Hi, my teen started at the methadone clinic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 75
Hi, my teen started at the methadone clinic
Hi Everyone,
I am new and am glad i found this forum when trying to find information on methadone and the signs and symptoms of its usage (in a controlled environment). My 18 year old has been addicted to oxycontin for quite some time and rather than going into an inpatient facility, she agreed to go to outpatient methadone treatment at a local methadone clinic.
Monday was her first day at the clinic, and her first day without oxycontin. Amazingly enough, for the first few days, she was in great spirits and was very happy. Nearly back to her "old self" again after months of smoking oxycontin. For the past two days, her dosage of methadone now increased to 50mg, she looks like she is totally loaded, dozing off, her eyes are puffy, red, with pinpoint pupils. Being totally new to dealing with an addict, last night I accused her of being loaded on something else besides her Methadone. She looked and behaved just like she does when she comes home after having "smoked beans."
I am hoping to find support on here. I just don't know how to interact with her while she is going to treatment and if she relapses. I also don't know if she is being given too much methadone. When I told her I was concerned about her dosage being too high, she admitted that she thinks 50 mg is too much and that she feels like she is using the oxycontin. She is just 5'3 weighing 100 pounds.
I am just so worried about her. Thank you for listening.
357G
I am new and am glad i found this forum when trying to find information on methadone and the signs and symptoms of its usage (in a controlled environment). My 18 year old has been addicted to oxycontin for quite some time and rather than going into an inpatient facility, she agreed to go to outpatient methadone treatment at a local methadone clinic.
Monday was her first day at the clinic, and her first day without oxycontin. Amazingly enough, for the first few days, she was in great spirits and was very happy. Nearly back to her "old self" again after months of smoking oxycontin. For the past two days, her dosage of methadone now increased to 50mg, she looks like she is totally loaded, dozing off, her eyes are puffy, red, with pinpoint pupils. Being totally new to dealing with an addict, last night I accused her of being loaded on something else besides her Methadone. She looked and behaved just like she does when she comes home after having "smoked beans."
I am hoping to find support on here. I just don't know how to interact with her while she is going to treatment and if she relapses. I also don't know if she is being given too much methadone. When I told her I was concerned about her dosage being too high, she admitted that she thinks 50 mg is too much and that she feels like she is using the oxycontin. She is just 5'3 weighing 100 pounds.
I am just so worried about her. Thank you for listening.
357G
turning red!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Hi 357G,
First of all welcome to SR. I am sure lots of people will join and give you support & great advises, especially those who also have son/daughters A.
I am sorry for your pain & worry, it is very hard to have a loved one self-destructing and it is very hard to be powerless about it. Because that's what we are: powerless over addiction. What we can give them is our love and support, but sometimes we have to "let go". Anyway, others will explain it better than me.
Regarding methadone clinic, my boyfriend is a heroin addict and has been on/off methadone for treatment. What i've seen while he was on methadone was that he was completely functional and it was mostly hard to say he was on something, except when he was mixing methadone with heroin or sleeping pills: then it was worst then ever...
What is strange about your daudhter is that they increased the dosage: supposedly they should decrease it step by step, not the other way around?
take care of yourself,
Carine
First of all welcome to SR. I am sure lots of people will join and give you support & great advises, especially those who also have son/daughters A.
I am sorry for your pain & worry, it is very hard to have a loved one self-destructing and it is very hard to be powerless about it. Because that's what we are: powerless over addiction. What we can give them is our love and support, but sometimes we have to "let go". Anyway, others will explain it better than me.
Regarding methadone clinic, my boyfriend is a heroin addict and has been on/off methadone for treatment. What i've seen while he was on methadone was that he was completely functional and it was mostly hard to say he was on something, except when he was mixing methadone with heroin or sleeping pills: then it was worst then ever...
What is strange about your daudhter is that they increased the dosage: supposedly they should decrease it step by step, not the other way around?
take care of yourself,
Carine
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
When my 20 year old daughter first decided to put down the needle she went to a methadone clinic while waiting for an appt with a suboxone doctor. The dosage they had her on was way too high and she acted wasted too. They do get high on it and dealing with my daughter on a legal drug was just as bad as her DOC.
