Not his DOC.......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
There are some success stories.... and I'm not one of them - sometimes fairy tales don't have happy endings.
We can't judge ourselves on someone else's BAD behavior. Positive self talk is so important. You are what you say you are Abundance. You are a loving mom. A committed partner (who did everything for a man who oculdn't appreciate it because he is sick inside - NOTHING to do with you). You are a hard worker. A beautiful woman. It aint over til it's over. And I'm sure you've got a few good years left in you.
My favorite recovery saying has got to be "don't quit before the miracle". And I'm not talking about a relationship. I'm talking about myself. I can't give up on myself before the miracle. And I see beautiful miracles every day.
Cheer up sweetie! And stop being so hard on yourself. You will perservere!
learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Abs,
You ARE a success story...like everyone else said...he may not be successful but that's his choice! So far as your life, you did it! You made it out...and girl...to love an addict and LIVE to tell about it...that IS a success story!!!
You didn't lose yourself (literally or figuratively) in the throes of codependency. You didn't die loving someone else more than yourself.
(I've lost several family members within the past month that have sadly done that very thing)
So you, my beautiful woman, ARE a success! I'm so proud of you!!
You ARE a success story...like everyone else said...he may not be successful but that's his choice! So far as your life, you did it! You made it out...and girl...to love an addict and LIVE to tell about it...that IS a success story!!!
You didn't lose yourself (literally or figuratively) in the throes of codependency. You didn't die loving someone else more than yourself.
(I've lost several family members within the past month that have sadly done that very thing)
So you, my beautiful woman, ARE a success! I'm so proud of you!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Thanks you guys.....
I'm good.... what I mean by "success story" is him and I doing recovery together. Fulfilling the potential and being who I thought we were!
It is such a trip to me to re-read this ESH and it's so clear how SO NOT ready I was ready to hear it.
All the ESH is right on.
And this thread just shows how enmeshed I was in his addiction. In fact, I'm sure there are many threads like that.
The thing is that if I had known better and had let him go - back then - he would be that much closer to doing what he needed /needs to do. I couldn't save him - all I could/can do is save myself.
Addiction is evil... it had me doing things that I can't even imagine I was doing. ALL while maintaining being a mother. Protecting the boys from the insanity as much as possible. All the energy and chaos... the juggling of knowing right from wrong, but not actually doing anything about it.
the original link to the blue october song was removed ... here is an updated one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9nS_HpmHdc
I'm good.... what I mean by "success story" is him and I doing recovery together. Fulfilling the potential and being who I thought we were!
It is such a trip to me to re-read this ESH and it's so clear how SO NOT ready I was ready to hear it.
All the ESH is right on.
And this thread just shows how enmeshed I was in his addiction. In fact, I'm sure there are many threads like that.
The thing is that if I had known better and had let him go - back then - he would be that much closer to doing what he needed /needs to do. I couldn't save him - all I could/can do is save myself.
Addiction is evil... it had me doing things that I can't even imagine I was doing. ALL while maintaining being a mother. Protecting the boys from the insanity as much as possible. All the energy and chaos... the juggling of knowing right from wrong, but not actually doing anything about it.
the original link to the blue october song was removed ... here is an updated one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9nS_HpmHdc
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I read this thread when it was happening and found so much clarity and inspiration in it. Rereading it today brought even more gifts. Your moniker is perfect, Abundance, and thank you for sharing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Originally Posted by rose 
I am lost here...what is, n20 a zanax bar and what do they do with a whip cream canister.
Rose
Rose
N20= nitrous (laughing gas)
whip cream canister = the paraphernalia to use the N20.
xanax = separate issue
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
if I had known better and had let him go - back then - he would be that much closer to doing what he needed /needs to do
My mom always used to say that. It certainly rings true (even though most people probably don't know what a tinker is.) Another version:
"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
"If's" and "shoulds"...... two words that I'm working on not using! LOL
Remove from my vocabulary. Like grammar police- it's good to have "positive - self talk - police"!
*thanks for pointing that out H.K.~
Remove from my vocabulary. Like grammar police- it's good to have "positive - self talk - police"!
*thanks for pointing that out H.K.~
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: AZ
Posts: 30
I really can relate to you. in reading this I was certain i could have written it about my ex. Same stuff, same behavior and you wanting to understand that he has a problem. I really hope things get better for you.
