question for a friend

Old 09-14-2008, 07:32 PM
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question for a friend

I have a friend whos S/O and father of her child is an active addict.
Recently she ending up asking him to leave the home because of the continued drug use.

So once out of the house due to continued drug would one best address contact with the child?

A. tell dad he can only have phone calls with the child until he seeks treatment and maintains recovery?

B. meet dad a the park for play time with the child?

or C any other recommendations or advice?

On one hand you dont want to punish the child but on the other how good for him is it to see dad for a few hours but dads not doing anything to get better, and dad actually says he used the night before and didnt have a penny left of his paycheck to help the mom with the childs expenses?????

thanks any imput would be great
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Old 09-14-2008, 07:43 PM
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Hi Lies, How old is the child? This is a tough on - of course the needs and safety of the child come first. I think so much depends on the relationship before between dad and child, the child's age, how deep in his addiction the person is, etc. I would assume since she asked him to leave it isn't an occassional issue. I suspect only your friend knows in her gut what is right. Is a supervised visit somewhere neutral an option and if so would that just confuse the child? Without knowing the detail my own gut says either supervised or nothing. If she is uncomfortable enough to make him leave, sounds like she would be uncomfortable trusting him with her child too.

From what I have seen here, it often seems that when active in addiction, all good intentions go out the window and too often that includes spending time with one's child.
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Old 09-14-2008, 08:05 PM
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her son is 6 I think and of course he loves his daddy
and she is meeting dad at the park so thats neutral

dads pretty deep in his addiction, and talks the talk gonna get help etc etc but again, didnt even have a dime to offer to help with his son but told the mom he used the night before

My opinion -- and what I suggested to her was tell dad he can call son so son knows dads thinking of him but that I think its just to easy for dad to keep doing what hes doing if theres no consenquences for still using ---- to me it seem like kicking him out, but not requiring help with support for the child, then taking the child to see dad despite the fact that hes doing nothing to get clean sends kinda a mixed message

basically I see it as dad gets the best of both worlds use drugs sat night play with your kid in the park on sunday....something doesnt seem right about that to me.

But I am biased so thats why I'm asking you guys!!!
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