She had them lower her dose everyday and had to fight them over it. Towards the end of two weeks she went off it completely then, after withdrawals, switched to subs on her own, buying them from her dealer until she got in to see the sub doc.
If your daughter's dosage is higher than the equivalent of her prior use, her brain will start to produce extra endorphin receptors in response. If she doesn't ask them to lower the dose they won't. Methadone clinics are for profit.
Best wishes to your daughter, it's a start in the right direction. Best wishes to you too, on finding and maintaining serenity.
She had them lower her dose everyday and had to fight them over it. Towards the end of two weeks she went off it completely then, after withdrawals, switched to subs on her own, buying them from her dealer until she got in to see the sub doc.
If your daughter's dosage is higher than the equivalent of her prior use, her brain will start to produce extra endorphin receptors in response. If she doesn't ask them to lower the dose they won't. Methadone clinics are for profit.
Best wishes to your daughter, it's a start in the right direction. Best wishes to you too, on finding and maintaining serenity.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. My 22 year old daughter is my addict. She started on Oxy and progressed to heroin. She has been clean since the end of May. She is on Suboxone and that has made the difference this time. She is able to be normal and work on recovery without the cravings that kept her going back in the past. I don't know much about methadone but my daughter has used it in the past to get high and so she decided against that route to get clean. She said there is too much of a chance of abuse. An addict must want recovery or they will find a way to abuse any substance. Hopefully your daughter is ready for a different life. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Bristol,ct
Posts: 9
They should be able to reduce i with no problem if she asks them, my husband is a heroin addict and when he first started methadone his dose was to high and they dropped him, hwever they then began dropping him to much and refused to go back up which caused him to be sick and go back to the heroin
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Hey There 357girl ----
I can't really help you here as when I quit drugs (heroin included), I didn't use any maintenance program.....and I'm NOT 18 .....lolol (just a bit of levity, here). I'm old, and I do take methadone, but it's teeny/tiny doses (10mg) for pain (I know NOTHING about doses in the 50mg range)....BUT.....
I do have a suggestion, and a good one, if I do say so myself.... (o: There is a fellow on these forums who seems to have a lot of knowledge about maintenance programs (methadone, suboxone, subutex). He can usually be found over on the Subsance Abuse Forum; his nic is....: bvaljalo
Perhaps if you go over to that forum and make your title include his name...like: Searching for bvaljalo (something like that....?)....I know that when he sees your post, he will jump in with all the info you'll need....although he may have to ask you a few questions first.... (o:
I hope this helps some.... (o:
NoelleR
I can't really help you here as when I quit drugs (heroin included), I didn't use any maintenance program.....and I'm NOT 18 .....lolol (just a bit of levity, here). I'm old, and I do take methadone, but it's teeny/tiny doses (10mg) for pain (I know NOTHING about doses in the 50mg range)....BUT.....
I do have a suggestion, and a good one, if I do say so myself.... (o: There is a fellow on these forums who seems to have a lot of knowledge about maintenance programs (methadone, suboxone, subutex). He can usually be found over on the Subsance Abuse Forum; his nic is....: bvaljalo
Perhaps if you go over to that forum and make your title include his name...like: Searching for bvaljalo (something like that....?)....I know that when he sees your post, he will jump in with all the info you'll need....although he may have to ask you a few questions first.... (o:
I hope this helps some.... (o:
NoelleR
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
rather than going into an inpatient facility, she agreed to go to outpatient methadone treatment at a local methadone clinic.
First I took her to a series of rehabs, and she kept "getting kicked out" and it was always someone else's fault, she manipulated the situation shamelessly, and I didn't even see it. So then I took her to the methadone clinic, which was bad for two reasons, first, it put her in instant contact with all the local "junkies" (Doh!!!) and second, because she never addressed the issue of why she was addicted.
We did the methadone clinic experiment for like 6 months, with her constantly "relapsing", until I finally told her "poop or get off the pot" and she called some friends that came to "save" her from her "mean" brother, who had just dumped thousands of dollars in rehabs and methadone clinics.
