baxter

but why is it that most woman, and I am including myself, since I've had two AH's, think that the man they have in their lives is the only true love they'll ever have. I mean, they're addicts, they've cheated, verbally abused, some physically abused, cheated and lord knows what else and then we turn around and say we "love" them so much. Is it some fairytale we grow up with? We'll only have one true love? Bull crap? Why don't we have the make up that most, and I don't mean every, male has?

Is our self-esteem, self-worth, that low that we think we need to take that from a man and not feel embarassed that we allow them to treat us like that?
Is that love? We sit and cry night after night, fall into this depression, all for someone who could care less. I feel stupid sometimes that I let myself fall for it and wasted so many years of my life living without a spine.

If any woman did to any man what we put up with from them, they would be out the door. I'm saying most men. They're favorite saying of "there's plenty of fish in the sea" and the like.

There, now I've vented and didn't want to offend anyone, but I've just wondered where over half my life went that I didn't get to live and enjoy.
Sorry.

Stubborn1

This is going to sound conceded but I am cute and I by no means thought my ah was the love of my life. I just wanted to make the marriage work because I had children with him. Since he put me through hell I found it my mission per se to make his life a living hell. I was going to do whatever it took to get him to see what he has in front of him. I could have easily picked up another guy but noooooooooooooo. I had to have control. lmbo about it now.
Boy how the tables have turned. Now I am the one getting out and he's the one that looks old and beaten by alcoholism and now he sees what he had and wants it in a bad way. I'm no longer there.
My "revenge" came by being happy and free and letting go. I had to let go of that hatred for him. I had to let go of control.
Why do we do it? Who knows. Mine was a control thing. I was going to fight to have a family. What a waste of time. I didn't realize that me and my children were already a family.......without him. Duh.

LowBottom

Let me know when you find out girl!

I just say my picker's broke. If I "dig" him, he is sick - this I know without a doubt.

Trofnelo

No need to be sorry, I was just running thru the same thought process myself tonite. Thanks for sharing, it helps to know that I'm not the only one with those feelings.

Impurrfect

I spent a couple of decades with men who's first love was either alcohol or crack. I've been down the same road you are...why did I do that!?!?!

Put me in room with 99 "good" guys, and one "bad" one...I'll be attracted to the bad one. I'm constantly working on ME, and realizing that I deserve to be treated with respect, and taking a break from men until it all sinks in my head.

I'm hoping I've hit my bottom on bad relationships with A's.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

GoldenSilence

It's an addiction, like the rest of this stuff. Oh trust me on this one, it really is an addiction. Been there many times.

mooselips

I'm not in the same swim as you gals, but...


I had a gal I worked with...she was about 30-ish, kept dating guy after guy, (and some were HOT...) and I kept saying to her, Well..he looks nice, and she kept saying NOPE, it's not him...well this went on for quite a few years...I kept saying what the heck are you waiting for?


And...she showed me her LIST:

Intelligent
No drug history
No alcohol history
Sense of humor
Likes children
Likes animals

this went on for about 30 things she wanted in a man...

Well, me being the pessimist at the time, thought NO WAY....she's in la la land.

So...at the age of 36, she FOUND him!

She is now 44, happily married, and has a little boy and a girl.

She always teases that he didn't have the moustache...but what the heck.

Just a story...


I'll be married 39 years to Mr. Moose and I was just LUCKY, cause heaven knows I didn't have a list...

Although in those days, I don't think drug abuse was as big as it is now...

You're all beautiful, and you're all giving and kind, you deserve someone that aprreciates all that you are.

Chino

When I was 15 a friend of mine was secretly dating an older guy. She was beaten up a few times and eventually she broke up with him. He stalked her and didn't stop until he was eventually murdered in a drug deal gone bad. That made a serious impression on me.

Then there was my family. I never seriously dated anyone I didn't think wouldn't blend in with my family. I had to be able to picture them having a conversation with all the elders. I've told my RAD that too. She will date whomever she wants but the rest of the family will not accept them if they aren't good people. Life could get really lonely for her if she doesn't choose wisely.

marle

My daughter is an addict. Her ex-boyfriend is an addict and supplied all of her drugs which kept her in that relationship for over 2 years. She got clean. He said that he did. She started talking to him again. He started drinking and smoking pot. She told him goodbye. But she is still asking herself why he prefers substances over her. She, of all people, should understand the power of addiction, but she still feels less than because of it. He is 17 years older than she is and has no teeth due to his addiction. Pretty much a loser. She is beautiful, 22, and has her whole life ahead of her. So I am thinking it has more to do with how she feels about herself than what he can give her. Hugs, Marle

BBD

Well~~all I can say is you have the other 1/2 of your life to live so do it wisely....(and this is said with giggles))..Smiles, Bonnie

kelsh

Hi Everyone,

I married my first husband when I was 20 & he was 23. He drank some but not a lot...that is how I started drinking. MY alcoholic grandma lived with us when I was a child so I knew I didn't want to be like her.

My husband and I had some catastrophic events...he was hurt in a logging accident & had his leg amputated. We had been married three years. Then six years later I had twins & the twin girl died from SIDS...so both of us did increase the amount of alcohol we drank.

He was finishing up his last year of college (the state paid for it) & was almost ready to start interviewing for jobs when this happened.

He got a job as a Social Worker in a very rural area where he would have good fishing & hunting....I got worse & worse depressed & relied on alcohol rather than medications to help my depressions.

He drank but could take it or leave it...I couldn't leave it....I couldn't resolve my feelings about my baby even though I had two step sons & a six year old daughter along with my twin son. :ghug2

The alcohol tx center I finally went to convinced me I needed to leave my husband and go on my own so I wouldn't drink anymore....they dare not say that now to a woman down & out that can't make decisions for herself much less anything else.

I did marry again...this time to a man that liked to drink as much as I did...yes I did start drinking again after a year of sobriety. This marriage ended in divorce for a much different reason....too long to get into now. I moved back to the rural area where I sobered up the first time.

It took four years of drinking every evening after work before I asked for help.
I was detoxed in a hospital setting, given counseling for my depression by one counselor and alcoholism by another counselor. I went to AA...worked & concentrated on my getting well for the first year.

The second year of sobriety I went back to college & got my BA Degree in psychology & went to work for the county mental health program that helped me. I worked there until I retired.

I am still sober...20 years.... have been married to my first husband 7 years & still get help for my depression...which is an every day process.

My husband quit drinking also before he asked me to marry him again. This was a long road with many twists & turns...heartbreaks & love...but we have made it. :day4

kelsh