JMFburns

Let me start by saying I know if I'm thinking about this I'm spending too much time thinking about my A and not enough time thinking about me but . . . here goes anyway.

Does anyone have any experience with in home drug tests that you buy at the drug store or on line? Has anyone ever used one? Did you feel it was accurate? How did it make you feel or change your decisions/behaviors after using it for a loved one?

I know they're available and have been wondering if it would make me feel any better/worse about my interactions with my AS.

Thanks

marle

I have found that they only make me feel good for the moment that I gave it to my daughter. Then I would start to feel the old suspicions creep back in again. I bought a ten panel test from a medical lab. That way it covered almost everything. I still have a hair test in my cupboard in the bathroom. My daughter has offered to take it but I have declined since I can tell by her actions that she is clean. I believe that you don't need a test to know what is happening. Normal behavior and drug behavior are so opposite that I always know when my daughter is using. Hope that helps, Marle

cece1960

I found it was an excercise in humiliation for both me and my son.
It came out neg once, and I didn't trust it. Positive another time and I already knew.

It also caused me to take things up a notch in regards to playing warden, which was going against everything I was trying to do.

BBD

Hi JFM~~I did buy one and had it in the bathroom for months. When Chris got out of rehab he had to be tested weekly with counciling (had to stay clean to get counciling here)))) so I never really did use it. Catch me up here. How old is your son.....OOpppss~~getting called. I'll be back in a few hours when it calms down here...Sorry!! and smiles

hope213

i am not sure how accurate they r. probley about like pregancy test. they main thing is it is not going to stop him from using if he wants too. i know it is hard to let go of the addict when it is your son. my son is my addict but i learned to let go or get dragged. the road got to hard for me. it takes alot of work & i still have a bad day or two but he is in my heart constantly instead of my head. prayers for you both,

BBD

Hi JFM~ It's been a long journey here and I'm sure its not over yet but I have learned one thing. This isn't up to me to control at all. My son used, went to rehab, went to meetings for months and then relapsed. It just about killed me but right then~~I knew I had to have help. Counciling and alanon and of course~this place has saved me. Some kids are court ordered for drug testing and they know how to beat the system. We have an indian reservation close to us and they buy something (to digest)) that changes the results......The authorities around here realize this and sometimes a few tests are done randomly. It won't stop someone from using so honey~~please try to step away and let your HP take over. I got in the way soooo many times it wasn't funny. Things seem to be getting better now that I have set bountries with Chris. He knows he can't come here for money anymore...Socks, yes~ but no money. He has a good job, is living on his own and better take care of himself. He has moved in and out of here so much I renamed my house "Hotel California" a few times. I know its heartbreaking but having us keeping a constant eye on them just doesn't work. Does your son live with you?? How old is he??? I just wish my son had picked up his addiction in his teens when we would have had more power. It would have been rehab for a year and then who knows...this is a terrible way to live..I worried, cried, worried some more and hardly ever slept. I'm so thankful that I handed Chris over to God... someone here said~~~~"from your head to your heart toyour hands....hand him over!!! We can love them but they have to save their lives. Hopefully we're amoung the lucky ones that get to see our kids healthy someday.. Love and hugs, Bonnie

Freedom1990

Here is what I've found works for me in dealing with my 20 year old AD, still at home.

Regardless of whether she's drinking or not (she's a binge drinker), are her current behaviors/attitudes acceptable to me?

If they aren't, then what are my established boundaries, and the consequences for her if she crosses those boundaries?

Trying_in_Texas

I bought one online once when ex-ABF was still using... he absolutely refused to take it. That was more of a positive than any test could show, and I still didn't leave him, and later I figured out it was totally pointless to do it anyway if I didn't have any real follow-through anyhow. I know you cannot "leave" your son, but you can probably figure out if he's using or not without the test. I always could with my mother.

I don't think it's worth the money, the humiliation, or the time. Because you're probably a pretty good judge of that all by yourself. We just don't trust ourselves when we're in the midst of it.

Abundance

A part of the recovery plan that we put into place was doing random drug tests. It is what *he* wanted though ~ not me. He did do the test a couple of days ago..... and it was clean ~ but honestly I think the only reason why it was done is because there was one on hand.

