092govs

Hi, my boyfriend had relapsed after being sober for almost 4 years. I’m aware that the road to recovery is an uphill battle with a lot of set backs. He is actively seeking an outpatient treatment but he can’t stay sober. He’ll use every other day “just to make it my mind stop”. We have 2 babies together and because of his drug use I had to tell him to leave and he is now living with his parents, I can’t have him like that around our children. He tells me he wants to be with us and that he loves our family he just doesn’t know how to stop now. He knows what he is doing isn’t good for me and our kids but he just can’t stop. He’s not in a treatment yet, but he has found a few places that are willing to take him as a client. He lies, and is being sneaky he destroyed a rental car his parents paid for, his friend kicked him out of his place, he owes people money, he disappeared for 3 days to go on a drug binge leaving me alone with our 1 and 2 year old, so I can’t trust anything he says. He wants to see me and the kids but I had to set boundaries, he is not allowed to physically be with us until he can remain sober for a full week. We communicate everyday over the phone otherwise. He said he’ll try cause he wants to be with us, but I don’t know if he can. Is our relationship a lost cause? How will this affect us and our kids, I don’t know what to do at this point, I want to be with him, our kids miss him, he misses us, we’re all miserable but we can’t trust him.

trailmix

Hi 092, I think you are well on the right path.

You're right that it's not good for him to be around your children right now (or you). He says he can't stop, but perhaps with help he will be able to. I hope he will get in to treatment as soon as possible.

I'm sure he would like to see you all, but you are right in insisting he be sober for at least a week.

Now is a good time to focus on you and your children. You mention that he has found a few places that will take him as a client, so why hasn't he gone there? Really the proof will be in his actions, rather than his words, which I'm sure you know.

So perhaps leave that with him, to show you that he is making changes, going to treatment etc. You can step back perhaps and take good care of yourself.

Even after treatment, perhaps some time at a sober house might work well for him?

Bute

Hi 92
I would agree. Let him get into treatment, and hopefully on a better path. Does he receive support for his mental health? The drug use will certainly screw his thoughts up.
Take care of you and your babies and as trailmix said, let him show you the changes. He knows it's not good for him to be around you and the kids when he's actively using.
Just take each day as it comes.
Much Love
Bute x