Language of Letting Go - Sept. 8 - Stopping Our Pain
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - Sept. 8 - Stopping Our Pain
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
--Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.
--Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
For me, the only way to get through the pain was to acknowledge it, accept it and then stare it straight in the eye and walk through it.
There was no easy way, but I was promised that it would not hurt forever and that I would be healed if I used my recovery tools to move on to a better place.
Today I am grateful for healing, grateful for faith that sees me through the more difficult days, and for all my friends here who walk with me, sharing my load and their light.
Hugs
There was no easy way, but I was promised that it would not hurt forever and that I would be healed if I used my recovery tools to move on to a better place.
Today I am grateful for healing, grateful for faith that sees me through the more difficult days, and for all my friends here who walk with me, sharing my load and their light.
Hugs
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Thank you, Ann. It is so appropriate for me today. I feel proud and healthy for facing my pain and fears, but I am right smack dab in the middle of the pain and am working hard to feel the relief of making the right decisions. I guess, I do feel some relief... just making the decision to not tolerate addiction and the behaviors it brings. To say, "not in my house any more" has eased some of that pain, but it has also brought new.
Today, I will square those shoulders back up and move forward. I will feel the pain, but I will work to find ways to make is lessen. Thank you for these posts and thank you for being you... amazing that someone who I don't even "know" could be so beneficial in my recovery and in keeping me focused and alive. HUGS
Today, I will square those shoulders back up and move forward. I will feel the pain, but I will work to find ways to make is lessen. Thank you for these posts and thank you for being you... amazing that someone who I don't even "know" could be so beneficial in my recovery and in keeping me focused and alive. HUGS
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Originally Posted by Ann 
For me, the only way to get through the pain was to acknowledge it, accept it and then stare it straight in the eye and walk through it.
When I had that dream my first thought was, don't turn your back on the ocean or it could kill you. Now I see it as more. I dove under the surface like you're supposed to otherwise those waves will beat and batter you, or worse. It only takes a deep breath and a moment. The dream was a reminder to face the waves, go under and through them to survive.
Thank you for the reminder
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by Ann
For me, the only way to get through the pain was to acknowledge it, accept it and then stare it straight in the eye and walk through it.
Chino -- I love how you use water/ocean as metaphors -- such a beautiful way to think about life.
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Yes. Thank you Ann~~ I need to read those reminders almost daily to keep myself afloat. And Chino~~ the native American way of facing life is so interesting to me. My son dated a girl that was indian was he got out of rehab. She has relapsed and is back in rehab heading for a few months of living away when done. I so enjoyed learning about her culture. I pray she will be able to find recovery and have some serenity in her life.. but I know they are not healthy together. Smiles, Bonnie
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BBD, I was raised Catholic and still embrace all the spiritual beliefs but I haven't stepped in a church for several years. I find comfort in my culture more than anywhere else, it is nature and the biggest church I know of. Many stories I heard as a child were parables and I see them every day when I open my eyes and look around.
It's good to read your son's friend knows her culture. I found out my daughter remembers more than I thought. We can be proud of our heritage but our culture is something to live up to. It reminds us we are part of something bigger than ourselves and when we're in rhythm with it (the drum is the heartbeat) we find peace.
"Mitakuye Oyasin"
It's good to read your son's friend knows her culture. I found out my daughter remembers more than I thought. We can be proud of our heritage but our culture is something to live up to. It reminds us we are part of something bigger than ourselves and when we're in rhythm with it (the drum is the heartbeat) we find peace.
"Mitakuye Oyasin"
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