:praying
:praying
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
Take a step back, breathe and reread your post...you are too involved. He is an adult, remove yourself from the room, situation etc. When he decides to do this, leave or have him leave. It should be a safe place and your home should not be a war zone. If he won't leave call someone over. You need to go to your brothers for a late visit etc. with the kids. I would not play nurse anymore...you are losing yourself...and sadly, you will become addicted yourself if you keep jumping on the bandwagon...you need an outlet and why not go visit your family...enough times and you will get tired of his behavior. You have to decide this is unnacceptable first, then you will take action to remove yourself from it. My mom smokes, my dad smokes....guess what I am trying to quit...so I dont sit with them when they smoke...still love 'em, but I ain't joining the "monkey line of back scratchers"...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Whereami....... this is a thread I bumped from about 9 months ago...... just a little reminder of "where i am" today vs. 9 months ago!
And to say my thanks for all the words that were written .... that even though I wasn't ready to comprehend them at the time - they made some impact on my subconscious.
All in good time my friends!!!!!!
And to say my thanks for all the words that were written .... that even though I wasn't ready to comprehend them at the time - they made some impact on my subconscious.
All in good time my friends!!!!!!
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Hey (((Abundance)))
I read your first post and am replying to that one I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if I say the same thing someone else said at least I can lay the splendra twist on my reply...
Ahem, Addicts with a boundary of not touching their stuff just really gets to me but, the thing is they are right about it. We need to stay out of their business no matter how bad they look or are acting. I have vowed to never touch their stuff again many times.
There have been a few occasions when their paraphernalia or substance has ended somehow in my space what do I do then? Throw it away or give it back to them? I give it back to them cause if I don't they will get more. I know it sounds insane to give it back but I have noticed a lot less huffing and puffing since I have started doing it. I have said keep you stuff out of my space and I run across it much less now because they are more careful. I have also put up a very strong boundary on my valuables and remind them that I am not throwing their stuff away so they need to stay out of my purse and jewelry box. I won't say they never take stuff from me but it is less now that we have this boundary. Even though I want very much to go in a rip that stuff out of their hands and space I know that the monster will not be banished that way.
And using with them is out of the question...I tried smoking pot with my H once to try and stop him from using his drug of choice needless to say it did not work. Using something other than their drug of choice seems like it is better but it is not. To me it seems like using something else is just as insane.
All I can do is keep myself as far away from their using as possible I can not allow it in my house and my space. What they do with their body and away from me is just way beyond my control. The only time it is not is when the addict is a minor child that I am responsible for.
I have a lot of of addicts around me sometimes I feel like I just want to go far away and never look back or try to contact them again. I wish I had stayed away from my family. I did live far away from them for 10 years and it was good. The drama is continuous. My mom is getting old and I want to help her in any way I can. I feel so bad for her because her guilt overwhelms her almost every day.
I read your first post and am replying to that one I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if I say the same thing someone else said at least I can lay the splendra twist on my reply...
Ahem, Addicts with a boundary of not touching their stuff just really gets to me but, the thing is they are right about it. We need to stay out of their business no matter how bad they look or are acting. I have vowed to never touch their stuff again many times.
There have been a few occasions when their paraphernalia or substance has ended somehow in my space what do I do then? Throw it away or give it back to them? I give it back to them cause if I don't they will get more. I know it sounds insane to give it back but I have noticed a lot less huffing and puffing since I have started doing it. I have said keep you stuff out of my space and I run across it much less now because they are more careful. I have also put up a very strong boundary on my valuables and remind them that I am not throwing their stuff away so they need to stay out of my purse and jewelry box. I won't say they never take stuff from me but it is less now that we have this boundary. Even though I want very much to go in a rip that stuff out of their hands and space I know that the monster will not be banished that way.
And using with them is out of the question...I tried smoking pot with my H once to try and stop him from using his drug of choice needless to say it did not work. Using something other than their drug of choice seems like it is better but it is not. To me it seems like using something else is just as insane.
All I can do is keep myself as far away from their using as possible I can not allow it in my house and my space. What they do with their body and away from me is just way beyond my control. The only time it is not is when the addict is a minor child that I am responsible for.
I have a lot of of addicts around me sometimes I feel like I just want to go far away and never look back or try to contact them again. I wish I had stayed away from my family. I did live far away from them for 10 years and it was good. The drama is continuous. My mom is getting old and I want to help her in any way I can. I feel so bad for her because her guilt overwhelms her almost every day.
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