Many of us believe that the actual drug use is but a symptom of a "disease" and unless you treat that ...your chances are slim. My experience with that is vast, and I believe that.
Ultimately, my sister had to hit her bottom, and then she went into a 6 month inpatient program to get sober...the thing I had to learn to do, even as a sober man with years of dealing with sponsees was learn to trust the counselors there, everything she told me was a manipulative lie as in "they are being mean to me" actually meant "they are making me do chores, make my bed, and start looking for a job."
Anyway, please consider that as an option, there are many wonderful programs out there that have medical services, and treat ALL the symptoms of addiction and give their "clients" the therapy and tools to manage those addictions and lead happy, sober, productive lives.
This is JUST my opinion, experience, strength and Hope, I'm not a licensed counselor, or therapist, and I have NO business giving "advice" but that's what ultimately worked for my sister and thousands of members of AA and NA I see on a weekly basis. Not ONE of them got sober doing a "maintenance program"
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying I have never seen it happen, I've had two "Oycontin Sponsees", one has 7 years, the other has 8 or 9 I think, and "the kick" was tough, one didn't sleep for like a month, but he made it, and both have incredible lives now, one has a baby on the way, and is working his "dream job" the other is a high end Software engineer, these are guys who came to me from living on the street with only the clothes on their back.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by NoelleR 
I do have a suggestion, and a good one, if I do say so myself.... (o: There is a fellow on these forums who seems to have a lot of knowledge about maintenance programs (methadone, suboxone, subutex). He can usually be found over on the Subsance Abuse Forum; his nic is....: bvaljalo
Perhaps if you go over to that forum and make your title include his name...like: Searching for bvaljalo (something like that....?)....I know that when he sees your post, he will jump in with all the info you'll need....although he may have to ask you a few questions first.... (o:
I hope this helps some.... (o:
NoelleR
here's one
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-answers.html
I mean to say, the drugs part is worse, of course, but it's for a different reason. By that I mean of course, changes to your brain chemistry resulting in the permanent condition known as addiction and all the craziness that ensues from it.
As others say, no, your never going to 'understand' without being an addict yourself. Our actions don't make sense because drugs become more powerful than ourselves. We lose the power to really 'choose' at a certain point, and it almost always takes really serious consequences along with coming to the point where the drugs just 'don't work' any more, either to get us high, or to numb the pain, before we start looking for a better way to live. Some never do, and the ends for them are always the same: jails, institutions, and death.
Something you really have to be aware of when dealing with opiates in particular is the phenomenon of craving and withdrawal. Many times people hooked on opiates would like to get off them and no longer really get 'high' off them (the real good high fades pretty quick actually once you're hooked and never really returns), but find themselves unable because of what we refer to around here as w/ds, aka withdrawals, 'kicking', 'hanging', 'dopesick', etc.
As others say, no, your never going to 'understand' without being an addict yourself. Our actions don't make sense because drugs become more powerful than ourselves. We lose the power to really 'choose' at a certain point, and it almost always takes really serious consequences along with coming to the point where the drugs just 'don't work' any more, either to get us high, or to numb the pain, before we start looking for a better way to live. Some never do, and the ends for them are always the same: jails, institutions, and death.
Something you really have to be aware of when dealing with opiates in particular is the phenomenon of craving and withdrawal. Many times people hooked on opiates would like to get off them and no longer really get 'high' off them (the real good high fades pretty quick actually once you're hooked and never really returns), but find themselves unable because of what we refer to around here as w/ds, aka withdrawals, 'kicking', 'hanging', 'dopesick', etc.
