ksolle01

Hi, I'm new here. I found this site while looking for some information on Oxycotin and its effects on a person who is abusing it (specifically snorting) and after reading some of the threads I felt some immediate relief and knew I had to join.

I believe my boyfriend is abusing drugs. Let me start by saying, I know he currently partakes in drug dealing aside from his legitimate full time job as an auditor at a Big5 accounting firm. I guess I should just list some of the facts and some of the feelings I'm having that have lead me to believe he is mixing business with pleasure.
I know that he deals weed and prescription drugs. I know he is in possession of methodone, which he also says he sells. I know the drugs are available to him and I am expected to trust that he doesn't use or abuse any of them more than the occasional recreational use.

Some of his behavior has led me to believe that he has an addiction that he is fulfilling daily. On several occasions I have seen small, quarter sized wax paper bags-- with playing cards and the words "Black Jack" written on the side--containing an off-white/ yellowish powder in his wallet and on his person during times when he is not intending to meet up with any of his "customers". I have heard him in the bathroom ripping paper and snorting-- and after hearing this several times I asked him about it, he got really angry and said he was just using the bathroom and accused me of being a snoop.
I didn't just ask him because of what I heard and saw, but also the way he has been acting. Many times he appears to be falling asleep in the middle of doing something else... he starts to itch his head and slowly his body begins to drop. When I ask him if he's tired or "wake him up" from one of these incidents he denies being tired and says he doesn't know what I'm talking about.

He tells me sometimes about problems within his drug dealings... losing money, losing drugs, etc, but he usually tries to keep me out of it, saying that he doesn't want me involved for my own sake. I understand and respect this, I know what he does and I started dating him having an idea of what was going on.

When I asked him about the bags that I saw, he got angry and said that I shouldn't ask about that stuff b/c he doesn't want me involved. When I have asked him about other parts of his dealings, he hasn't had a problem with it, so I wonder why he gets so agitated when I bring up this specific item. He had 2 of these bags in his pocket as the two of us were spending the night together... he went to shower and I was standing in the bathroom talking to him. The bags fell out of his mesh shorts and I took them. When he realized that they were gone, he frantically searched everywhere he had been in the apartment looking for them... but he told me he was just cleaning up. He did not ask if I had seen them and denied anything was wrong when his mood turned completely. In addition to these problems, he doesn't sleep very often and although he eats, it often seems out of necessity and not because he is actually hungry.

I was just wondering if anyone could shed some advice here... about any of it... especially if you recognize the behaviors and/or drugs and paraphernalia.

I just need to get rid of this feeling looming over me, the feeling that he is lying and abusing drugs. I really need help and/or advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation, either in my position or that similar to my boyfriend. How can I find out the truth if he won't tell me?

Thank you...

hello-kitty

Hi and welcome to the site. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

These are all signs of using. What's not to know honey? But even so, he's NEVER NEVER going to admit it to you. And what, per chance, if he does admit it to you? What are you going to do then? Try to help him to quit? Unfortunately it just doesn't work that way. Read the posts here and you will learn all about what happens to women who try to help their addicts recover. It just can't be done. They get sucked in to the addiction and eventually they become sicker than the addict. They spend all their energy trying to save someone when they should be trying to save themselves.

Ask yourself what are you getting out of this relationship? Do you really want to be with a dopey dope dealer for the rest of your life? What if he gets busted? Don't think he won't. He may be maintaining right now but it won't last forever. Eventually, addicts loose everything and they take their loved ones with them. Come on girl.

I don't even know you, but I can tell you, you can do better than this! You really really can!

hello-kitty

BTW, I used to date a drug dealer and an addict. And they lie. That's how I know. I have been in your shoes. So everything I say is from my experience. Dating a drug dealer is about the stupidist thing I ever did in my life. Next to getting hooked on his dope of course.

marle

My daughter is currently clean but when she was using her DOC was opiates with oxy being her favorite. Sounds like he is using to me especially with the card and the snorting, the nodding and itching. All signs of opiate use. I know that I lived in denial for a long time with my daughter. Not anymore. If you are asking the questions, I believe that you already know the answers. Welcome to SR and keep reading. It will help you a lot. Hugs, Marle

Abundance

Sounds much like my guy in active addiction on opiates. I was where you were last year....... second guessing it.... making myself crazy trying to figure out the truth.

