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I don't know what to do.

Old 09-28-2008, 01:01 PM
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I don't know what to do.

I have my own struggles in staying sober but I'm on the road to recovery. One of the things that I have to do is stay away from my family members because every time I visit my family, I have an uncle who continuously tries to get me pulled into a relapse.

So I have been avoiding family.

Also, my mom has been on a week long drug binge and I can't bear to watch it. So I recently decided not to visit for a while for my own well being. It is breaking me inside watching my mom destroy herself.

But 30 minutes ago, my mom called me freaking out (I can tell by her shaky voice that she was using for the last few days) and she wants me to drive 30 miles to the families house to take her to the doctor to get her blood pressure medicine. However, that is putting me back in a dangerous environment and not only that, but it messes with my own emotional health by being around the family.

However, I feel very selfish and like a bad daughter if I don't go but I am wondering how she was able to stay drugged up all week and is now unable to get to a doctor when she needs to go.

I can't be around my family without risking my own recovery but I feel like such a horrible person for not going. I mean, this is my mom. I don't know what to do.
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Old 09-28-2008, 01:31 PM
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Hi Hope, I certainly can understand your situation here. You have to put yourself first with your recovery. Doesn't your mom have a good friend you could call and ask for some assistance here. I'd be more than happy to help out any of my friends daughters if asked....Reach out hon~ there has to be someone out there to help your mom...Good luck, Bonnie
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Old 09-28-2008, 01:39 PM
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She said that she was also trying to call a friend of hers.

Everyone is pretty much upset with her now.

She has gone on to the last stages of her addiction.

I'm just sad. I really miss having my mom. I don't even know her anymore.

I told her recently that if she isn't going to get help, then I have to distance myself from her. It just hurts me too much. And she said some hurtful things back to me.
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Old 09-28-2008, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Hope View Post

I told her recently that if she isn't going to get help, then I have to distance myself from her. It just hurts me too much. And she said some hurtful things back to me.
IMO, you're doing the right thing, save yourself by ALL means. You could suggest that you will call her a cab to get her where she needs to be. A cab would cost a lot less than you being exposed to unstable people, causing a possible relapse.

If she said mean things, remember, it's the drugs talking, not your mom.


Hugs...
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Old 09-28-2008, 03:10 PM
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Sending you some hugs. I had to turn my back on my daughter and distance myself until she was ready for recovery, so I know how much that hurts. But you putting your sobriety in danger is not going to help her. Stay safe. Hugs, Marle
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Old 09-28-2008, 03:32 PM
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Thanks for the responses.

I appreciate you all letting me know that it's okay to take care of me even if that means making a hard decision not to help her.

It's 5:30 and I haven't called back yet. It makes me feel bad to think of not helping her but I have to do what is right for my recovery.
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Old 09-28-2008, 03:36 PM
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I did tell her that she needs to get help for her problem.

But I can't force her into recovery. I can't cure this.

She has other people in the family enabling her addiction and I'm scared that she will never find recovery.

It is painful. It's hard to detach with love when you care and love someone so much.
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Old 09-28-2008, 03:42 PM
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Tell her you'll need twenty dollars for gas and go get them yourself for her. You won't have to deal with her. Then put them in her mailbox and tell her you were very busy and had to go. Have her leave the money in the mailbox too.
If you make it complicated for her then she is less likely to call upon you for future things? Just a thought. ((HUGS))
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Old 09-28-2008, 04:16 PM
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An update: She did find a ride to the doctor. She got some crazy guy to take her.

Good thing that I didn't go there. When I called the house to check on her, my uncle answered the phone and was talking to me about drinking.

He doesn't care if I destroy myself or get thrown out of school. I dropped all my summer classes because I couldn't quit drinking. But I have another chance to make better choices now.

So.......... I'm glad that I did not go there or I would have had that to deal with in person.

Whew......... it really is a crazy life dealing with active addicts.
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Old 09-28-2008, 04:49 PM
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But I have another chance to make better choices now.
Yes you do, Hope, and it looks like you just made a good choice by staying away from the chaos.

There is no shame in taking care of yourself, walking into their hell won't help either one of you.

Don't answer the phone if that will help you avoid all this. It's a dangerous situation to allow this to continue.

I'm cheering you on, Hope, just keep looking ahead and be true to yourself and your own recovery.

Hugs
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Old 09-28-2008, 04:59 PM
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(((Hope)))
You did wonderful, just waiting it out. Your recovery is shining.
And you KNOW what's best for you.

Nice job.

Hugs,
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Old 09-28-2008, 05:09 PM
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Good for you Hope. School is the best thing you can do for yourself for a shining future. Stay sober, work hard and you'll be so proud of yourself...Hugs, Bonnie
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Old 09-28-2008, 05:59 PM
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I feel better after writing about it and getting the input. You have all helped me more than you know.




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Old 09-28-2008, 07:56 PM
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If this was me, I would stay put... I would be too nervous of how the requested medicine would counteract with the drugs she is abusing. (I don't know her DOC). Benzos by an addict could be called a "blood pressure medicine" and yet when combined with an opiate can be deadly. I am just weary when an addict makes such requests to get medicine, it seems a lot of things are called "medicine".
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