I don't know what I'm feeling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
I don't know what I'm feeling
After 3 days of phone calls from the soon to be EX AH (yeah!), I'm not sure why or what I'm feeling, so I thought if I put it out there, maybe it will help me sort my thoughts/feelings, and maybe someone else has some ideas from what they hear...
We are almost done. The big thing is done, and I don't really have a problem with the last little stuff. It's all clear - just like buying me out of the house - the numbers haven't changed. He now has an attorney (thankfully), so that means he's not to be contacting me he's supposed to go thru his attorney to my attorney. Yes, they make money, but I can see it keeps everyone in the loop.
There has been correspondence between the two attorney's and an agreement is reachable - there's one little glitch, his, but I haven't changed anything - he has just conveniently forgotten one big-ticket item.
The week I was supposed to sign the final agreement, if it was acceptable, he went on vacation so was not available to his attorney to discuss the one little glitch. He owns his own business, has no employees, so when he's not there he doesn't make any $, and I know who he went on vacation with and they gamble, stay at only the best resorts and golf on the best courses. All of which, after a week, costs lots of $.
It's been about 1.5 weeks, but I figured the attorney's would get things rolling soon - the ball was in his court.
Last friday night when I checked email for the last time around 11:00 p.m. there was an email from him - am I going to sign the agreement. I forwarded this to my attorney (who wouldn't see it until Monday). Monday the phone calls started. At least 2 messages, but I think 3 (Monday seems like months ago - not just 2 days). Nothing threatening, just I want to talk to you so we can finalize. Lots of phone calls all day from Restricted that I didn't answer but sure it was him. Monday night a message again when I got home from din. First thing Tuesday a.m.(yesterday) - 2 calls, the 2nd one he leaves a message - *call him by this evening to discuss*. 10 min. later my boss calls and gives me the message AH called there looking for me. Another call and message by noon!
All this I passed on to the attorney - who had been trying to reach his attorney for 2 days - finally by the end of the day yesterday he got a hold of her.
This morning, the phone rings, another message, then an email, now another call.
I'm losing it, and yet I can't lose it. My neck is so tight, and I don't know why. I don't know if I'm upset, mad, confused or what. That's the question. My attorney's office just called me and said they called over to his attorney's office to inform them that there were more calls and emails and that my attorney will be writing formal notice that if it does not stop a restraining order will be placed due to harrassment.
Is it harrassment? He's not mean or threatening, but he's persistent and impatient. Why is it making me so crazy? I feel like I want to cry, but I don't. I try to talk to myself and tell myself it's OK, if that's what I need to do go ahead - and still nothing. But, I know I am upset -
This isn't helping me identify my feelings. Maybe they're so many mixed up? I know what he wants to do - he wants to say that I keep changing my mind about the $ I want to finalize and he just wanted to be sure, then he'll go on to try whatever tactics to get me to lower the funds, etc. Same thing like with the house $, in the end - it's more than fair, and so not worth it. I'm OK, to walk away too - but that doesn't make it OK all these calls.
Whew - I know that's a long one, but I'm just feeling so lost today. Thanks for listening, and any ideas - maybe I'll identify with some, so would be appreciated.
I was going to change my name soon to something like the EXCW, but at this rate, I'm just going to have to change to CrazyCW!
We are almost done. The big thing is done, and I don't really have a problem with the last little stuff. It's all clear - just like buying me out of the house - the numbers haven't changed. He now has an attorney (thankfully), so that means he's not to be contacting me he's supposed to go thru his attorney to my attorney. Yes, they make money, but I can see it keeps everyone in the loop.
There has been correspondence between the two attorney's and an agreement is reachable - there's one little glitch, his, but I haven't changed anything - he has just conveniently forgotten one big-ticket item.
The week I was supposed to sign the final agreement, if it was acceptable, he went on vacation so was not available to his attorney to discuss the one little glitch. He owns his own business, has no employees, so when he's not there he doesn't make any $, and I know who he went on vacation with and they gamble, stay at only the best resorts and golf on the best courses. All of which, after a week, costs lots of $.
