This is driving me nuts!
 

I am still trying to hang in there with the ' No Contact ' , its been almost 2 months now. I know I am right about the 'no contact' and apparently so is he because I havent heard a peep from him either. I just know that from my past experiences with his addictions that he isn't done with them and I don't know if or when he will be. I just know that he will no longer manipulate and use me again. I also know that his time to 'use' is coming up again very soon, I know this because every year we have been together he uses at a certain time of the year ( for what reasons I do not know) . This is the reason I refuse to contact him because he will try and use me to save him once again and I will be dragged down with him again.

I don't want to be part of any more drama, I've had enough! What bothers me is the hurt I still feel everyday. I am in counseling every week and I'm not sure its helping. I still cry almost everyday and I still hurt real bad. He is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night. How long does it take for all this to go away?
I thought it would get better with no contact but with no contact I am not getting better either. I'm not sure which is worse? :c004:

Some days I almost cave in but when I think about whats coming then that stops me. Its just so crazy.


I've been reading all the latest posts to help me and I feel for every ones pain.
:praying

That is your disease talking. Don't let it win. Two months may not be enough time for you to grieve the loss of the relationship. I know that when I was younger and broke up with a long time boyfriend it took me close to a year before I was able to not think about him all the time. It is no different because he is an addict. It is still the loss of a relationship. Give yourself the gift of more time. Prayers that your obsession eases. Hugs, Marle

Just as a drug addict can "quit" for a while, when they aren't working a program and attending meetings and concentrating on themselves, they usually go back to their drug.

Your situation isn't a whole lot different, you are withdrawing from your own DOC, him. If you can find things to do that take up so much of your time and your thoughts, then there will not be room in your mind to dwell on him, what he may or may not be doing. Everything will be concentrated on you. Then one day you will realize, out of the blue, wow, I haven't even thought about him for a while.

Sending Hugs and Prayers
B

2 months!!! THAT IS GREAT! KEEP IT UP!!!

2 months IS great!!!

Give yourself time to grieve. You're doing the right thing, and, as bad as it feels now, it will get better.

Try to find things that make you happy...doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant, just something that brings a smile to your face.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

i feel your pain. i am sorry u are still going thur this. you have to feel your feelings & walk thur this to get over it. have you tried any face to face meetings? they could help you. you could also get a sponsor. keep coming back here & read. keep the focus on you. try finding a hobby, meet new people, just do the thing that you like to do. you deserve good things in your life. i am saying a prayer for you,let me know how u are.

Hang on keep taking it one day at a time your doing good.

You go girl! This is like detox for you. And two months is forever. I'm so proud of you - give yourself a hug.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

:a122:

thank you everyone. I really needed to hear those words. I just hate the way I am feeling.

I have a question for you all. I went to a couple Al-Anon meetings ( at the same place) and I wasn't impressed or helped. I went in feeling so god awful and wanting to talk and ask questions and at this meeting I never got the chance to speak! both times. I never went back because I didn't find the help I was looking for. Not a good experience for me. So, Is this the way those meetings operate?

I was told to try other ones and I also heard this and that about the other ones like.... You aren't allowed to cross speak etc... Why are these meetings so strict? Where's the help in all this?

You are doing much better than you are giving yourself credit for. You are 2 months free of his drama. As long as you can rememeber what you went through 3 months ago you will succeed for one more day free. I hope you can find that you are not deserving of the crap he puts on you. I wish you the best.