Need advice - daughter in trouble
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: tyler texas
Posts: 8
Wow, I can't believe the lawyer did not suggest that u take her to court and drug test her. In my state ( texas) you would get custody no problem. you wrote that she knows how to fool the system-you can't fool a nail test it goes back at least 3 months and up to 6. I don't know if your state does those but you should check it out. My father is a family law attorney and my girlfriend is a legal assistant- you have options, many of them. What type of attorney did you see? Maybe you should look into consulting another attorney just to see if they give you the same advice. btw does your ex have a bf ? If she does, he probably uses too and would fail a drug test as well. Also, you could record phone conversations with the ex and try to get her to admit what happened. I don't know how sly you can be but it's possible. I guess what I'm getting at is even if your daughter completes a successful recovery, she will be going back to a home where drugs are not only used but encouraged. How could anyone, especially a child, stay clean in that environment. DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO GAIN CUSTODY!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Follow up:
I went to my old "home group" tonight, there were about 80 high school to early 20's there (in addition to us fogeys), a young lady spoke tonight, and sure enough the share was as follows:
Father goes to mexico, she goes on a bender, repercussions, voop Daddy tosses her in rehab, out of rehab, few months later, drinking, then using then downward spiral...
Mr Wizarrrrd (daddy) come save me (she's in jail)
Daddy says, nope, sorry hon, can't help you any more, it's time you learned the consequences of your actions
She has a "moment of clarity" in jail, that was 3 years ago, she's working on her masters, sober, happy, even got a new kitten today
So, anyway, I don't give "advice" but if I did, it might look something like this:
get her in rehab and then don't enable her
Good luck
I went to my old "home group" tonight, there were about 80 high school to early 20's there (in addition to us fogeys), a young lady spoke tonight, and sure enough the share was as follows:
Father goes to mexico, she goes on a bender, repercussions, voop Daddy tosses her in rehab, out of rehab, few months later, drinking, then using then downward spiral...
Mr Wizarrrrd (daddy) come save me (she's in jail)
Daddy says, nope, sorry hon, can't help you any more, it's time you learned the consequences of your actions
She has a "moment of clarity" in jail, that was 3 years ago, she's working on her masters, sober, happy, even got a new kitten today
So, anyway, I don't give "advice" but if I did, it might look something like this:
get her in rehab and then don't enable her
Good luck
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Hi dad, i'm sorry this has hit you and your family.
I know drugs are drugs no matter what they are but what sticks out in your post is that she tried heroin 3 times?!! All drugs are bad, but of your list of things she's "tried', heroin is not one to wait out and see if she quits it all. (I'm the mother of a recovering heroin addict) do what needs to be done NOW, don't wait and wonder if you SHOULD. You know the saying better safe than sorry, well thats a bit of an understatement here.
I don't mean to scare you or to be harsh but I don't want to see you go through what I and many here have gone through if you can "catch this early".
good luck and God bless
I know drugs are drugs no matter what they are but what sticks out in your post is that she tried heroin 3 times?!! All drugs are bad, but of your list of things she's "tried', heroin is not one to wait out and see if she quits it all. (I'm the mother of a recovering heroin addict) do what needs to be done NOW, don't wait and wonder if you SHOULD. You know the saying better safe than sorry, well thats a bit of an understatement here.
I don't mean to scare you or to be harsh but I don't want to see you go through what I and many here have gone through if you can "catch this early".
good luck and God bless
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
I guess I would just keep reiterating the rules. Keep on the mom, too. I would make sure the mom knows that if you get wind of any kind of drug use in her home, you will notify the authorities, and you'll keep doing it. I guess consistency is the key here.
But, I'm not sure I can see how a court would award custody to the mother if it can be proven that the mom is providing drugs. I'm just confused on that point. Maybe try another lawyer? I don't know.
I know that courts have the tendency to side with the mother and to ask children what THEY want (and if she's doing drugs and having fun, why would she want to change?) But, with all the poking around, something has to turn up.
Get a list of friends who she does this with. Maybe if you told your daughter that you would start calling their parents and calling the cops on them, she might take this more seriously? I don't know. I know if this was my daughter, I'd take a stab at the court system. I'd make call after call. I'd hire a bulldog lawyer that WILL take the case. I'd consider moving to another area. I'd consider military school, therapy, family sessions, acupuncture, exorcism, whatever it took. I'm really not kidding.