This http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/.../bvaljalo.html guy really seems to be on the ball, theres a link for you to look through his posts or private message him if you like.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 75
Thanks everyone for your supportive responses and information. I have a lot to learn about addiction and about the treatment my daughter is undergoing. I have no idea what the hell is going on, how I should act or not act to keep from enabling her. I don't know if it's good or bad, this methadone clinic. I can't help but wake up all throughout the night, opening her door to make sure she is still breathing, worrying if they are over-dosing her or helping her. I'm so used to living in the future, always thinking about tomorrow. No longer is that the case. Every minute seems to matter now. Looks like I have some homework to do on here. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 23
Methadone has been a true lifesaver for me. I was addicted to opiates for twenty long years and went through 13 abstinence based rehabs, thousands of 12 step meetings, and it just did not work out for me. In MMT I have found my life again. I feel normal, I work full time, I take care of my family, I have no cravings or desires to use, I am healthy and happy--but it is tough to find the right dose, and clinics are notorious about knowing less about methadone and how it actually works that the patients themselves sometimes. I have had to "educate" many a clinic employee in my time.
So, methadone CAN be a godsend, used correctly, but it can be very bad, used INcorrectly.
If you want to talk more, shoot me a PM.
So, methadone CAN be a godsend, used correctly, but it can be very bad, used INcorrectly.
If you want to talk more, shoot me a PM.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome 357girl -from another mom.
It is usually a long journey out of addiction.
What helped me?... working a program myself through al-anon. My own recovery has
been the silver lining in the dark cloud. It truly is a family disease.
Long-term inpatient offers the best chance, provided the addict has had enough negative consequences to be willing.
My 24 yr. old is in his 3rd treatment center, this one a year long.
He is still there after 7 mos.
It is hard to predict what the future holds...but change is inevitable. Keep the faith. Be hopeful. Take care of yourself. Don't allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole with your daughter.
Learning all you can abt. addiction is a good start. Learning all you can about your own recovery and the best way to deal with an addict will offer you a balance.
Otherwise, the pain of this can overwhelm you.
It is usually a long journey out of addiction.
What helped me?... working a program myself through al-anon. My own recovery has
been the silver lining in the dark cloud. It truly is a family disease.
Long-term inpatient offers the best chance, provided the addict has had enough negative consequences to be willing.
My 24 yr. old is in his 3rd treatment center, this one a year long.
He is still there after 7 mos.
It is hard to predict what the future holds...but change is inevitable. Keep the faith. Be hopeful. Take care of yourself. Don't allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole with your daughter.
Learning all you can abt. addiction is a good start. Learning all you can about your own recovery and the best way to deal with an addict will offer you a balance.
Otherwise, the pain of this can overwhelm you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: girard il
Posts: 23
Hi when I first got on methadone my dose was only 35mg which was not enough and they would only up it 5 mg at a time so I had to use to be comfortable to be able work now I am on 70mg which took a couple months and I am not using anymore but I hate the fact that now I am addicted to the methadone (which is far better than dope) and it does not get me high or make me tired at all. Just be patient with her and the program and it will get better:ghug2
Stef
Stef
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 75
So far so good. It has been nearly two weeks since my daughter started taking Methadone. She had them reduce her dose to 40 mg (from 50) on Monday. She is just a normal sound, normal acting person.. EXCEPT, she has had absolutely no appetite and is very nauseated. Today she missed her appointment at the clinic. In a way it scares me but in looking and talking to her, I don't think she missed because she did oxy. Every day that is alive is a blessing to me. Praying that this is a short road to recovery, I have never been one to have such luck though.
357girl
357girl
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
when she misses a dose, she is going through withdrawal symptoms... this is why she may have no appetite and the nausea, she may also get the sweats a lot if she misses.
Originally Posted by 357girl
So far so good. It has been nearly two weeks since my daughter started taking Methadone. She had them reduce her dose to 40 mg (from 50) on Monday. She is just a normal sound, normal acting person.. EXCEPT, she has had absolutely no appetite and is very nauseated. Today she missed her appointment at the clinic. In a way it scares me but in looking and talking to her, I don't think she missed because she did oxy. Every day that is alive is a blessing to me. Praying that this is a short road to recovery, I have never been one to have such luck though.
