jen960

HI, just needed to put some of my thoughts down. Things with AH in recovery have been going really well, then he stops going to meetings, then he goes to a few but I can see past behaviours emerging again. Only glimmers of them and then we work through it but it really reminds me of why I had left him and the life I am not prepared to live ever again.

My triggers are when he says he is going to a meeting and then decides not to go just before he is about to go. It makes me frustrated. I know it is his recovery but then I just see him as a weak, lazy, selfish individual. I am a person that does what they say they are going to do and I dont like inconsistency. I am having big doubts about this all. Maybe he should just go home to America and be done with this as I am finding him very frustrating at the moment. On the positive side, he is sober right now.

Any ideas?

lizw

Ever heard the expression, anything past the end of my nose is none of my business?

HopeTo180

Hey jen,
If he's not drinking maybe he's working it all out. People quit in many different ways. I don't go to meetings and don't need the reminder of what problems I used to have. The past is the past for me. My encouragement simply comes from change. I don't think of drinking and don't want to be reminded of it. Not that I'm susceptible to it. I just don't drink anymore. The meetings aren't keeping him sober, he is.
It's all about him. The shame of this whole thing is that you are now gun shy. You get uncomfortable when you see any sign of relapse. If he wants to quit, he'll seek all the help he needs. There again, it falls on his shoulders. As long as he's not drinking, I wouldn't worry too much. Just be there to show him what sober life is made of. Positively condition the activities you approve of. You are a great source for support.
Prayers

Troubledone

Sometimes I don't know what's worse, immature non-committed behavior or addict behavior - and I often don't know when I'm seeing one and when I'm seeing the other.

I keep hoping my addict (neice) will just grow up and be a responsible adult capable of a reciprocal relationship.

I hope you are able to sort our what you need and want and discern whether or not your boyfriend can provide that... now or ever - and how long you want to wait to find out.

Prayers for clarity and courage...