any advice is appreciated
 

I am new to this site. I am here because I seek some answers and advice.

I started dating a woman almost 4 months ago.

Early this month she disappeared for almost a week. She left a very strange voice mail, didn’t make sense. When I did see her she told me she had been doing Heroin, she claims only time she has used it and she did it for a week. She is going through a drug program because she had been caught with Heroin in her purse about 4 months earlier. She claims it was not hers.
She tells me that she needs time to heal from this and does not have any desire to do Heroin again. It’s been almost two weeks since she claims she last used. One night we were out and she seemed very upbeat. She went to the bathroom and looked a bit down. Again she went to the bathroom an hour or so later and said she was throwing up.

Will people who used Heroin still be throwing up two weeks after use. I thought it was only a few hours to a day after use that you would throw up. I suspect she is still using, although she says she is being drug tested. She sleeps all day, don’t know what she does at night. I have not been seeing her too often since.

She has been acting very different then when I first met her. She says she stays away because she does not want me to see her when she is cranky.

Should I just walk away from her. Will the drug problem continue? I suspect she has been using for years, but don’t know. She is very thin.

I have very strong feeling for this woman and would rather not lose her. I am worried about our future. Is it realistic to believe it could be healthy, she is very attractive yet she is very insecure.
Please help

Hi neighbor!
I am in SD too.
I really have no advice on the heroin deal cause I have never done it BUT it does not look like, a relationship that is going to bring you much more than tons of drama. I would walk away now before the relationship goes any further. I mean, do you really want to date a girl that sleeps all day and stays away from you because she is "cranky"?
This is only my opinion though....
Welcome to SR!!!

dragonflytoo,
Welcome to Sober Recovery, glad you found us.

To me, it sounds like your GF has a distinct drug addiction. I think it's highly unprobable that she has stopped using.

IMHO, I would say if you do not have alot invested in this relationship, leave it now.
If that is not your choice, at least give yourself some space away from her, to see how it pans out, without being involved.

Hugs to you..
prayers too.

Hi dragonflytoo, I think you maybe have a 'gut feeling' if only from the number of times you say 'she claims'

I'm no heroin expert, but I'd say go with the gut feeling, it's usually right.

Hi and welcome. Sorry you found yourself here but at least you can talk to people who have been where you are at right now.

Listen to your brain. Trust your gut. What is the WISEST thing for you to do based on everything you just posted here!

Your girl is an unhealthy mess. What are your strong feelings for her based on? Do you think you can help her? Cuz it doesn't sound like she is bringing much to the relationship.... sleeps all day... cranky... been using heroin for years... in trouble with the law...

If she is lying to you (and that's what addicts do - they lie) you are headed for a world of hurt and nothing is worth the pain and turmoil an addict can cause in your life. Nothing. Especially after only 4 months.

You can't save her. You can't cure her. You can't help her. You can wish her well. And back away.

Take a wait and see on this. More shall be revealed.

I would bet that she is still using. My daughter is a heroin addict and the only time that she was decent to be around was when she was high. She also would sleep the day away and stay up all night. She told me she did this because she did not want to sleep and lose out on the pleasure of her high. Withdrawals are pretty severe and usually last about a week or so. It is also very hard to just quit cold turkey and stay away from the drug. Her being upbeat is probably because she is high. Same with the trips to the bathroom. Most addicts in withdrawal do not leave their houses to go out to eat. One thing to look at is the pupils. They will be pinpoint when high. Another giveaway is the nod. When they sit down they nod out. Since you only have been with her for a few months, now is a good time to seriously rethink the relationship. If you stay, it will get worse because addiction is progressive and our addiction to our addict is the same way. Knowing what I know about my daughter's addiction, if some man asked me if she was a good catch, I would tell him to run for the hills. And my daughter is clean today. Hugs and welcome, Marle

My brother did everything that you just posted. Also, heroin breaks down into codiene after a short period of time. If she has a script for any pain killer she can easily pass a drug test. Google it.

Thank you for your input. I surprised how quickly people have responded.
I will be hanging tough for a while longer, I do really care for this person. She has many great qualities. She is very sweet. She does say she is not using.
From what you people tell me I should not believer her, yet my nature is to believe people. And no I don't want to by some beach front property in Montana.

I'll wait about two more weeks. That would be the one month period from when she claims she stopped using. I use the word "claim" because it's what she says without any proof or without me seeing it for my own eyes.

The question, can a Heroin user still be vomiting two weeks after Not using?

Thanks

As A wife of an addict, I just have one piece of advice from you. Don't walk away from her, run away from her, and run as fast as you can.

Will the drug problem continue? Until this girl gets help, yes unfortunatly the drug problem will continue and unfortunatly you have only seen the tip of the ice burg. Do not take her word for it when she tells you that this is the only time she has used. From what you posted she has been using for awhile. Part of the addiction is the lies that addicts will tell and boy will they tell some lies. They think they have everyone fooled but the truth is the only person they have fooled is themselves.

It's hard to make a choice when you have feelings and emotions involved but instead of thinking about your future as a couple, you need to think about YOUR future as an individual. Life with an addict is chaotic and a long painful road in hell. Just read the first page of this forum to get a glimps of what you are in for. You need to ask yourself, do you want to worry about this person every minute of every day? Do You want to resort to snooping through her things just to validate whether she is lying to you about using or not? Do you want to hear lie afer lie after lie, when you confront her about using? Do you want to wait on pins and needles for days while she disapears on a binge? I could go on and on but you get the idea.

A relationship with an addict is far from healthy. All addicts are insecure because they use their DOC to mask their feelings and to avoid reality.

If you really truly have strong feelings for this person, step aside and give your self some space between the two of you. Let her prove to you that she is getting help. And what I mean by getting help is staying in a treatment program like NA or rehab and working the program and staying clean for at least a year.

I know my post sounds harsh and i hope you don't take it the wrong way but you truly want to think about all sides of the equations before you get involved with an addict. If you think about it four months is not a long time invested in a relationship. Not when you think about the years you could spend with this person in addiction hell.

If you dance with a vampire, prepare to be bitten.

This sounds like polysubstance abuse that includes heroin and probably some crack/cocaine thrown in, too.

If you do choose to stick around, watch your wallet, all keys, appliances, jewelry, check book, credit cards and be aware that she may be hiding her stuff in your car.

You are right to be concerned and wonder if there is a future.