hang out in the boxing ring ...... do I really need to be KNOCKED OUT for me to say enough is enough? AH HA.... I have found it... it's the pain- the pain releases the endorphins.
I proposed this to my ex addicted fiance as part of the reason we broke up and made up because he wanted me so desperately to take the burden of blame for the relationship failures...Found the same or similar info as you report on in your post and I have to agree with the premise. I too, often wonder if I am headed for addiction being CD.

As for being in the boxing ring...as a boxer, I can tell you that the key to avoiding that constant left jab is to pivot off center line and counter with a different tactical advantage. And KEEP MOVING...dont just sit there...MOVE!

Walking into the same left jab resulted in the same results...KWIM?
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Old 10-22-2008, 12:55 PM
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Abundance... such an interesting thread! I definitely think I'm a bit of an endorphin junkie myself... and I've discovered that exercise causes the most amazing endorphin rush I could hope to find. Twenty minutes after a workout I am singing in the shower and feeling great, even though the workout hurt like hell! A safer alternative to jumping out of airplanes and other extreme madness. I recommend it.
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Old 10-22-2008, 01:12 PM
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I agree with it, unwillingly.
As a teen I was anorexic, It was only afew years ago actually I finally sought treatment, My psych said as part of therapy, continue my 12 steps in alanon.

Apparently I never worried about weight, never had too, I was anorexic because I liked the endorphin feeling you get when your body tries to over compensate, later in life when stressed I wouldnt eat-same feelings and felt...in control.

Unfortuantely, theres long term side effects and my blood sugar was affected. So I cant even attempt it anymore without serious harm, even though it was all subconscious
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Old 10-22-2008, 02:41 PM
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and just observe it without guilt.... be grateful for the good that is around me.
I wonder if it's the guilt of not giving power to his addiction and his issues that make me back slide/relapse into co-dependency? For me, being grateful and having gratitude seems so simple and easy - which is why the guilt - ? Because I am SO used to giving power to people/things/issues - other than myself - that it feels wrong - hence the guilt?

Having gratitude and focusing on me - SO MUCH GUILT. It's the laws of attraction as well ..... I can feel myself being tested in all areas of my life when it comes to emotional boundaries especially.

I have recently vowed to myself to not let other people's negativity and issues impact me (penetrate my space) - but they are just coming so frequent - and strong..... and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Like I just want to RUN from it all. Like when my mom called me stupid for telling my boss about the Jimmy Buffet concert I went to and that she was going too.... (she just started working there too this week - is in training)...... and on the way to the show last night - she said that she was worried about the boss knowing we were going. And I told her that he DID know. And she just kept telling me what a stupid fool I was..... "you are so stupid.... how stupid of you - what is wrong with you? You are such a stupid stupid fool". My gut reaction was to turn the car around - but we were 100 + miles from home... and I just took it. BUT - I did tell her about 10 minutes later after silence that I would NEVER name call my children. She apologized and then justified herself.

Anywho - sorry about that tangent there...... Hoping that TIME will help with my guilt of looking after myself and that I will keep on "keeping on" with my natural endorphin making!!!

But I will say - that it just sucks when it seeps in on the subconscious level - which tells me that it just means I need to keep working my program - so that I'm aware when it's happening or beginning to happen.
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Old 10-23-2008, 05:50 AM
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This is an interesting thread. I myself have felt that i was addicted to drama. I grew up in a very loud home as a child - nothing was discussed, everything was argued and everyone worried all the time. I think its felt more normal for me to have chaos and i have been accused more than once of picking fights for no reason. I wonder if its not that adrenaline rush i was looking for. I am happy to say that life is slower now and i'm enjoying the peace much more than the drama. But very interesting thanks everyone for posting these. Maybe we should all take up skydiving - it might be safer for us
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Old 10-23-2008, 06:15 AM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
that's the problem with serenity........it's so dang serene. tranquil.
Anvil, I must be old enough to your mama cause this is exactly what I LOVE about recovery. I've had enough excitement in my l life. Just gimme the peace and calm..... .

Hugs,
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Old 10-23-2008, 06:25 AM
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nothing was discussed, everything was argued and everyone worried all the time.
Oh I hate this kind of stuff. AH never discussed everything w/ me. He would start the drama, then hide, start the drama, then hide. Leaving me to worry what he's doing, where's he at, what drugs he on, how much in debt he is now, who he's sleeping w/ tonight. Nothing EVER resolved. And then he tells me to "stop dwelling on the past."
He could have slept with a woman last night, done a $1000.00 in crack last night and call it the past.
The problem is he makes his past part of the present on a daily basis. And then he has the nerve to tell me when Im hurting and want answers, to stop the drama. He told me that yesterday.
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Old 10-23-2008, 08:34 AM
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I know exaclty how you feel. I also have that problem with mine. Its in the past.... Well the past is what makes the future. Thats what I tell him. But didnt you know that Im the one with the problem not him. Owell , Im at the piont where I just want peace. I dont want no drama. His recovery is his problem. Not mine.
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