It's been about 1.5 weeks, but I figured the attorney's would get things rolling soon - the ball was in his court.
Last friday night when I checked email for the last time around 11:00 p.m. there was an email from him - am I going to sign the agreement. I forwarded this to my attorney (who wouldn't see it until Monday). Monday the phone calls started. At least 2 messages, but I think 3 (Monday seems like months ago - not just 2 days). Nothing threatening, just I want to talk to you so we can finalize. Lots of phone calls all day from Restricted that I didn't answer but sure it was him. Monday night a message again when I got home from din. First thing Tuesday a.m.(yesterday) - 2 calls, the 2nd one he leaves a message - *call him by this evening to discuss*. 10 min. later my boss calls and gives me the message AH called there looking for me. Another call and message by noon!
All this I passed on to the attorney - who had been trying to reach his attorney for 2 days - finally by the end of the day yesterday he got a hold of her.
This morning, the phone rings, another message, then an email, now another call.
I'm losing it, and yet I can't lose it. My neck is so tight, and I don't know why. I don't know if I'm upset, mad, confused or what. That's the question. My attorney's office just called me and said they called over to his attorney's office to inform them that there were more calls and emails and that my attorney will be writing formal notice that if it does not stop a restraining order will be placed due to harrassment.
Is it harrassment? He's not mean or threatening, but he's persistent and impatient. Why is it making me so crazy? I feel like I want to cry, but I don't. I try to talk to myself and tell myself it's OK, if that's what I need to do go ahead - and still nothing. But, I know I am upset -
This isn't helping me identify my feelings. Maybe they're so many mixed up? I know what he wants to do - he wants to say that I keep changing my mind about the $ I want to finalize and he just wanted to be sure, then he'll go on to try whatever tactics to get me to lower the funds, etc. Same thing like with the house $, in the end - it's more than fair, and so not worth it. I'm OK, to walk away too - but that doesn't make it OK all these calls.
Whew - I know that's a long one, but I'm just feeling so lost today. Thanks for listening, and any ideas - maybe I'll identify with some, so would be appreciated.
I was going to change my name soon to something like the EXCW, but at this rate, I'm just going to have to change to CrazyCW!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
CW..... nooooooo don't change it to crazy.. cause you aren't crazy.
Ya know... we joined on here around the same time......and boy... you have come so far!
What I *think* is happening is that your stbxah contacting you so much is bringing back things from the past. I remember when the two of you were together under the same roof.... is it weirding you out that he is calling so much where before he pretty much kept to himself? You probably are feeling claustrophobic by his neediness. You are doing the absolute right thing..... letting the attorneys deal with it. Maybe a restraining order would be good... but if you don't think it's necessary - then don't.
It feels so good to be away from the drama - from the pain - and to then have it all come back like lightening bolts and your cage getting rattled like that..... it's got to be uncomfortable.
You are doing so well! Oh... and *imo*..... I think you should choose a name that is just about you... nothing to do with him. Just a thought
Ya know... we joined on here around the same time......and boy... you have come so far!
What I *think* is happening is that your stbxah contacting you so much is bringing back things from the past. I remember when the two of you were together under the same roof.... is it weirding you out that he is calling so much where before he pretty much kept to himself? You probably are feeling claustrophobic by his neediness. You are doing the absolute right thing..... letting the attorneys deal with it. Maybe a restraining order would be good... but if you don't think it's necessary - then don't.
It feels so good to be away from the drama - from the pain - and to then have it all come back like lightening bolts and your cage getting rattled like that..... it's got to be uncomfortable.
You are doing so well! Oh... and *imo*..... I think you should choose a name that is just about you... nothing to do with him. Just a thought
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
CW,
Maybe you just want it over, and it's dragging on and on? THEN he goes on a vacation, so he's not available then comes back and wants to speed things up. Now THAT is crazy!
You are doing all the right things, don't let him get to you. It'll all be done before you know it, and you won't have to worry about him contacting you anymore, right?
Hugs, and serenity....
Maybe you just want it over, and it's dragging on and on? THEN he goes on a vacation, so he's not available then comes back and wants to speed things up. Now THAT is crazy!
