update, no so good.
 

So the ABF does not live with me. He said he was clean, and going to meetings... He was going to take me out on a "date" today. He said he would pick me up and take me to a movie, then a meeting, maybe church and said he would go home. He wanted this to work, and wanted to do it right... I called today. He went to jail yesterday, got into a big thing with his parents because they would not drive him to get dope, hit both of them... His 70 year old dad has a broken hand now, and mom is all bruised up. He kicked the TV, and this is a big plasma types of tv's, went upstairs and got the shotgun. The cops had to call for back up, he is in the hospital, it seems that he might have cut an artery when kicking the tv, mom says there is so much blood all over the house. Her window is broken from the shotgun, and the house is a mess... oh and get this, the cops could not come right away because they were changing shifts and they were going to have to wait... i have to say, i have never had good experiences with the cops... i wish there was a type of addict police that former addicts come, like super sponsors, i think the addict would listen to them more then a cop... so that is that... i am home, stood up, thinking that he really was doing the right thing.

i am reading "codependent no more", I read it a long time ago because I am a child of an alcoholic. The book did not make sense to me back then. I think because I was so young. I must have been 17 reading the book... now that I am 31, the book is really helping me, and I hate self-help books....

wow, Littlebird, talk about dodging a bullet!
I am sorry his parents had to go through that and thank God his dad only suffered an injured hand, my prayers go out to them..
I am glad you were spared and now he is where he needs to be...
yes, co-dependent No More is one of those books with the potential to get worn out..lol...glad you are revisiting it ..hugs and prayers for you, Grateful

littlebird
I am so sorry your are going thru this.

I also read codepen no more in the past ~~a few years ago, and when I read it I kept saying this isnt me my parents werent alcoholics and ya know they werent but the disfunction was there

then here on SR others kept saying read the book, so I read it again, and this time I was like OH my this is so ME ~~~~when I stopped looking at all the things in the book that werent "me" I was shocked to see how much of it is ME!!!

Its helped me alot.
Hugs and prayers for you
remember this isnt about you, these are his issues that have nothing to do with you or your worth as a person

as much as I tried to not get hopeful, my heart is so broken... i have so many tears, i am past a tissue, they just get so wet with the first use, i graduated to a face cloth.

littlebird

I too have spent many nights with the tears and the sobbing
It hurts and you think it will never get better

but it can and it will maybe not all at once but little by little it does

so honey cry all you need to, scream if you need to but when your done dont blame yourself just put your focus on taking care of yourself

Yeah, I started by highlighting all the points that pertained to me, and that stuck out... then I noticed that I was highlighting the WHOLE book!! No instead of black and white, its a bright yellow and black and white. (kind of a wired analogy of what maybe to come, a bright light highlight in my life)

i accept it is not my fault and i can't do anything, but it is so sad as you know. the hurricane in texas and in the past new orleans, was not my fault, it was a higher powers will, but people joined and helped to rebuild and fix... i wish it could be the same with addiction.... it is the devils will in my opinion, a false prophet.

and no one knows, i have no one to cry to 'but all of you... all i can get it cyber hugs, and that is nice, but i wish i could just lay and cry in someones arms... i know i have my higher power, but i really wish right now i could go to my mom and cry. (she would only yell at me and say how i have problems that i would allow myself to get this upset, i have accepted that, and my mom is not the type to cry to or hug.) god i am so sad right now, its just another nail on the coffin.

aww sweetie,
I spent years crying over my AD... I understand.....
and I am sorry you are in such pain,
those tears can be so healing ,and will release you.. let them flow...
Liesagain is right, this isn't about you...
Al-Anon will help you learn to put the focus on you and take your life back..:hug: Grateful

Littlebird, I am sorry your life has been so enmeshed with addiction. However, there is light at the end of the long tunnel, honest.

That is not quite true. Yes, you have us here at SR, but now would be a good time for you to find some Alanon meetings for YOU. There you will find some great folks, who you can call and talk with, whenever you need, folks who have been where you are now, or are where you are now. Alanon is for YOU, not him.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

Ahh sweetie, I am sooo sorry. You cry here all you need to until you are ready to move on.

But it is in many ways, just not in the ways we want it to be to the exact science.
But we all help rebuild and fix each other all the time.
You hang in there, we are here for you.
I am glad his parents did not get hurt worse and that you are okay also..

:ghug

I have to say living in New York, you would think there would be more meetings being in such a big city. The problem is that I am at work when most of these meetings are going on, and have no car... the one meeting I went to a few times is a gay group, and I'm not gay, so it's a little hard to relate... I wish there was one.... I may just go to an NA meeting.

(((Littlebird)))

I'm so sorry. I, too, know the feeling of just wanting to cry and be hugged/held. These days I just snuggle up with my cat, Elvis. It's not the same, but it sure helps.

I read codependent no more a few times...first time I thought it didn't pertain to me. I think I went through 3 copies and several highlighters:)

Give yourself time to grieve. We have to walk through the feelings to get to the other side. I've tried every way AROUND the feelings, but when I do that, they just come back and seem worse.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Here's where to start, as I know there are day and evening meetings, depending on when you work:

New York City Al-Anon families of alcoholics New York

check here also:

New York City Al-Anon

Then when at the meeting check the literature table as many meetings have meeting schedules for the area.

Hope that helps.

Sweetie addiction is horrible, I know and after I got clean and sober you would have thought I was smart enough not to get manipulated by another right? NOT I married a "sober" alcoholic, who unbeknown to me had taken up GAMBLING to replace his alcohol addiction, just substituted one addiction for another, and I was manipulated and lied to and disappointed time and time again, until my AA sponsor STRONGLY insisted I start attending Alanon also.

Boy was that not only an 'eye opener' about me, but for me. The meetings and the folks really helped me a lot.

I am sure there are some meetings by your work or by your home, when you are leaving one or the other. Not knowing what hours you work..........................even Alanon has 'lunch' meetings and evening meetings, and I believe there are several 'breakfast meetings' as I recall for both Alanon and AA.

So I hope the above pages help you find some meetings that can ease some of your stress.

Love and hugs,

Thank you, but I work 9-7 and get home about 8... most meetings at night start at 6, and the ones that start later, I have no way of getting to.

Just sending some hugs. Hope things work out and you start to feel a bit better. Hugs, Marle

Oh don't even get me started on my codie issues with my two cats! I enable them too!!!! I'm the one that buys them the catnip!!! I buy them a bag and they loose it!... (need a little humor eh?)

Littlebird, I am so sorry for your pain but grateful that this whole episode didn't have an even more tragic ending.

Keep looking after you and don't look back, there is nothing you can do to help him but there are a million things you can do to help yourself.

Start with finding a meeting on your day off and just go. Alanon, Naranon or CoDA are very similar and all great programs. Personally, I'd stay away from NA meetings unless you want to find yourself getting friendly with yet someone else who struggles with addiction. Codies are magnets for trouble, believe me, so stick to your own path and you'll be okay.

Hugs

A part of me thinks that because I did my share of substance feels that I belong in an NA meeting... and yet I was able to just quit. I went through HORRIBLE withdrawals, but I had addict friends tell me the withdrawals would go away, so I waited them out. It is so strange how I have the strength to walk away from that, and yet not this... Tell me that is not weird, because it really blows my mind how this addiction comes in many forms.

He is in jail now, and you know what that means? He is not using! My higher power is giving me EVERY chance to work on me and I really don't want to loose this opportunity.