357girl
357girl
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Like Zenith, MMT has been a Blessing in my life. However, I would like to add that just being on Methadone is not the entire answer to a good Program of Recovery. Meetings, individual counseling, and a complete change in lifestyle is necessary, in my opinion, for a successful Recovery. Thanks to a wonderful conscious contact with my Higher Power, whom I called God, and these other factors, I have over 3 years Clean and Sober after 32 years of a living hell.It can take some time for the Dr.'s to find the right dose for someone in MMT. A person's size isn't so much as important as how much they were using and for how long. Sounds like the 40 mg. is doing her a lot better. As far as the nausea and lack of appetite, I imagine this is a temporary side effect that will go away. Has she talked to a nurse or the Dr. about this? As Zenith said, Methadone has a long half life and I doubt if missing one dose is causing her to have withdrawals. I know a great deal of others at the Clinic I go to who can miss a day here and there and not begin to have any withdrawal symptoms. Now, missing more than one day will certainly cause her to begin having symptoms. Excessive sweating is a common side effect of Methadone use. I have to laugh daily at all of us in line at the Clinic each day. The circulation in the building isn't the greatest and no matter what the temperture is outside, we are all sweating. Sweating and constipation are the two top side effects.
The best thing you can do for her is to support her in her Recovery is to let her work her own Program. I have a 19 year old son who is a normie but I know that in so many areas of his life, I want to tell him how to do things to keep him from experiencing any of life's bumps along the way.
Have you went to any Alanon or Naranon Meetings? I live in Dayton, Ohio and there are many more Alanon Meetings available. You will find a great deal of support there. After all, it's others like yourself who have an alcoholic or addict in their lives and wish to be supportive, but not a doormat to their loved one's addiction.
If you have any other questions that I can possibly answer, please feel free to PM me. I imagine this is a very scary thing to watch your child go through.
God Bless and Hang in There,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 83
Maam,
I should point out that Methadone is extremely difficult to get off of, from the standpoint of physical withdrawal, regardless of whether the addict goes cold turkey or tries to ease off of it. In a controlled setting (such as a lock down detox) there is nothing much the addict can do about it and so they will eventually make it through the withdrawals, although like I said it will be unpleasant. If your daughter is in an outpatient program however, and she is out and about for most of the day, I would say that severely decreases her odds of not reverting to a street opiate in order for her to handle the pain of withdrawal. One way or another, methadone is not a long term solution, although there are some people who remain on it for years and are capable of leading semi-functional lives. However as some other people have alluded to, it is still possible for someone to overdose on methadone or more commonly to have the methadone react with some other pharmacological substance they are taking which will cause them to OD (that is what happened to Anna Nicole Smiths son in September 2006).
I do sincerely hope that your situation improves and that your daughter can get clean...
I should point out that Methadone is extremely difficult to get off of, from the standpoint of physical withdrawal, regardless of whether the addict goes cold turkey or tries to ease off of it. In a controlled setting (such as a lock down detox) there is nothing much the addict can do about it and so they will eventually make it through the withdrawals, although like I said it will be unpleasant. If your daughter is in an outpatient program however, and she is out and about for most of the day, I would say that severely decreases her odds of not reverting to a street opiate in order for her to handle the pain of withdrawal. One way or another, methadone is not a long term solution, although there are some people who remain on it for years and are capable of leading semi-functional lives. However as some other people have alluded to, it is still possible for someone to overdose on methadone or more commonly to have the methadone react with some other pharmacological substance they are taking which will cause them to OD (that is what happened to Anna Nicole Smiths son in September 2006).
I do sincerely hope that your situation improves and that your daughter can get clean...
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Lots of good information for you on your daughter here, but I just wanted to take a moment to talk about you. I know you are worried and concerned and I'll bet this disease is making you kinda sick too, isn't it? I know when my daughter was attempting recovery and in and out of detox or rehab, my life revolved around what she was doing, how she looked whether she was using, etc. I was a mess and I was trying to control the uncontrollable. Physically and emotionally I was sinking.
I'm so glad you found SR. The support here helps us learn more about how we can help ourselves and find peace and serenity despite addiction in our lives. I found face to face Alanon and Naranon meetings for me in addition to coming here, to be a way to move from the darkness that had become my life, to a place of peace. I suggest that you may want to give some meetings a try too. This is a tough journey both for you and your daughter, but working recovery on both sides truly helps. Hugs
I'm so glad you found SR. The support here helps us learn more about how we can help ourselves and find peace and serenity despite addiction in our lives. I found face to face Alanon and Naranon meetings for me in addition to coming here, to be a way to move from the darkness that had become my life, to a place of peace. I suggest that you may want to give some meetings a try too. This is a tough journey both for you and your daughter, but working recovery on both sides truly helps. Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 75
Thank you for encouraging the naranon meetings. I have been talking to my daughter about them and she found a friend to go with on Monday, sometime during the day while I am at work. I need to go too, this I know.