Fulfilling the "ah ha".... "I was right..... I'm NOT crazy"....... is like having another job. Literally. If I could get paid for being a snoop or doing the FBI work...... I'd have so much money! Sadly - I have no money because so much energy has been put on trying to prove to myself and him that I'm NOT the crazy one. The only thing that is crazy is that I am capable of putting so much energy into trying to put all the pieces together.

I'm glad you have found SR. I used to think that my situation with my ABF was unique.... but come to find out...... there is actually a rule book that addict's follow. The lies.. the hiding of drugs... the stories... the "QUACKING"....... and bottom line........ when all of that starts to happen and the addict's life becomes unmanageable...... it means that they have gotten a hold of something that in turn got a hold of them! They become a slave to it. It took my guy several months of abusing w/out realizing just how much the drug had gotten a hold of him! THEN - consequences start happening. People start to not believe all the lies... he started to lose face with people who he cared about and visa versa. In the end.... drug addiction does not get better on it's own. The addict has to get to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. We (s/o's, family, friends) - have no control over what THEY do... we can't cure it..... and we don't cause it. Same goes with recovery. We have to just get out of their way. Let them fall. IMO - I think that part of the addiction is thrill seeking behavior. Basically getting away with something. Like that "phew...... got away with that one."........... What happens if they feel like they aren't "getting away with it". How can that happen? Well...... what I"m thinking is this. QUIT ASKING ....... QUIT SNOOPING....... and if the signs are there...... WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? For example....... if he is using opiates..... he doesn't come home. It took me a long time to get to that point. And man I'm going to be super angry if / when he goes back to it. (it's been 30 days) - but there are consequences that I have put in place - not just for him - but to save my soul. I have surrendered to OXY/Opiates...... my white flag is waved. I want NO part in it. It only leads to death, streets or institutions. REALLY - it DOES!

Keep coming back here.... educate yourself - TAKE CARE OF YOU - MOST OF ALL!

(((((hugs))))))

littlebird77

If I had to bet everything I had, I would say he is tapping in to the supply... the nodding off is a sure sign, his eyes will be like pins, he will itch, and at night while he sleeps he will sweat a lot... ok now what I am still learning with all of this is to not go so much in to what he is doing, it is what YOU are doing... You do know that if the police ever find out what he is doing and you are with him, you are an accessory. Do you think the police will believe you that you are not involved.... If you are in the car, home, anyplace with him and he is holding, you are going in... He may step up and say you have nothing to do with this, but you will still have to sit in a cell. and I have yet to see an addict step up.. Take a step back and look at this... Stay, and continue to visit... you will read what we go through, and we will support you.

Abundance

Littlebird is absolutely correct about that.

My nephew and his girlfriend got popped with 7 felonies EACH ........ because she was living with him (even though her primary residence was out of state)..... she was (sort of "staying there")....... anyway...... he dealt ecstasy and coke to an undercover unbeknownst to him for 6 months (he also was growing/dealing MJ and had guns in the house).

So - it does happen. And this sweet young girl ....... now is considered a felon.

Hangin' In

I think you already know the truth, you just don't want to admit it. And you are me...about 6 years ago. I knew, too, but I just didn't want to believe it or admit it because then I would have to do something about it. I'd have to set some boundaries, if I could muster up the courage, and then if I did, things might not turn out like I wanted.

I had to get into a support group, Al Anon, in order to learn what I needed to do to make my life better. I was dealing with addiction and I didn't have a clue as how to handle it. I was taught so many good things, so much so that I still go today and I hope I never have to stop attending my meetings.

If you can, please find an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting in your area. You can attend the meetings and read on this board. Both have been so much help to me in learning what I should and shouldn't do regarding my loved one's addiction.

Hope to see you around some more.

Hugs,
Hangin' In
P.S. You do realize you are dating a drug dealer, a real-life, drug dealer? Maybe you should think long and hard and ask yourself if this is what you want in a boyfriend/partner, not to mention the danger you are putting yourself in.

ksolle01

Thank you all so much for your help. Tonight after posting and reading the replies I had the courage and confidence to confront him without doubt in my head or heart. He admitted it, but did not say much else. I spoke to a friend who just got over his addiction, he offered a lot of help and even offered to talk to my boyfriend.

