Boyfriend's mother is ruining his life! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 09-04-2008, 11:39 PM   #1 (permalink)

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Boyfriend's mother is ruining his life!

So, from the beginning: My boyfriend's mother used to be a crack and meth addict when he and his siblings were children. Then(after getting off that and getting married), she got a chronic heart condition and was prescribed morphine. She gave my bf some. Then, she told the docs the morphine was too addicting so they switched her to oxycodone. She has been giving him this and he has been doing other drugs since 16. Him and I started dating at the age of 20(he is 21 now and I am almost 21). We began living together. I wanted to try heroin and he told me he had tried it a few times a year before and wanted to do it again. He showed me how to shoot up the oxycodone's and every couple days we started to go to his mother for pills. Then him and I started doing heroin together. His mom wanted to shoot up so we helped her. A few times she gave us money for drugs. We also did some coke with her once. After a few months of doing heroin or oxy's or both everyday I went to rehab and when I was out(after only 8 days!) he went in. I was sober for the 12 days he was there and when he left early the first thing we did was get high. Also, during his time in treatment he told his mom he felt bad and she brought him oxy on family day. After two months of doing it again everyday he went back to rehab and I joined a suboxone maitanence program on June 6, 08. I have been sober ever since. He relapsed again and went to treatment for 2 weeks and then joined an outpatient program and went to meetings everyday. He was also given suboxone for maitenance. Then his mother(who began shooting up pills) showed him the disgusting used needles she was using and wanted clean ones. He wanted something in return and so she gave him 10 pills for a pack of clean needles. He stopped doing the suboxone and started doing the pills. I didn't know about this until the third day of his using when he told me he needed to go back to the hospital. He detoxed there for 2 days. He's back on suboxone. What I am worried to death about is his mother influencing him to use. She has a constant supply to oxycodone and is shooting them up herself. She is a terrible mother obviously and I just don't know how a mother could do this to her son. I don't want him to see her because I know they are used to sneaking drugs to each other but he says he loves his mom even though all he's been put through because of her and he still wants to see her. I want her out of our lives because she will try to use us for needles and she will try to get us to use to make herself feel less lonely. Please help me and my boyfriend!!!! What should we do??? I am so mad and frustrated with this situation and can't seem to find a solution for it!
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Old 09-05-2008, 01:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry for the situation you are in, but honestly it doesn't sound to me like he really WANTS recovery (I'm a recovering crack addict). If he is wanting something in exchange for the needles, he is ASKING for drugs.

Yes, she is influincing him, but it sounds like you are also around her and YOU aren't asking her for any pills.

As hard as it is, there is no way you can make him get clean if he doesn't want it. Personally, if anyone in my family or close friends was using crack, I would have to stay away from them, as it would jeopardize MY recovery.

The best thing you can do is focus on you. I had to leave my XABF (ex-addict-boyfriend) because he was still using. Yes, I was "strong" for a while and didn't use, but it wore me down and I eventually relapsed.

Rehab gave him the tools to live life without drugs, it's up to him whether or not he uses those tools.

It sounds like this is going to be an ongoing thing with him if you continue to stay with him. You started your relationship with using together. In that kind of situation, when one person seeks recovery and the other doesn't, there usually isn't much a relationship left.

Take care of you.

Hugs and prayers!

"I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer

"You got what it takes you can win, today is your day to begin. - Shania Twain

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Old 09-05-2008, 06:56 AM   #3 (permalink)

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You know Amy is right. Even after we give something up if we hang with people that do it we may relapse. I gave up smoking as I had to have a Spinal Revision & my dr told me I had to quit for the year prior to my surgery. After I got home from the hospital my hubby was smoking & I started again. My Mom always says if you lay with dogs you'll get fleas & its true.
Take care of yourself & stay away from anyone who uses.
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Old 09-05-2008, 07:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thing is, if the guy wants to stop using, he can stop using.

On the other hand, if his mother were out of the picture and he still wanted to use, he would find another source anyway.

Hope you're not blaming the mother for her son's use. Yes, she is enabling in the worst way. But the decision to pick up and use is his.
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Old 09-05-2008, 09:21 AM   #5 (permalink)

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HeartShaped.......I certainly agree with the other posts....If an addict wants to stay clean he'll work on it.....and yes the mother is not helping, however she's not forcing him to use. I trully hope that you will continue to work on "you".

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Old 09-05-2008, 09:32 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by heartshapedgirl View Post
I want her out of our lives because she will try to use us for needles and she will try to get us to use to make herself feel less lonely.
You alone can't remove her from your lives as a couple, but you alone can remove yourself from her life.
When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
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Old 09-05-2008, 01:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I find I can no longer allow toxic people in my life.

I am a recovering addict/codependent, and I can assure you that I used because I wanted to use.

His mother is an active addict, a sick person.

We addicts are very good about keeping enablers in our lives while we are using.

A strong word of caution too- I relapsed after 4 years clean/sober because I was with a man who relapsed after 2 years, and I went right down the tubes with him.

Today my recovery is precious to me, and I choose not to get/stay involved with an active addict.

That's a train wreck waiting to happen for me.
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Old 09-05-2008, 07:00 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Your boyfriend's choices are ruining his life.
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