If I could show her what her life would be if she kept smoking pot, I would. I know plenty of people who live for pot and they have miserable, crappy little lives with no motivation. They're a joke.
Just hang in there. Don't give up. She's a minor. And she thinks she knows what's best for her, what she can and cannot handle. Everyone has been there. Every single person has.
I also agree that the heroin is a nasty drug--not a path I would ever want anyone I cared for to go down. Try renting "Requiem to a Dream" and see how drug use can start off as "neat" and "Fun" and end up disgustingly tragic. She may as well snort draino if she's tried heroin. If you wouldn't let her drink bleach, there's no reason that heroin is acceptable.
I would also suggest drug testing. But, I know many here aren't so hip on that. I'm all for every tool you can possibly reach.
/hugs
But, I'm not sure I can see how a court would award custody to the mother if it can be proven that the mom is providing drugs. I'm just confused on that point. Maybe try another lawyer? I don't know.
I know that courts have the tendency to side with the mother and to ask children what THEY want (and if she's doing drugs and having fun, why would she want to change?) But, with all the poking around, something has to turn up.
Get a list of friends who she does this with. Maybe if you told your daughter that you would start calling their parents and calling the cops on them, she might take this more seriously? I don't know. I know if this was my daughter, I'd take a stab at the court system. I'd make call after call. I'd hire a bulldog lawyer that WILL take the case. I'd consider moving to another area. I'd consider military school, therapy, family sessions, acupuncture, exorcism, whatever it took. I'm really not kidding.
If I could show her what her life would be if she kept smoking pot, I would. I know plenty of people who live for pot and they have miserable, crappy little lives with no motivation. They're a joke.
Just hang in there. Don't give up. She's a minor. And she thinks she knows what's best for her, what she can and cannot handle. Everyone has been there. Every single person has.
I also agree that the heroin is a nasty drug--not a path I would ever want anyone I cared for to go down. Try renting "Requiem to a Dream" and see how drug use can start off as "neat" and "Fun" and end up disgustingly tragic. She may as well snort draino if she's tried heroin. If you wouldn't let her drink bleach, there's no reason that heroin is acceptable.
I would also suggest drug testing. But, I know many here aren't so hip on that. I'm all for every tool you can possibly reach.
/hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 115
Sleeplessdad, pot is not an innocent drug. If there is any way you can communicate with your daughter about that... it's not the old "gateway drug" argument... pot arrests a person's relationship and coping skills development... so if she continues to use, she will be stuck as a 16 year old even when she is, say, 36... when the stakes of life are much higher (being responsible for providing her own means to support herself and anyone else she may have brought into the world by that time).
Pot is not innocent- if you want I have a posting in the Relationships and Parenting forum if you might be interesting in reading a different real-life outcome (meaning- different than the "great life" she thinks her mom has) as an example for your daughter of how a potheads behaviors and choices play out on other lives. Pot has blown my family apart. Today I go to court to divorce my recovering pot head husband, who even though he has not used since our seperation, has no clue that his behaviors and coping skills are that of a 13 year old (which is how old he was when he started using). There will not be a white picket fence for her at the end of a marijuana rainbow... only heartbreak and confusion.
Please, please intervene while she is still under your parentage. Please find your courage, gather your strength and prepare to battle consistently and relentlessly against whatever forces that work against your daughter's life... ultimately her choices are hers, but while you can, intervene and derail this downward spiral as much as possible. You are in the right place and are doing the right thing, just keep on doing it and please keep coming back to SR!
Pot is not innocent- if you want I have a posting in the Relationships and Parenting forum if you might be interesting in reading a different real-life outcome (meaning- different than the "great life" she thinks her mom has) as an example for your daughter of how a potheads behaviors and choices play out on other lives. Pot has blown my family apart. Today I go to court to divorce my recovering pot head husband, who even though he has not used since our seperation, has no clue that his behaviors and coping skills are that of a 13 year old (which is how old he was when he started using). There will not be a white picket fence for her at the end of a marijuana rainbow... only heartbreak and confusion.
Please, please intervene while she is still under your parentage. Please find your courage, gather your strength and prepare to battle consistently and relentlessly against whatever forces that work against your daughter's life... ultimately her choices are hers, but while you can, intervene and derail this downward spiral as much as possible. You are in the right place and are doing the right thing, just keep on doing it and please keep coming back to SR!
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