katiedid79

Hi, Well things have not gotten any better in my neck of the woods. I have figured out what plan B is for the moment.
I'm afraid that my abf his bottom is death. He has lost so much weight his eyes are sunken in. For a 35 year old he looks so much older. He wants to get on subs, but doesn't have the money or insurance. He will not go to a rehab center nor does he have the money. I'm afraid that he may have done permanent brain damage , he is addicted to my knowledge to opiates, pain pills. Not sure if he is doing anything else.
He has gotten better hear lately about giving me money for the bills. I'm still really angry with him and cant seem to get past that anger. What do you do if you think that a persons bottom is death. I just cant seem to make sense of just sitting around and letting/watching a person I love do this to them selves. I no I cant control it.
Am I prolonging the problem or enabling in some way by staying , staying a relationship that is doomed if he doesn't get off of drugs?

hello-kitty

Hi Katie. My answer would be yes. But that's just me. You've got to do what you've got to do.

In the mean time it would be a good idea to focus on yourself and the reasons you want to stay in a doomed relationship. Worry more about yourself then him. Have a plan for what you are going to do if he DOES bottom out and die. Nothing you do can save him or stop him from using drugs, so does that mean you just going to die with him? Or are you going to fight for your survival and your happiness? It's up to you!

Just because he might have a really really low bottom, doesn't mean you have to.

marle

Katie, Suboxone saved my daughter's life. That and the willingness to go to rehab, a halfway house and work a program. She is a heroin addict. There is a program through the makers of Suboxone where doctors can get free Suboxone for two patients. If your abf is serious about changing his life, he could call around and see if any of the doctors in your area have that available and he can always go to NA or AA. That is free. Let him go and take care of you if he is not willing to make the changes he needs to live. Hugs, Marle

katiedid79

I think it is all just a stall tactic on his part. A manuplitation to continue to use. He says these things but never follows threw. Owell ........ Cant help everyone I guess. My plan B is to wait until the house is paid off , If I can stand it that long and to get my half out of it . I guess thats all I can do at this piont unless things get worse.

hello-kitty

How long is that going to take? (I'm thinking of my own mortgage here... 30 years later... I'd be nearly dead or in retirement home by then.)

Jody Hepler

Early on in my Alanon recovery because of ASs I was taught:

I'm either part of the problem, or part of the solution. And my enabling was a HUGE part of the problem.

I learned to do things differently - to stop getting in the way of their recovery - to act like I wasn't focused on them (I still really was) and to go on with my life - and amazingly, they got better! When I got into recovery, their old stuff just didn't work with me anymore.

Was it hard - yes, but it literally saved my life.

I'm glad I learned that I can be ok whether or not the addicts in my life ever find recovery - because one didn't for 20 years - and I would have been dead from my addiction to him or in the looney bin!

Keep coming back,
Jody Hepler

katiedid79

Ive got a couple of years left. Im buying from the home owner.

hello-kitty

Hugs Katie. That still sounds like a lot of time. You have a LOT more patience than I do. I think that when the pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving, things will become a lot clearer for you.