Personally - I am not for it. I feel that it is humiliating and I don't want that being another thing I have to worry about. BUT *he* wants it. We were going to the dice roll every morning - and it's happened once. If *he* wants to do it..... FINE..... but I'm not going to ask for it.

A drug test for me is just a remedy or a cure for me to feel less crazy if I'm suspecting and being lied to about whether or not he is or was high. But then what???? Well.... if it turns up positive then we both know what happens. Leave the house (better to not come home at all if high) and do not detox here either. Aaaaaaaaaand then all the natural suffering that comes with a relapse comes about.

For some people it works for everyone involved. With my guy, he says he likes the idea of doing it because it is a safety measure. But - again - he hasn't been rolling the dice. So - I don't know.

I think it's good you are acting and not re-acting with it.

Is he living with you?

JMFburns

Thank you for all the different opinions on home drug tests, to use or not to use and your sharing of experiences and feelings when/if you used them. It (again) makes me feel I am not the only one struggling with the life I've been dealt.

My 27 yr old AS does not live with me.

In 2006 my house (of 16 yrs) was bought by a development co. for the bldg. of a Super Target. At that time my AS & his gf moved into a 1 br. duplex and my (now 24) D and I moved into a 2 br. apt. I paid my AS's 1/2 of his rent for a yr & 1/2 while he went from job to unemp. to job to unemp., etc. (stupid me!) I can't really recall all the events surrounding it, but my AS has ended up in detox twice (I drove him there both times.) He completed one out patient rehab after the first time he went to detox.

In March of 2008 AS's gf moved out into her own 1 br. apt., my AS had no job, no where to go & claimed he had just done detox on his own. He ended up staying a couple months w/a friend of exgf's brother, 40 miles north of Minneapolis. Then came back to Twin Cities & currently stays w/some old neighbors of ours or exgf's friend (who is an addict w/young daughter.)

He got arrested about 4 months ago - he says was with an acquaintance who was trying to fill prescription that wasn't his - AS was only one arrested. Because he had no record the court gave him opportunity to participate in diversion program where he meets w/a counselor once a month and participates in random ua testing. (He calls a number, if his specified color comes up he has to go that day and take a ua.)

AS claims he has a new job, it's been about 2 1/2 weeks.

Anyway . . . my D has no contact with her brother, she does not want him in our apt. and would not allow him to stay with us. I cannot offer him a place to stay. And, needless to say . . . I have no money left - have tried over the past 2 years to buy his happiness, recovery, etc. This story is the bare bones, as I read through it doesn't capture my anguish, tears, fears, panic or gut wrenching-heart breaking love for the addict that was once my son. ARGH . . . pretty pathetic huh?!?!

BBD

Your situation isn't pathetic hon~~it is what it is. We all pray that our sons and daughters can find their way and hopefully do it by themselves. We just have to sit by and hope for the best. Your daughter has stepped away~~my older son has stepped away and that makes it doublely hard on us. There were so many times that I wanted Scott to choke Chris into sanity but he wouldn't. Seems our kids are smarter than us...Hang in there sweety and enjoy your week-end. The weathers beautiful here in NY and we have a bluesfest going on in our town....Hugs, Bonnie

sleepygoat

My AD (if she completes the rest of her rehab - BIG if) will come home, and a condition of that is random urine tests. She was told about that and she agrees with that. My daughter is such a very good liar that the only way I was sure 2 years ago, when it all seemed to start (actually it had started long before that but I was too dumb to notice), was to test her. she did have a 10 year old pee for her and then attach the urine to her own leg in a plastic ziplock bag (so it would be warm, ya know?) and fool me that way! But we also were able to test her and it would be positive at other times and then we just kicked her out!! So she knows that's the deal if she comes home now -. I also was dumb in that I didn't always watch her urinate into the cup so she was able to fool me with that 10 year olds urine. That won't happen again. Always watch. Who cares if they are humiliated - we have been thru unspeakable pain because of them. Our home, our rules if you ask me.

At any rate, good luck.