painter

Sorry if this is to long~~~Was told today by ADBF' s mother that he was arrested yesterday. Evidently they were living in a town 45 minutes from "home" He got stopped in a road block, tried to make a U turn and got caught. Evidently my AD was not with him at the time. She said that she was going to turn herself in here in our hometown. Since she is 7 months pregnant she could not take care of herself without him. I am having mixed feelings. I am glad that maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel. But on the other hand scared. She is will have to spend at least 3 months in jail for the shoplifting charge plus whatever she gets for running. She will have this child in jail. I cannot take another child to raise. I have her two other children (3 and 5) with me now. But it will kill my mind and soul to think what will happen to this child. Please pray for us. Thank you all so much. I would not have gotten thru this whole mess if not for you wonderful friends. I stop by every nite even though I do not post often. Just your words have eased my pain. Love to you all. April

hope213

oh, painter, i feel so bad for you. you & your daughter will be in my prayers. maybe this time in jail will be her bottom. maybe she will be ready to make a life for herself & her children when she gets out. we r here for you. let us know how u r doing & your daughter too. hugs,

historyteach

My thoughts and prayers are with you both during this difficult time. :praying

Shalom!

HopeTo180

April,
Welcome! I'm so glad you found us. I'm happy that our words comfort you. Never worry about a lengthy post. The longer the post, the better the chance we have to help.

Wow, you sure have a lot on your plate. It sounds like you're holding up OK but, yes, I agree, one can only take so much. I can see that you care more about the innocent (the kids) than the perpetrators. In other words, I don't think you're an enabler. Are there not other members of the family that can take the third child? Does it all have to fall on you? You could make some calls and see if someone else can help share the burden. You're helping all that you can. And you're compassion is commendable!

I want to touch base on one subject to make sure you're doing the right thing. I think you are. Do not worry about those that have chosen a path of addiction and/or crime. This is their path and you must let them learn. The lack of control will drive you nuts. Remember this was their choice, not yours. Not a moment of concern from you. This will save you much grief. Pour all of your emotions and strength into your passion, the kids. Keep posting. Prayers

JMFburns

painter,

News of our addict children can be a blessing w/mixed outcomes . . . I do not know what happens if a child is put in the foster care system . . . if your daughter or the father were to clean up their lives, could they try to get the child back? I hope you do not feel forced to take the baby - it sounds like you are doing what you can right now.

Stay strong. Fellow Mom hugs are being sent to you.

peaceteach

(((Painter))),

Hang in there, momma. Try really hard not to awfulyze but instead to know that your daughter's HP has her right where he wants her. You can find peace tonight, sweetie. Just keep the faith. Sending big prayers for your HP to give you comfort and sweetness tonight. Glad you came here for big hugs and encouragement.

grateful2b

((((April))))
I am sorry....sending you big momma hugs and prayers for you and your daughter...remember she is in her HP's hands ...Grateful

itisatruth

Hugs and prayers for you all heading your way. Even though you have been through so much, I admire you for taking in your grandchildren and I am thankful they have you. I also pray for your AD, that she may find her way.

BBD

Hi painter, My heart breaks for you. Hopefully your daughter will get the help she needs soon and the baby will only be placed in temporary care till all can get settled. I know how your feeling. Its so hard to help our kids sometimes and you are so wonderful to be caring for 2 grandbabies already. Prayers coming your way with lots of love, Bonnie

marle

Painter, Sending prayers for you and your daughter, her children and the unborn baby. Maybe the time in jail will keep the baby safe. Hugs, Marle

devastated

My heart goes out to you because I know how difficult it is to have small children to raise; however, they are also what keeps you from going crazy too.

Is the boyfriend an addict as well? I hope the answer to that is no. How about the parents of the boyfriend? Perhaps they could help with the children. Are you getting some type of monetary help with them?

Maybe they will just give her probation since she's pregnant. How about asking for some help...a program maybe?

In any event God love you for making a home for those children. You will be rewarded!

