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No Word From My Son

Old 09-16-2008, 05:46 AM
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rozied
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No Word From My Son

I haven't heard a word from my son since his last letter asking for sneaker money. I called the jail Friday morning & he was still there. Don't know what happened with the lawyer my ex was supposed to hire to go see him.
My ex called me about 3 wks ago & asked me to call him back which I never did. I really have nothing to say to him.
As far as my son goes I will send him a Birthday card with a few bucks for the commissary by Sept 30th. My ex told my mom he sent him $50 for sneakers.
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Old 09-16-2008, 07:02 AM
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Hi Rozied, well it sounds like he has a new source now, the ex. At least it isn't you.

My son is out of jail now. I have a 3 yr order of protection against him. His girlfriend picked up his clothes last week. She called yesterday asking for his radio, t.v., and scooter, etc....I heard him in the background. I asked her not to call me where I could hear his voice. She said ok.

I felt some guilt at first because he may take this as rejection and he may feel rejected by me now. I stood by him through thick and thin, while his father rejected him from birth basically. He did pay child support though. He was the best dressed poor child because all his support went to him and his needs. His support has now stopped, so I hope he has a job when he needs new shoes.

Love and huggs Rozied, I know it's not easy some days.

NH7
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Old 09-16-2008, 07:20 AM
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You are both in my prayers, it is awful to have to detach from who we love more than life, our own children.
susan
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Old 09-16-2008, 07:40 AM
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Hugs and prayers to both of you.

Amy
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Old 09-16-2008, 08:37 AM
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rozied
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Thanks NH7, Susan, & Amy, It sure is hard detaching from someone you love especially when it is your child. Many yrs ago I had a hard time detaching from my ex, but I did it.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be facing the same thing with my son.
All I can do is pray that oneday he will see the light & come back to me.
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Old 09-16-2008, 09:37 AM
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(((Rozied)))

No matter what he does, or doesn't do, he still loves his mom. He isn't capable of showing it right now, thanks to addiction, but we A's, deep down, always love those who have loved us, even when we think we're unloveable.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 09-16-2008, 10:23 AM
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((((((((Rozied))))))))

Thinkin' of you and sendin' lots of love and support.
I've been there. Your doing well, it seems.
Went out to see Jay a couple of weeks ago. He was having
a yard sale with the community. I mostly watched and spoke
to his customers. He doesn't do "people" well, if ya know what I mean.
He was tickled to have made 30 bucks. And hey!, I didn't once ask him what he was gonna do with his money. lol
It was a good day for us both.
Keep focusing on yourself and your own needs.
I missed you, btw.
Love,
Linda
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Old 09-16-2008, 01:19 PM
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rozied
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Thanks Linda & Amy.
Linda I've missed you too. Why is this so hard. Everytime I get a letter I am afraid to open it yet when I don't hear from him I wonder whats going on.
Guess thats the way it is going to be until he comes around.
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Old 09-16-2008, 01:21 PM
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Maybe you could think of it as no news is good news. That was the way I thought about it when I did not see or hear from my daughter for long periods of time. I just imagined her learning life's lessons or held firmly in God's hands. It really helped. Hugs, Marle
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Old 09-16-2008, 01:43 PM
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I, too, pray that someday my AD will see the light but I guess I'm also preparing myself for it might never happen. It sure is rough going through all this, I used to tell my AD stay away until this happened or that happened and then when she did it would drive me crazy just wondering what was going on.

Hugs and prayers,
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Old 09-16-2008, 04:28 PM
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(((Rozied)))
Maybe think of it the way I do..."NO news is GOOD news!"
It's my motto!


It is hard trying to move forward and put these addict sons in the deep recesses of our minds, but I do ALOT better when I don't hear from him. When I hear from him, it's usually him wanting money, or some other drama.

Are you attending any meetings, Rozied? Cause they really do help ease your mind, and give you some sense of serenity.

Hugs...
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Old 09-16-2008, 05:09 PM
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I am beginning to think there are enough of us Mom's to start our own continent........We could make it a nice place!!!!!
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Old 09-16-2008, 05:35 PM
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Rozied,
I am glad he hit your ex up for the sneakers and not you too. And he still loves you just like impurrfect said so don't worry he doesn't. He just didn't get his way with you. Men, boys, sons they are all alike.....
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Old 09-16-2008, 07:37 PM
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Rozied, another abandoned mom here. Havent heard from my son in 3 weeks. He decided to move into his substance using dad's home where he can do anything he wants and not be annoyed...that's all I apparently did was annoy him with my concerns. I'm ok...what I don't know..doesnt hurt me. I refuse to call him...I've tried. I realize now it's nothing in particular I did...he just couldnt do what he wanted in my home. Hopefully someday he will realize how loved he was.
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Old 09-16-2008, 09:47 PM
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Originally Posted by puddinface View Post
Hopefully someday he will realize how loved he was.
and still is...I'm sure...

Hugs...
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Old 09-17-2008, 05:57 AM
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Oh there are so many of us mom's here it breaks my heart. I know he loves me & I know no news is good news but its hard not to wonder how he is & whats going on. As long as he is in jail I know he is pretty safe.
I just place him in God's loving arms everytime I think of him.
Prayers being said for all of your children too!
Love,
Diane
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Old 09-17-2008, 08:34 AM
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Rozied hugs and prayers to you.
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Old 09-17-2008, 08:42 AM
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I just place him in God's loving arms everytime I think of him.
Amen Rozied... thats all we can do.... and that's alot!!
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Old 09-17-2008, 09:14 AM
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I truly know your heartache - and wanting to hear, then not wanting to hear. The tears, the emotional pain - and then just having to pick up and go on with my life and go to work and cook dinner, etc. Normal things. The nights were the worst.

But somehow with incredible support from my Alanon friends who had walked this path, I was able to do it - and to really be able to turn Kevin over to God. There were many months and years where I really thought he would only find sobriety and peace after he died. And I had to get ok with that too - the ultimate of "letting go". If I could accept the worst thing I could think of, I really could let go.

And 20 years later he calls me on my recovery birthday and says "hey Mom, this is Kevin - isn't this a special day for you" and tells me he is clean and sober 10 days! I'll never forget it. Is 20 years too long to wait - I guess not!
And today he is the son that I always knew he could be - and he loves his Mama. And I cherish every day of the last year, because nothing is guaranteed.

So hang in - as long as there is breath there is hope!

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler



P.S. The Serenity Prayer got me through the really tough times (his birthday, holidays ...), saying it over and over again through my tears - focusing on "... accept the things I cannot change".
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Old 09-17-2008, 09:19 AM
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Rozied,

I found myself feeling that exact same way for the longest time.
I figured if I kept in contact with all his drama, then I wouldn't
get a big surprise when or if something terrible happened. I'd be
ready for it, kinda.
Do you know how many sleepless nights that will lead too, sweetness?
A heck of a lot. lol
So, by letting go and turning him over to HP, I was able to stop blowing everything up into something and really start focusing on myself. My needs.
My own darn drama, if you would. lol
It's hard. I still slip. I didn't talk to Jay for 2 days straight this week.
I thought about it for an instant. Then I let it go. I knew I'd hear from him
soon enough. When I did....he sounded find.
I think we, as codependents, read alot more into situations sometimes, than we actually need to. We look for things to fix.
Do something fun and interesting just for you right now. Don't think, just do.
You'll hear from him soon enough. Believe me, if he's anything like Jason....
there'll always be somethin'. lol

Sending you prayers of letting go, letting God.
Linda
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