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Old 09-08-2008, 02:36 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
remember to breathe
 
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It sounds like you have your life pretty much under control. (I'm jealous)lol

one of my grandsons are going to be 5 in november and I have to say I really am enjoying him the most right now. He just listens and hangs on every word when we go out somewhere.

Tim also sounds like he's going down the right road maybe it's just taking him alittle longer to stay there but it could be worse right.

kids are stronger than we think and smarter than we think i might add, but I agree that telling all is not always the best thing.


good luck
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Old 09-09-2008, 10:37 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hey Never!!

I heard you gave a update and had to check it out. First off I am so glad that you dont have the cancer!!! My heart hit the floor when I read what you wrote. I am also glad Jay is doing fine. Wow hes five already!!! thats amazing!

I'm sorry about Tim, but you sound strong, focus and seem to know that everything will unravel the way it should.

Jay will be fine because he has you in your life, his solid figure, his rock.

Hugs to you Never, glad your back, missed you.

BTW my daughter is 11 now and Michael is 2 1/2 years old who has on my toes all day.

hugs,
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:17 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Hello there friend! Sorry you had a scare- but then how wonderful it was a false alarm.
It's great to see you back- I was just reading some old posts a couple of days ago, saw your pic, & was hoping to hear from you and here you are!

You sound good to me and I agree with Hangin' that you will know what to do each step of the way.

A new kitty? Hmmm how are the the other two? Remember that one of them really belongs to me. Which one, I forget! (Julio or Carlos...the bottle cap thief?)

I'm doing well. My AS finished with the boot camp program and halfway house transition before moving out on his own. He has a good steady job and was just married last May! We love our new DIL- They live near her college in an apt which is a stone's throw from where he works. He's been clean about two and a half years.

I'm back to attending Al-Anon on a regular basis and am loving it... because I'm a cast iron codie!

It's so nice to hear from you...and I'm sorry for all your troubles; but will be saying some prayers for all that you are facing.
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Old 09-09-2008, 09:29 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hi Corine,
Glad to see you back, sorry about the sad circumstances.
You are such a great mom, your little fella is lucky to have you as his mom!

hugs to you, and prayers for Tim,
and you and Jay...

(we kept the light on for ya...)
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Old 09-09-2008, 09:35 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
the girl can't help it
 
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(((((Corine))))))

Good to see ya sweetie!!! Glad you and Jay are doing well!!!

As for telling him what's going on could not just say dad is sick?
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Old 09-09-2008, 09:46 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Rita - I missed you too! Glad to hear that you're doing well! And, surviving the storms! Yes, my new (not so new anymore ) car..... actually it got in an accident. I was rear ended on the way to a client. They had to replace the whole back of it. I had my seat belt on and wasn't hurt... just inconvienced. My poor car! 7 grandkids is just fantastic. I just found out that I'm gonna be an Aunt! My brother is having his first child. I just love kids!

Jwife - Glad to here about hubby's sobriety! More glad to hear that you're doing well. One day at a time.... right!?!?

rahsue - Not quite under control, but I'm just dealing with what I can deal with and letting the rest go. How many grandkids do you have now?

jewelz - I love your little cuties! They always look like they're having so much fun! I've missed you guys soo much!

cmc - Julio's the bottle cap collector. Still at it. Just wish I knew where he kept them. Congrats on your son's wedding! I wish you were my MIL! That would be so much fun! Thank you for the prayers. I was thinking about going back to meetings, but just don't see how I can fit them in at this point. Maybe every other week. We'll see.



Okay, here's today's update... ugh! Well, I updated Jay's school as to what was going on. The principal called me and asked me to write a letter and send it in and send them a copy of the court order. They said they'll flag him and let all the teachers and staff know not to let him in the building and not to let him take Jay under any circumstances.

Tim's sister called tonight. Apparently his insurance will not pay for the 28 day program. So guess what!?! He's coming home tomorrow. I feel like I've seen this episode before. So, she asked me if I wanted Jay to have a visit with Tim this weekend. I told her that I wanted all visits to be supervised for a loooooong time. She agreed and offer to supervise. I also told her that she's projecting a bit... he was in detox for a big 4 days and is now coming home. And, as much as he says he wants to stay clean while strapped to a bed, it's not likely that he'll be clean for too long after he gets out. Also, that she should probably wait to see how he is before she starts making plans. That, he'll likely be very emotional and probably won't want to see Jay. So, basically.... no! How about he gets some of his stuff together, helps himself a bit and then tries to screw up his son's life again. I'm a little bitter today. I'll be better tomorrow! LOL! She also said that it would be okay for me to come there. I told her, I seriously doubt that he'll want to see me.... I'm the one person who doesn't buy his bs and the one person who has a history of going through this with him. And, that I thought she was likely putting too much pressure on him and herself. I'm gonna stop answering the phone!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-09-2008, 09:50 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Moose and Splendra... I missed you guys. My keyboard is having issues and it's taking me forever to type! Thank you sooo much for all the kind words and advice! How's everything going with you all?
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Old 09-10-2008, 04:03 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
the girl can't help it
 
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I hear ya on the key board issues mine is messed up too :p and it really limits me a lot in responding to posts. Takes forever....

I am so glad I don't have a young one in dealing with this crap.

My son got married last year. He and she are both going to college. Matthew is studying to be a minister and Veronica is studying to be a lawyer.