Hugs, Devastated

sleepygoat

Just to let you know that kids of addicts are put in foster care all the time, and are almost always given back to the parent if the parent cleans up their act. Many addicts are highly motivated by this, since they don't want their kids in foster care. But when the kids are with mom - they are less motivated IMO (I've seen this in meetings). that's not to say you should do anything as a manipulation, but only to say -do only what you can handle, and let God do the rest. The child will be oK and your daughter may get clean and take care of her children yet.

painter

Thank you EVERYONE!!!! Yes, the ADBF is an addict. He is the one who got my AD started. She has been with him for 7 years. I NEVER had a lick of trouble out of AD until she got hooked up with him. When he was in jail for 7 months she really got her life turned around and I am hoping that this will happen again when he goes away for about 5 years this time. His family is of no use. They all have been in trouble too. The other grandmother has only seen the grandkids for about 3 hours since May. The grandfather none. The ADBF's brother is in jail now for facing possible manslaughter charges. So I am on my own with the two kids. Hardest job I have ever done. I pray everyday that the Lord will give me strength and put the rest into His hands. Thank you all for caring. Love to you all and my prayers for you and your families.

rozied

Hi April, So sorry to hear all the bad news but here is hoping your daughter will get herself straightened out while he is in jail. I hope he gets a long enough sentence, and is away long enough to give your daughter a fighting chance. You know when I was 18 & married my ex my family knew he was trouble & I didn't listen either. I truly was as addicted to him as he was to gambling. I was 27 when he got in trouble with the law & ran away. It gave me the space & time to break my addiction to him. I moved into an apt over my parents. I went to college full time. After about 5 months, I started dating a really nice guy & this allowed me to see the difference. I lived a normal life for 9 months. By the time I saw him again, I was free. It was over. When you are knee deep in one of these dysfunctional relationships it is hard to break free. I had children with my ex also & that tie is strong. I thank God everyday that he ran away. It gave me back my life.
Hang in there April. Better days are ahead. Pray he gets a nice long sentence.
Love,
Diane

Impurrfect

Big hugs and prayers to you, your daughter and the babies.

Amy

greeteachday

Painter...You and your family are in my prayers. Times like you posted about are the ones where I really have to remind myself of my powerlessness and put that faith and trust in my HP. By reminding myself of the many times HP has done what I thought could never be done, that faith and trust helps me through. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

devastated

Hi Painter...darn, was hoping the bf was not an addict but should have known otherwise why would he be going to jail! HELLO?

Anyway, Rozied said it right. Hopefully, once he is away and cannot influence her, and once she gets her head cleared, she may realize how badly she's messing up and will want her babies back.

In the meantime, hang in there grandma, you are saving those babies from foster homes!

More prayers for you and AD and her babies.

hugs, Devastated

GwenMarie30

((((((((((Painter)))))))))))))))
God has grace. Remember that things work in ways we cant imagine but do turn out ok, most of the time. You have given your heart to raising your child and she has made some choices that arent good. But she is alive and hopefully will find her way thru. Now you have opened your heart to raising her children. Do not be hard on yourself that you cant raise a 3rd baby. Foster homes are not that perfect but they arent that bad. The child will be warm, cared for, and safe. Maybe more so until mom can straighten herself out. Foster parent are loving people too. They opened their homes to children who need it. I pray for your daughter, for you, and for the babies and the foster parents in this world. Maybe foster care is Gods way of grace?

painter

Found out today that ADBF is being charged with 4 counts of something or other in the the other city. So he will be serving time there, then transfered here to our hometown to serve for the charges here. Sounds like he will be going away for a lOOOOOg time. Yeah. Also found out that AD is staying with BF's father and his girlfriend. I asked if they were going to take her in ,,NO the girlfriend has three children and they can't afford to support her. YEAH. So it sound like the bottom is getting closer. We'll see. Thanks for all your kind words. I am trying to hang in there. Love ya'll so much. April

beegee

April,
So sorry about everything but things happen for a reason so maybe this will be a better road for you and her. It may be a good thing he is going away, your daughter maybe can get herself together. Prayers for you both.