Woah, stop the presses, she IS drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Woah, stop the presses, she IS drinking
Couldn't help myself. Boyfriend is visiting friends next door. My daughter is passed out in her bedroom and so I decided to have a little heart to heart with the new boyfriend. He is a nice guy, has been through addiction with his younger sister. I think he is a big codie but he did admit to her drinking. I just told him that she is looking for her next enabler and that if he thinks he can save her, he has my blessing but he needs to know where this is leading. I know that I should stay out of it. And I know that she will just find someone else or go back to the ex-abf. But I needed to know for sure and now I have my answer. She will be given a choice of going back to the halfway house (on a scholarship this time), going to days on her job and go to AA or move. I don't want any addiction under my roof. Boy they sure think that they are sneaky, but we addiction-educated moms are even sneakier
Hugs, Marle
Hugs, Marle
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
ah shoot...I know you feel uncomfortable about speaking to the boyfriend..but at least now you have the truth of where she is and you can be even clearer about where you need to be for yourself and for her....
sometimes our only tool IS the truth ...
Marle, sending prayers for strength and guidence for you and prayers for megan, that as she moves through this, her consequences eventually brings her back to the road of recovery...
Grateful
sometimes our only tool IS the truth ...
Marle, sending prayers for strength and guidence for you and prayers for megan, that as she moves through this, her consequences eventually brings her back to the road of recovery...
Grateful
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Marle,
You knew before you knew. And, if you're like me, knowing doesn't really change much. You saw the behaviors and knew she wasn't living a lifestyle of recovery... and you set your boundaries and are sticking to them.
YOUR recovery is shining, my friend. Do the next right thing and be sure to be extra gentle with yourself. This stuff takes a toll on us, ya know?
Hugs
Cats
You knew before you knew. And, if you're like me, knowing doesn't really change much. You saw the behaviors and knew she wasn't living a lifestyle of recovery... and you set your boundaries and are sticking to them.
YOUR recovery is shining, my friend. Do the next right thing and be sure to be extra gentle with yourself. This stuff takes a toll on us, ya know?
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by marle 
Boy they sure think that they are sneaky, but we addiction-educated moms are even sneakier
Good on you, stick to those boundaries, I'm beginning to realize had I stuck to mine no matter what the last few years I wouldn't have turned into such a mess
As a person who has taken many sponsees through the 12 steps my BS detector has become....very....practiced shall we say, as in I can smell BS a mile away, and it RUINED a relationship with a practicing/then newly sober alkie...she would sit there in front of me quack quack quack as I am learning to call it here, and I would just look at her with my mouth hanging open..and I'd say, for example, you know...I know you are lying to me, I have heard this crap literally 100's of times, but the problem began when I'd try to "prove" it, she'd get pretty angry and start with "but i'm different, I'm unique, I can control my drinking with willpower, I'm not like "those people" quack quack quack
Anyway, I'm (re)learning the tools, and I forgot the most important one
Vote with my feet, as in if I'm at your place, I'm gone, and if you are at mine, you're gone.
trying to compromise with that behavior ultimately just made me compromise myself, and not in a good way, things like my happiness, my integrity etc.
anyway, sorry to make this "about me" I just laughed about the "sneaky addiction trained" bit and it made me think of this
Good luck, you go get em girl
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Marle,
Well..she thought she pulled the wool over your eyes, but you're one smart cookie. Can't blame you for having an innocent conversation with her BF....but I think you had the big picture, anyway.
Hugs........
Well..she thought she pulled the wool over your eyes, but you're one smart cookie. Can't blame you for having an innocent conversation with her BF....but I think you had the big picture, anyway.
Hugs........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
She admitted it. We are working on a plan for her to move. I don't expect it to happen overnight. We are going to see what she can budget for different things. She has promised to come home after work and that she will respect our boundaries until she moves out. But she knows one more time and she is gone apartment or no apartment. Hugs, Marle
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It is what it is, and you're handling this just fine.
I'm not sure when it is, but there comes a point when we no longer need proof, when we no longer need our suspicions validated...we just know and that's good enough for us. You knew and when it was confirmed nothing changed, except that the truth was out in the open where everyone could talk about it.
Hugs to you and prayers for everyone.
I'm not sure when it is, but there comes a point when we no longer need proof, when we no longer need our suspicions validated...we just know and that's good enough for us. You knew and when it was confirmed nothing changed, except that the truth was out in the open where everyone could talk about it.
Hugs to you and prayers for everyone.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Marle,
I'm sorry your AD is back out there and sorry you are having to go through this again.
Like the other moms have said, I always knew in my gut. Denial was the name of the game early on, but as time went on, that mama's gut didn't lie.
I'm proud of the way you are handling this. Sounds like boundaries are in place in order for you to maintain some peace and serenity. Good for you.
In the meantime, I'm keeping both you and AD in my prayers, praying that she will just get sick 'n tired of the disease controlling her, and praying you feel the love and support of your recovery friends here as well as the peace that working a program can give.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
I'm sorry your AD is back out there and sorry you are having to go through this again.
Like the other moms have said, I always knew in my gut. Denial was the name of the game early on, but as time went on, that mama's gut didn't lie.
I'm proud of the way you are handling this. Sounds like boundaries are in place in order for you to maintain some peace and serenity. Good for you.
In the meantime, I'm keeping both you and AD in my prayers, praying that she will just get sick 'n tired of the disease controlling her, and praying you feel the love and support of your recovery friends here as well as the peace that working a program can give.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Sorry to hear about your daughter's relapse.
I hope she finds her way back to recovery.
You must be disappointed.
You obviously know what you must do.
Your daughter does too.
Wishing you both all the best.
I hope she finds her way back to recovery.
You must be disappointed.
You obviously know what you must do.
Your daughter does too.
Wishing you both all the best.
turning red!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
((Marle))
she admited to drinking or did she actually relapse on heroin? (i know most here think it's the same thing as drinks usually is the first step towards DOC but i tend to be less dramatic -or more naive!)
anyway, you are both in my thoughts.
x
Carine
she admited to drinking or did she actually relapse on heroin? (i know most here think it's the same thing as drinks usually is the first step towards DOC but i tend to be less dramatic -or more naive!)
anyway, you are both in my thoughts.
x
Carine
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