In dealing with my son and telling him what was going on good or bad I always tried to be honest as I did not want to distort reality. I always wanted him to be able to trust his gut. I remember how much my mom lied to me and it always made me feel weird. Once I asked her in front of her friends why did she always lie so much boy she kicked my a$$ on that one...

I have an autistic nephew who's mom(my sister) is a drug addict. One day when he was about 9 my mom called me a told me he was crying for me so I went to see him and we took a very long walk and I told him what was really going on with his mom and uncles as gently I as I could of course. He knew something was terribly wrong but everyone acted like he did not see or hear or even notice what was going on. They used his autism as an excuse to not tell him the truth. Sometimes I think the denial that they force on him is worse than the autism. I am the only one in the family that he talks to in complete sentences and calls on the phone. I gave him my phone number and he calls me almost everyday or I call him. Something that really blew their minds is he picked up the phone and called me and said, "mom's getting ready to go get some dope" right in front of them. Because they did not think he knew what was going on....

Kids know when something ain't right is the point I am trying to make. My mom tried to hang sheets of denial across my consciousness thru out my whole childhood some of the more opaque ones stayed with me for a long time. I never want to do that to any kid I think it makes addicts and addiction bloom...
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:33 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Splendra.... So glad to hear the good news about your son and DIL. Congrats. I love how involved you are with your nephew. I know we've had this conversation before, but I work with children with Autism. It sounds like he's doing well. And that having you in his life has helped him tremendously. For right now, I'm not telling Jay anything. Mostly, because he hasn't asked. I think they're relationship has gotten better over the years, but that he doesn't really register on Jay's charts as someone of concern. I know, that sounds bad. And I know, at some point he'll understand what the relationship should be, but at 5, he's just not interested in his father and would usually want to just stay home with me. When the time is right, we'll have a long conversation about everything.


Okay, so I haven't updated you all in a couple of days. Tim called yesterday. I chose to wait on calling him back. I just wasn't in the mood to hear it all. His message was long and he sobbed through the entire thing. I ended up calling him back today. He's in a sorrow/regret phase and is just full of apologies. But once again, I'm not too sure that he knows what he's apologizing for. I simply told him to apologize to himself, because we've lost nothing from all this, but he continues to lose time with his son and continues to miss everything that's great about his son by being so self-involved. He assures me that it's just a slip and that although he's not feeling well physically, he's doing really well emotionally (that explains the long, sobbing message left only yesterday). I know I've been through all of this before, it just seems as though I have an entirely different perspective on it all, and just don't see any of it being genuine or of any interest to me whatsoever. It's like watching the same episode of a tv show over and over again. I'm hearing the same lines, the same lies, the same bs and I'm just happy to turn off the tv and go on with my life.

What makes me sad, is that I went through all this drug addict bs when I was a child, and there's nothing more I ever wanted then to NOT do this to my own child. But, looks like that plan didn't work out. It's not fair to Jay. It's really not. And the stress that he puts onto everyone else is not fair. Everyone has problems and everyone has low points, but we muster through them. We handle them and move on. We try our hardest not make others suffer for our mistakes. But Tim, he messes up and pulls everyone down with him. He makes his problems everyone else's problems. He forces his drama onto everyone around him. He's a virus. I know this is all a part of the disease, but enough already!
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Old 09-13-2008, 09:05 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Never, I like the analogy of how detachment makes you see the drama as watching the same old show over and over again. I know it is sad and also frustrating, but I think it is huge that you can say that and aren't being sucked into it.
Gotta love those insurance companies...They are hell bent on releasing people right at the point where they are sooo filled with cravings and ready to go back out. I always have this "DUH what are you thinking" message going on in my head when I hear about them doing this and just wanna line 'em up and smack them upside the head, lol. I do know what they are thinking - Profits...It isn't about helping someone with a disease. It is so easy to throw people back out when physical withdrawal is done.Oh well, enough,I am powerless over insurance companies, lol

I hope depite everything Tim keeps doing the right thing and getting back into recovery. You are doing a great job with yours...Keeping an eye out for yourself and Jay. Hugs
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Old 09-26-2008, 09:40 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Just figured I'd update everyone (been busy.... living life). I spoke to Tim and he agreed to go back to supervised visits with either myself or his sister. Jay and Tim had their first visit this past weekend. They went to Tim's sister's son's football game (did ya get the familial connection... lol!). They seemed to have fun, but stll, Jay never asks for him, never talks about him. I feel bad for the both of them.

Well, on the addiction front, he seems okay. He's FINALLY going to see a PSYCHIATRIST!!!!!! After years and years of suggesting it, he's finally going. We had a long talk the other night and just spoke about anxiety and treating underlying conditions.

Other then that..... I'm staying out of it and FAR away from it. I want to know as little as I possibly can.

On the possitive notes.... we're going to see my brother. He moved to Georgia last year. We'll be there for 10days. Perhaps a little overload, but Jay really misses him. They talk on the phone a couple times/week. His wife is pregnant with their first child (her second). I'm starting to connect better to life that I had been a year ago. I wake up every morning, get everything done. I actually go to work Jay gets to school on time. We're spending more quality time together. Overall, I just feel better. And, I'm finally going back to school. I hopefully start in October.

So, other then my bank going bankrupt, life is good!
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