The clinic reduced her dose to 35 mg this morning because she missed her dose on Thursday.. interesting that they still gave her 40 mg on Friday but I guess it wasn't in the notes yet.
She was also supposed to take a UA this morning to see if she tested positive for opiates since she did not go in on Thursday, but apparently they ran out of time and did not give her one this morning. I went with her, sat out in my car for about an hour. The place was packed. I saw so many different types of people walking in an out. I was suprised, and yet encouraged to know that there were young girls and boys in there, my daughters age, that were trying to get help.
I have no idea whether or not this is going to work out. For those of you who say it takes more than medicine to overcome the addiction you are absolutely, dead on.
Going through this with her is actually making me into a better mom these days. I have been so self absorbed for the past few years, selfish with my time to say the least. One thing I am doing differently is not letting her moodiness bring me down. So far, I have been able to bite my tongue when she gets angry about the silliest of things and when I'm calm and don't take it personal, she responds to me with more respect.
Ya, I have been watching her every move, analyzing her, worrying about what she's doing every second of the day. It's hard not to. I see these homeless kids in downtown Seattle everyday when I'm walking to my office building. I wonder how they got there, where their parents are and how much grief their parents must be going through. I'm grateful to have her home with me. She's even going to the corn maze with me tonight, for my employer's sponsored BBQ. Normally, she would totally refuse, but she's not really fighting me on this one. I hope she does okay.
But, I'm still here on this forum, knowing that I'm going to be here for a long time. It feels right to be here.
357girl
The clinic reduced her dose to 35 mg this morning because she missed her dose on Thursday.. interesting that they still gave her 40 mg on Friday but I guess it wasn't in the notes yet.
She was also supposed to take a UA this morning to see if she tested positive for opiates since she did not go in on Thursday, but apparently they ran out of time and did not give her one this morning. I went with her, sat out in my car for about an hour. The place was packed. I saw so many different types of people walking in an out. I was suprised, and yet encouraged to know that there were young girls and boys in there, my daughters age, that were trying to get help.
I have no idea whether or not this is going to work out. For those of you who say it takes more than medicine to overcome the addiction you are absolutely, dead on.
Going through this with her is actually making me into a better mom these days. I have been so self absorbed for the past few years, selfish with my time to say the least. One thing I am doing differently is not letting her moodiness bring me down. So far, I have been able to bite my tongue when she gets angry about the silliest of things and when I'm calm and don't take it personal, she responds to me with more respect.
Ya, I have been watching her every move, analyzing her, worrying about what she's doing every second of the day. It's hard not to. I see these homeless kids in downtown Seattle everyday when I'm walking to my office building. I wonder how they got there, where their parents are and how much grief their parents must be going through. I'm grateful to have her home with me. She's even going to the corn maze with me tonight, for my employer's sponsored BBQ. Normally, she would totally refuse, but she's not really fighting me on this one. I hope she does okay.
But, I'm still here on this forum, knowing that I'm going to be here for a long time. It feels right to be here.
357girl
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1
357Girl, you remind me of my own mother so much. I am an only child, suffice to say my mom (and dad) put all their time, love, and energy into raising me. There were never any drugs or alcohol in my home. In fact, you could say I was a little bit sheltered from the "bad things" in life - my dad wouldn't let me go to a music concert with my friends until I was 16, ha!
When I was 18, I moved out of the house to go to college. Only a few months into it, I met a guy who, on the surface, seemed great. Attractive, charming - I started to go out with him. Before I knew it, he moved in with me at my apartment. That's when I started to learn things about him, like that he was a "former" heroin addict, that he had done time in prison, that he really was not at all the person I thought he was.