You are doing all the right things, don't let him get to you. It'll all be done before you know it, and you won't have to worry about him contacting you anymore, right?
Hugs, and serenity....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
CW... You are always there for me and so, know that I am here for you. You are one strong woman! Of course it's confusing and I would be angry at the same time.... remember, "it's what they do"... confusion, manipulation... It's good that you have been away from it long enough to almost have it slip your mind!!!!
Stay strong and move forward at YOUR speed, not his... all the best and lots of hugs!!!
Stay strong and move forward at YOUR speed, not his... all the best and lots of hugs!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
OK, now he's out of bounds. He went to his neighbor (who I am still friends with) and asked her to call me. He doesn't want to incur any more legal fees.
Argh!
She feels so stupid now because she feels like she should have known better. She's embarrassed she got suckered in and apologizing all over the place. I'm not mad at her at all, and I didn't get mad at her, I just felt bad that she got sucked in.
Tomorrow is going to be a better day. Thanks for your thoughts, they do help. I think it's all of the above, I felt - while reading - better, not so crazy... Thank you!
I am so ready for this to be over, and I am so ready for my "pavlov's dog" reactions to him to have some time to dissipate!
Argh!
She feels so stupid now because she feels like she should have known better. She's embarrassed she got suckered in and apologizing all over the place. I'm not mad at her at all, and I didn't get mad at her, I just felt bad that she got sucked in.
Tomorrow is going to be a better day. Thanks for your thoughts, they do help. I think it's all of the above, I felt - while reading - better, not so crazy... Thank you!
I am so ready for this to be over, and I am so ready for my "pavlov's dog" reactions to him to have some time to dissipate!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Thanks for the reminder with my quote Abundance! I look at it so much I don't always "see" it!
I have to say - even thru this whole goofy mess, and I wonder how something so simple got so complicated - I am so blessed! Gratitudes and blessings are such an important thing, and all of you on this board are on my list every day!:ghug
I have to say - even thru this whole goofy mess, and I wonder how something so simple got so complicated - I am so blessed! Gratitudes and blessings are such an important thing, and all of you on this board are on my list every day!:ghug
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by codeinewife 
Gratitudes and blessings are such an important thing, and all of you on this board are on my list every day!:ghug
Honestly, when I read the first part of your post, I couldn't help but feel that you are doing so well and for you to just keep doing what your'e doing -- moving forward and trust that the rest will soon be over.
Your feelings may be a little of everything others have shared. It does seem that all his calls put you back "there" with him....quaking....talking to the tree (was that it?)......dealing with someone who doesn't deal in reality. If it takes a restraining order to not have to talk to him, so be it.
As for him, sounds like manipulation. He wants something. Who knows what, but he wants it enough to do all this. Like Moose said, it will all be over soon.
Hugs, Rica
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Your post brought to mind the word 'annoying'. Reminds me of a mosquito. You put on repellent and it doesn't bite, but still makes that irritating whining noise as it circles around you. Sooner or later you end up slapping it. Ahhhh wonderful silence 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
So, the week it was supposed to be finalized, well, he went on vacation--probably was out gambling and doing God knows what else. He gets back and Monday, BAM . . . needs YOU to do your part immediately. Now. NOW NOW.
Only on his terms. Sounds very much like addict behavior to me. Ugh. Sorry you are going through this. Can you have his number blocked? I wouldn't pick up the phone or leave him a message. Just continue to ignore. And I would probably change my phone number if it got worse. And keep your lawyer informed about all of these things that he's doing--especially with the neighbor. Geesh.
He can afford a nice hotel room and he is worrying about lawyers' fees?
Only on his terms. Sounds very much like addict behavior to me. Ugh. Sorry you are going through this. Can you have his number blocked? I wouldn't pick up the phone or leave him a message. Just continue to ignore. And I would probably change my phone number if it got worse. And keep your lawyer informed about all of these things that he's doing--especially with the neighbor. Geesh.
He can afford a nice hotel room and he is worrying about lawyers' fees?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
