Insanity

Old 09-10-2008, 05:16 AM
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Big HUGS for you today!!

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Old 09-10-2008, 05:23 AM
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What a scary thing to happen, almost like you were having a nightmare.


More big hugs and prayers for you this morning.

:ghug3
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Old 09-10-2008, 10:53 AM
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Glad he is out of your house - at least for a bit.

Hope you can relax and regroup.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

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Old 09-10-2008, 04:43 PM
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(((truth))) ...... just wanted to let you know I was thinking about ya! xoxoxo
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Old 09-10-2008, 10:10 PM
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Thank you

With every post I read, just like every hug I get at alanon, I feel better. Your thoughts, hugs, and prayers help so much. Thank you again and again.

I'm still very tired -- must be the stress because I fell asleep early last night - on the recliner. Thank God I had set the alarm. I'd like to reply to all the posts, but I just don't think I can stay up that late.

Jody Helper......I wish I would have thought of your idea. Makes so much sense NOW.

StillLearning -- IMO honesty is a good thing --when given in a caring way which you did. Enabling. Yes. And I thought I was doing so well in my (slow) recovery. Ann posted a JFT about fear. High time I face mine instead of avoid it.

I'm glad you still have YOUR ears.
Now that he is out of the house, and you have time to reflect about the chaos and drama, what's going through your mind right now?
Moose......I'm glad I have them too, and must say, they're pretty nice ears too! So much going through my mind.....

Before I hit "submit" for my original post, I almost didn't. I knew that once I posted that, I would feel that if I didn't immediately pack my bags and get the h*** out of here, you all --- and myself-- would think I'm crazy, sick, or just plain stupid.

Back in August, I told AH I was moving out. I was so mad and upset I thought I could almost walk out and sleep in my car if I had to. Then, I started thinking (watch out), I need a place close to work, I need a bathroom to myself, I can't afford that, etc, etc, etc. I never changed my mind, I just thought I could do it on my time line. Guess we can't always expect things to work out as planned.

I know after this, things cannot stay the same. No way. Action. Focusing on action..............

:ghug
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Old 09-10-2008, 10:18 PM
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(((itisatruth)))

It's never an easy answer! Boy do I know that. But, your safety is foremost, above all else. You know what you're dealing with. No minimizing, and no dramatizing, but I guess, if I was honest with my opinion (and that's all this is) I think I would rather you err on the side of caution - for yourself!

Take care of you!

Lots of hugs coming your way!
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Old 09-10-2008, 10:35 PM
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almostexCW

Quite enough drama all on its own -- and I hate drama. I always appreciate your input, opinions or otherwise. On this "journey" for me, I have made many changes, one important one is that I am not afraid to put my needs first now. I will take care of myself, promise.
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Old 09-10-2008, 10:39 PM
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most of the time ppl in hospitals send ppl home b/c in reality they are overtired and overworked, and they would rather not deal w/ the headache of setting up observations, therapy, and fighting the patient to get help in the first place. they take the easy way out and send them home even if they may be dangerous to themselves or others ignoring that there is a problem. sorry u had to go thru that. i'll pray for u.
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Old 09-10-2008, 11:20 PM
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im sorry this nitemare is you're reality right now.he needs help..as a recovering addict i know he's living a nitemare daily in active use.i really hope he gets help.you too need to heal.at least you see first hand where you never want to b.i wish you both peace and joy of a new life .you're n my prayers.."this too shall pass"!:praying
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Old 09-11-2008, 01:54 PM
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((((truth)))) ..... I've been thinking about you. Thank you for the update. I'm proud of you.

I'm glad you are taking care of yourself....... xoxoxoxo
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:08 PM
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Again, thank you all for your support. Just thought I'd update. He is home. He was coherent enough that the co. mental health could not legally keep him any longer. He doesn't remember anything except them sowing up his ear. I'm going to stay at my mom's for a bit so I don't know when I will be able to post again (she is not good at managing money so internet is off and on)

What I'm having trouble with now is telling people to stop telling me what to do. In trying to be more open and not isolating so much, I told his family and more of my friends what's going on. Now they all have a plan for me and for him.

My friends are supportive and offer suggestions for me. But his family want ME to do all these things for my AH. His brother even said, I have to do these things to save AH's life. I politely, and in as caring way as possible, responded with I cannot be responsible for his life. I know that may sound uncaring to him, but I have learned, my AH will do what he wants to do, regardless of how hard try to control things. PLEASE DON'T PUT HIS LIFE ON ME. I am caring; I even went into a profession because I want to help others, but I can't make him stay clean; I can't make him want a sober life.


With this time to myself I've spent a lot of time asking why I'm still here. Things I need to work on:

Avoidance. All my life I have tried to pretend things were OK and ignore the negatives. My grandma used to say "Play Pollyanna." In other words, make the best of things. Although this may be a good motto, in my situation, I think it is getting in the way of me facing reality.

Fear: I avoid fear every chance I get. Just put it off or ignore it. It will go away eventually, right!!?? NOPE.

Denial: This has been a big one. Even though I have admitted I am powerless over drugs/alcohol, I recognize that, even though I logically see that he is unable to grasp sobriety right now, a small part of me finds it easier to accept that this will be the time, this will be his bottom and he will be the man I met 10 years ago. I am still in denial.

@)%)#%&)#&%0!!!!!

On a positive note, I think I have finally chosen a sponsor to help me. For the longest time I could not decide who "fit" me best. But now, I think the answer was given to me this week at a meeting.

Abundance, thanks for thinking of me.....I am thinking of you too.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:29 PM
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hugs to you... my true empathy is with you and I understand what you are facing. I hope you will find your courage and wear it like a uniform as you protect your life and if you have children, their lives.

hugs and prayers for you. Trust your survival instincts; they will guide you out of this mess. I will pray for good sleep for you as well.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:42 PM
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(((Itsatruth)))

Yeah for a sponsor! I'm so glad you found a fit. You know they all mean well, but bottom line, you know what is in your power, and they still have to learn. It's draining tho to have too much of the shoulds and shouldn'ts! Hang in there!

So relieved you're out of the house! Thanks for letting us know. Wish it could be different - for us and for them... but, that's the biggest lesson we have all learned.

Good to hear that you know you care, AND that you know you are powerless!

Thoughts and prayers to you! Big hugs too. Keep us posted when you can!

:ghug3
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:47 PM
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kidsandmemake3, thank you! I l love how you put that...wear it like a uniform....a good analogy for us keeping us in mind all the time.

Our kids (his 26 yr. old and my 20 year old) are thankfully out of the house. They were out of the house before things got like this (although they know some of what goes on). I am very thankful that they didn't see him at his worst.

Last edited by itisatruth; 09-12-2008 at 10:17 PM.
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