But, I was a naive 18 year old, and I thought I was in love. To make a very, very long story short, by 19 I was doing heroin. I went from someone who would never, ever do something like that, to thinking "well, maybe I'll try it just this once..."
My mom, my poor mom. She was so naive about addiction. She didn't realize I was a drug addict until literally years later. I'd go to her house and steal money from her without her knowledge. Even after "the boyfriend" went back to prison, and I moved in with her, she was in such denial. I remember when she first found syringes in my room - "Are you a diabetic?!"
Thus began 7 years of hell. During that time, I was on the streets, with various "boyfriends," aka dealers who would support my habit. I ended up stripping for 2 years while not talking to my mother. Things got very bad. I almost lost my life from "septic shock" from an abcess deep in my leg.
When you talk about how you analize her every move, trying to figure out if she's loaded or not - I hear my own mother talking. When you talked about how you sat outside the methadone clniic watching the different people going in and out - again, my mother.
2 years ago, I first tried getting on suboxone for 2 months - didn't help me. It was expensive and I still had cravings all the time. Then I got on methadone - and it was the solution I had been searching for. Finally. I'm not going to lie and say I love going to the clinic all the time. But after over a year and a half there, I have never once missed a dose (and can't understand why your daughter would miss one, unless she decided to get high - really, if someone on methadone is going to miss a dose, believe me, they WILL have a backup plan, otherwise they will go into withdrawal). I have a fulltime job, I have a great apartment, finally have a great relationship with not only my mom, but my entire family - and am in a relationship with a man who treats me like gold, who has never done drugs, and only wants to see me succeed in life.
Yes, at the clinic there are other former junkies - but they are trying to get help, as well. Really, I think it depends on what clinic you go to. In downtown Dallas, the clinic there is a madhouse, with a 2 hour wait, and drugs being sold outside. But my clinic, on the outskirts of Dallas, is very quiet, with about a 5 minute wait - maybe 5 people there at a time. None of these people want to be out doing dope - that's why they're on methadone. They don't miss doses, because that would jeopardise their status at the clinic - if you miss too many doses, they can lower your dose, or they can kick you off of the program.
Why didn't I just go to detox and get off everything altogether? Regardless of what anyone says, I wholeheartedly believe that opiates change the receptors in one's brain. After doing opiates for so long, it is extremely difficult to live without them. You crave them all the damn time. I have gone through detox and various rehabs countless times, completing them each time, only to relapse. My longest time clean since I was 19 was 9 months (about 3 years ago) and I craved heroin every damn day. It's like the cravings built up in my mind until I finally went out and used again. "Just this once," as it always starts out.
I recall one time, my mom was so desperate for me to stop using, she told me that "every time I put a needle into my arm, it's like stabbing her in the heart." Now if that isn't enough to make someone stop, what could be? And still, I couldn't stop. Anything she said made no difference to me. I was going to do what I was going to do, and that's that.
My mother has done things like follow my car around town just to be sure I'm not using - spyed on my phonecalls, etc. The thing is, the more she does that, the more paranoid she becomes. It's not good. One day she called me, out of the blue, screaming at me, asking me who this person is, who that person is, why did I go here on this day - all of these things she had taken out of context and blown out of proportion. She was trying so hard to catch me doing something wrong, that she'd see me getting a ride from a friend at work and think I was buying drugs. Things like that.
Finally, I guess she realized that meticulously analising me is doing her no good - in fact, she had to get on medication herself just to calm her nerves over me.
I lived with a lot of guilt about hurting my mother over the years. Your daughter is not trying to hurt you. She loves you - you're her mother for God's sake. Opiates are powerful. They are controlling. The most important thing in her mind is not to go through withdrawal. No matter how bad you think withdrawal is, believe me, it's worse than that. Your daughter has got to work her own program and get better through trial and error. She may falter - she may relapse - but she does love you. Just love her, pray for her, and don't give up on her. Now that my mom has stuck to that program, things have been much better for the both of us.
When I was 18, I moved out of the house to go to college. Only a few months into it, I met a guy who, on the surface, seemed great. Attractive, charming - I started to go out with him. Before I knew it, he moved in with me at my apartment. That's when I started to learn things about him, like that he was a "former" heroin addict, that he had done time in prison, that he really was not at all the person I thought he was.
