Need advice about the 12 steps
 

Hello all. I would like some advice about the steps. I have been to alanon (no Naranon in this town) but I dont have a home group.
Do those of you who work the program struggle with any of it? I have read Cats sticky on this,
and I think i need to go back and start everything over again.
The program really works for me, but i think ive relapsed.
Thanks, Stef

I went to lots of meetings in the beginning (daily for me - but I was absolutely nuts) and picked the one for a home group where I felt like I fit in, where I wanted what they had and what was geographically convenient. And made a commitment to myself to go each time it met.

I got a sponsor immediately by asking in a meeting for someone as a temporary sponsor. You aren't married to them and can change, but I liked the idea of temporary (she was my sponsor for some years until I moved) - but it was important for me to have someone in the very beginning that I could call daily and that really got to know my situation. Details aren't always a good thing in meetings - and we have to protect the anonymity of the addict in our life.

My sponsor taught me the program - and took me through the 12 steps.

Think of her as a guide - just like if you joined a new organization, you would read the handbook and ask questions.

You deserve a sponsor to help you - recovery is like a life raft going down the rapids - if you stay in the middle, you will make it - if you are on the edges, you may fall in and drown.

Love in recovery,

Jody Hepler

:Val004:

Just my e, s, & h

sometimes I work all 12 steps in one day - some days I barely get past step 1 -

Progress not Perfection is my lifetime motto

As long as I'm still here I'm doing better than I was before I started and so are you my friend,

Rita

The 12 steps are like a blueprint.
It helps greatly if you have someone to discuss the program, the principles, the steps, the struggles with. Whether it is a sponsor or a friend that you make through al-anon that
is on a similar journey and you have regular contact with.
I have a friend that I made through alanon...we call ea. other step-sisters.
We check in every week to talk about things...with al-anon principles as our guide.

I start the steps over ea. year. Oh yea there is struggle. But I have learned progress not perfection is the best way to go.

I use the 12 steps everyday. They help get through each day. I also have a sponsor and she helps me so much. I know if I need anything she is there for support.
Go to as many meetings as you have to and find the group you feel like you fit in the best.

Do I struggle with the program!! YES!! Because the program is about me, and I thought I knew me, then found out I didn't. Worse than that - I found out I really wasn't very clear about WHO I want to be and what that should look like, and how to get there.

Alanon has helped me understand that many of us in the program are:

Controlling
Anal
Perfectionists
Judgmental
Whiny
Martyrs

And I am, or have been... all of the above.

By using those character defects, I focused a TON of energy on the rest of the world, and (not even consciously) took the focus off me. Alanon is uncomfortable because I am not only turning the focus back on me, I am turning a dadgummed SPOTLIGHT on me.

But in the long run, I have become a happier, calmer, saner person.

It took me a while to find a sponsor in the program, but I was finally motivated to do so when I was complaining that my addict kids - didn't have a sponsor, didn't got to meetings several times a week, didn't read the literature and weren't working the steps. Someone (who eventually became my sponsor) asked me if *I* was doing those things.... Chagrined, I said "no". And being a bit of a perfectionist - I got right on it!

Today, I also know that in addition to be controlling, I can be attuned... in addition to being anal, I can be thorough... in addition to being a perfectionist, I can be very good, and in addition to being judgmental, I can know right from wrong. These character defects have two faces. And today, I can accept that.

So there are fewer days that I am whiny. And I know longer need to martyr myself in order to gain your love and attention.

What helped me MOST with this was working the TRADITIONS. Because the 12 steps are all about US, but the 12 TRADITIONS are all about how to deal with YOU... and I am, at heart, a codependent.

You might check to see if anyone is doing a study group - these things go faster in groups like that, and you can build incredible relationships with the other folks.


I wish you the best.