I realize how stupid it is to be dating a drug dealer...even more so now that I have been lied to countless times.

I feel somewhat relieved that it is now out in the open and I will be taking steps forward putting myself first. I do love him and I do not want to lose what I have with the sober him. I know I cannot change him, but I want to be there for him.

Now that the circumstances have changed I have a whole new hurdle to jump over, weather it be alone or with him. I will be posting and reading. Thank you all for your continued help and support.

A million thanks,

me

Abundance

Hope to see you around here. Hang in there!

Good that you were able to talk with him and that you are aware. I think being aware is the first step in all of this.....talking about it and letting it out. I find that talking to people who are in recovery gives me a very good idea about what to expect too!

BIG ((((((HUGS))))))))))

xoxoxo

clash90

not trying to scare you hun, but as a former heroin addict, these are all clear signs of heroin use. The little wax bag/envelopes are used to package heroin, the name "blackjack" written on it is a sort of brand name. the itching, nodding out etc, are all clear signs of opiate use. He is snorting now, which is how i started, but i can tell you that if you do not nip this in the bud, he may start getting into needles as i did, and thats when the real trouble starts. Addiction can progress fast, so please do not waste time, for his sake and yours. good luck, god bless

-aaron

hope213

welcome to S.R. sounds as if he is using to me. it is nothing you can do to make him stop. take care of you & keepthe focus on you. he will use until he is ready to stop. stay with us, read around. let us know how u are.prayers,

hello-kitty

Be prepared for what you are getting into by reading all the posts on this site. You are in love with a drug addict and he is in love with drugs. You will never come first and you cannot make him or help him quit. Addicts don't quit using drugs because people love them. They quit using drugs because they decide to quit using drugs. You can't help him or support him or be there enough for him to get him to that point. He must get to that point on his own.

Hangin' In

I agree with Hello-kitty. There is nothing you can do to get him to fix HIS problem. Only he can do that.

But you can work on making your life better. I did that by adding face to face meetings to my life as well as reading on this board and listening to the folks who had something I wanted. Face to face meetings gave me people, with phone numbers who I could call; people who understood my situation and could help me learn how to get into recovery myself. You see, I was addicted to the addict and I had to learn how to stop my crazy behavior.

I couldn't save my loved one, but I could save myself.

I hope to see you around some more.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

MrsMagoo

I was thinking herion too! It is not uncommon to start with the pain killers and graduate to herion. He may be snorting it now, or smoking it. He'll be mainlining before long. RUN AWAY!!! He can't just quit using dope. If he's not taking pain killers or using dope - you will know it cause he'll probably be soooo sick!!

outtolunch

Count me as another who believes Black Jack is a tag name for a particular cut of heroin. Many who start on OXy graduate to heroin and then to IVing it. It's about the economies of scale and getting the best bang for the buck.
Nodding off and itching are common attributes of heroin use.

There is more than enough evidence here to convince even the most casual observer that he has a problem.

There are only two possible consequences of heroin addiction, prison and/or death. And there is not a darn thing you can do about it.

Leave. If you choose not to ( and it's your choice) double up on birth control. Bringing a baby into this is not going to change him.

mooselips

((ksolle01)))
I'm glad you found us, and welcome to Sober Recovery.
You may not always like the answers/advice/support some of us give you, but please remember, we are trying to help you through your front row seat to chaos.


You can be there to support your BF, but just being there will not change his drug habit. This is something he needs to do all by himself.

In the meantime, this is when you get to attend Alanon, or Naranon in your area, and work on YOU.

My oldest son is a drug addict, and everytime he brings a new GF around, I want to corner the gal and tell her to leave him. (I don't cause it's none of my business)

But I often wonder what such pretty, intelligent, girls want with a known addict. (although he has a GREAT personality.)..(come on..he's my son..LOL)

But other than that, no goals for anyone to look forward to, except, jail, rehab, or death.

Good luck, and prayers..
please keep posting...