But, I was a naive 18 year old, and I thought I was in love. To make a very, very long story short, by 19 I was doing heroin. I went from someone who would never, ever do something like that, to thinking "well, maybe I'll try it just this once..."
My mom, my poor mom. She was so naive about addiction. She didn't realize I was a drug addict until literally years later. I'd go to her house and steal money from her without her knowledge. Even after "the boyfriend" went back to prison, and I moved in with her, she was in such denial. I remember when she first found syringes in my room - "Are you a diabetic?!"
Thus began 7 years of hell. During that time, I was on the streets, with various "boyfriends," aka dealers who would support my habit. I ended up stripping for 2 years while not talking to my mother. Things got very bad. I almost lost my life from "septic shock" from an abcess deep in my leg.
When you talk about how you analize her every move, trying to figure out if she's loaded or not - I hear my own mother talking. When you talked about how you sat outside the methadone clniic watching the different people going in and out - again, my mother.
2 years ago, I first tried getting on suboxone for 2 months - didn't help me. It was expensive and I still had cravings all the time. Then I got on methadone - and it was the solution I had been searching for. Finally. I'm not going to lie and say I love going to the clinic all the time. But after over a year and a half there, I have never once missed a dose (and can't understand why your daughter would miss one, unless she decided to get high - really, if someone on methadone is going to miss a dose, believe me, they WILL have a backup plan, otherwise they will go into withdrawal). I have a fulltime job, I have a great apartment, finally have a great relationship with not only my mom, but my entire family - and am in a relationship with a man who treats me like gold, who has never done drugs, and only wants to see me succeed in life.
Yes, at the clinic there are other former junkies - but they are trying to get help, as well. Really, I think it depends on what clinic you go to. In downtown Dallas, the clinic there is a madhouse, with a 2 hour wait, and drugs being sold outside. But my clinic, on the outskirts of Dallas, is very quiet, with about a 5 minute wait - maybe 5 people there at a time. None of these people want to be out doing dope - that's why they're on methadone. They don't miss doses, because that would jeopardise their status at the clinic - if you miss too many doses, they can lower your dose, or they can kick you off of the program.
Why didn't I just go to detox and get off everything altogether? Regardless of what anyone says, I wholeheartedly believe that opiates change the receptors in one's brain. After doing opiates for so long, it is extremely difficult to live without them. You crave them all the damn time. I have gone through detox and various rehabs countless times, completing them each time, only to relapse. My longest time clean since I was 19 was 9 months (about 3 years ago) and I craved heroin every damn day. It's like the cravings built up in my mind until I finally went out and used again. "Just this once," as it always starts out.
I recall one time, my mom was so desperate for me to stop using, she told me that "every time I put a needle into my arm, it's like stabbing her in the heart." Now if that isn't enough to make someone stop, what could be? And still, I couldn't stop. Anything she said made no difference to me. I was going to do what I was going to do, and that's that.
My mother has done things like follow my car around town just to be sure I'm not using - spyed on my phonecalls, etc. The thing is, the more she does that, the more paranoid she becomes. It's not good. One day she called me, out of the blue, screaming at me, asking me who this person is, who that person is, why did I go here on this day - all of these things she had taken out of context and blown out of proportion. She was trying so hard to catch me doing something wrong, that she'd see me getting a ride from a friend at work and think I was buying drugs. Things like that.
Finally, I guess she realized that meticulously analising me is doing her no good - in fact, she had to get on medication herself just to calm her nerves over me.
I lived with a lot of guilt about hurting my mother over the years. Your daughter is not trying to hurt you. She loves you - you're her mother for God's sake. Opiates are powerful. They are controlling. The most important thing in her mind is not to go through withdrawal. No matter how bad you think withdrawal is, believe me, it's worse than that. Your daughter has got to work her own program and get better through trial and error. She may falter - she may relapse - but she does love you. Just love her, pray for her, and don't give up on her. Now that my mom has stuck to that program, things have been much better for the both of us.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
