Need advice-codisim or compashion
 

Well, I'm really in a pickle here trying to make a decision. It's really nothing to do with addiction but everthing to do with my own recovery from co-dependance.

I hired a young man to lay block in the basement of the motel. He is about 24 or so, clean cut, with a 2 year old daughter. He works a regular job and he asked if he could do my job after work and on weekends. I let him. I left the basement open for him and I went home.

As some of you know, I've had some real bad experiences with being robbed. I'm real touchy about it because I can no longer leave my home without the thought that when I return, everything could be gone again.

Well this young man, took a commercial AC unit from the rear of the motel and took it to the scrap yard and sold it. It was a broken unit, but fixable. The scrap yard called the police, who confronted him, he admitted to it, but begged the cops to let him talk to me. The cops didn't even call me or arrest him. They told him to talk to me and see if I would let it go. And they left. The only reason I heard about it, is another trustworthy worker heard the call on the scanner and contacted me.

The young man is begging and pleading with me, he says he thought it was trash and didn't think I would care if he hauled it off, he pointed out that he had access to all the tools and spools of wiring and any number of things he could have stolen. He says he has never been in any trouble and that the cops and his preacher will verify that. He said that he missed a weeks pay because of the rain and that his daughter had to have diapers and food, that was why he did what he did.

Now I have to decide, do I send him to jail or do I show mercy and give him a chance to finish the block job and pay for the unit?

My first gut reaction was to send him to jail, but now, I feel sorry for him. Imagine that, here I am worried about his family.

Is this a codie moment or is this just human compashion?

If he goes to jail, he will loose his regular job and word will get out that he is a thief. If I do nothing, word will get out that I am a push over for a hard luck story.

But things are really hard for some people right now. So hard that people are doing things that they would never consider doing, just to feed and shelter their family.

I don't know what to do. I'm tired of being ripped off and taken advantage of, yet I feel sorry for this young man.

Am I being hood winked? Should I even believe a word he says?

Can someone please give me some advice here? I have to make a decision in the next few hours and I just keep going back and forth on this.

Thank You
B

That is a tough one. You have to do what you believe and feel in your heart is best. It is hard not to be jaded when you have been taken advantage of, however human compassion and doing what you think is right and you can live with is what it is all about.

Maybe if you tell him that he needs to give you the money...now and then let him finish the job...w/supervision? My one thing I would definitely suggest is to protect yourself a bit more... only let people work supervised, maybe look for people who are insured or bonded only.

Do what you feel in your heart. I know it might seem like you are letting him get away with something or rescuing him.... and maybe it's my codie tendencies that are making me see it another way. Should you decide that you have to contact the police, then do it. Do what you feel is best.

Not sure I was much help. !!!

My gut says to give him a break, but I think it's my need to rescue, to save people from themselves that is really why I'm not livid about the whole thing. I've always been too soft, too forgiving.

I'm tending towards letting him work it off but I'm feeling a little bit of disappointment in myself. I feel like a push over....again.

I gave him the job because of his hard luck story. Even was paying him the same that I would a lic. and bonded company. I have a real hard time trying to not help people out.

B

Hmmmmm, what would I do? I think I would talk to the police and if he is telling the truth about having no record or charges before...then I would fire him but not press charges. If he lied, fire him AND charge him.

I think if by chance what he says is true, albeit still wrong what he did, then firing him may be enough punishment and protect you from further loss.

If he's lying, then charge away, it's all about consequences.

I never understand why it isn't easy for people to figure out that if they don't own it, it isn't theirs to do anything with. You know that, I know that, and my guess is they know that too and just make excuses.

Big hugs because you've come so far and still have compassion . :hug:

JMO either get the cash for the unit or get the unit back. If you keep him no telling what he might confiscate. He should have told you before taking it. He is right about the tools and other things but the scrap yards in Ar. have to turn this info into the police.

Do what you think is best!!!!!!!!

You are right Ann. So why do I feel so yucky about it? Will this desire to make everything alright ever go away?

Moms - the unit is gone, he tore it apart to seperate the copper from the metal, they gave him $32 for it, after he bought the diapers and baby food he had $12 left, he showed me the reciepts, offered me the $12. I didn't even take it.

there's always room for compromise.
so let him go on the bases that he give you 2 hours a week free for 1 month(just an example) that clears your concience his record and noone will think you're a push over.

just a thought

What I want to know is can you get your property back?

If so I say to let it go this once. He should not have assumed that you would not mind him taking it. Will trade for labor be enough? can you afford to replace the unit if you cannot get it back?

you ole softy you...times are tough though.

ooopsie I can see that you cannot get the unit back:c024:

It is a hard call there girlie. I hate doing business with the law myself but are you tough enough to hold him accountable?

When I was in my 20's I needed some cash and I stole $50 out of a cash box at work. I was never suspected nor caught because I had never, ever done something like that before and I was a very good employee. But I did suffer consequences. I felt intense guilt and still do to this day. If I had been caught, I don't know if I would have been fired or just made to pay the money back. It happened one time and that was enough for me. This young man may be the same. His guilt may be enough to keep him from doing something stupid in the future. He is young and sounds like he has a lot of responsibility. I agree with Ann though that you need more facts. Hugs, Marle

Well, just call me gullible and codie. I could never put a 24 year
old man in jail who has a job, works weekends to make ends
meet with a 2 year old daughter. I think he made a huge blunder assuming this was scrap and should have consulted you. But then what do I know. Humans make mistakes. I just don't read any maliciousness here.

And what Marle said!

We own a construction company so we've seen our fair share of theft. We always fire them because we can no longer trust them, but don't prosecute unless it's over x amounts of dollars. Our time is valuable and court isn't always accommodating.

We still feel 'yucky' when we have to fire someone, especially when they have dependents. Doesn't make us codies, just humans.

I agree with Rahsue, I think I would let him work it off...

Fire him -- there have to be consequences for his actions! Anyway he has a regular job, it's not like this is his only income. I wouldn't prosecute, though, given that the unit was broken (even if fixable). Unless you find out that he lied about having a record. And sorry about the 2-year-old, but are you doing her a bigger favor by letting dad slide down that slippery slide of doing wrong with no consequences? She will (IMHO) be better off having an honest dad than one who somehow always has enough money to make ends meet.

I have to be honest here...I believe him.
And with times the way they are, I beleive that he felt it would sit and waste, and his baby needed things.
(Keep in mind that I've shown my codie colors on many occasions here ;) )

But I would fire him from the job, unless, he can work off what the unit was worth to YOU.

Frankly,

From one codie to another, do what brings PEACE to YOU. Step away from the drama and allow your serenity to return to YOUR life. Ask yourself, what will bring me back to my stability?

Call me a complete codie also, but I believe him and would for sure give him the benefit of the doubt. What he did wasn't right - for sure. But then again, you have to hit me with a 2 x 4 before I would ever believe that someone would lie to me and deceive me in real life. In reality, my AH pulled the wool over my entire family's life. So don't put any validity into my post ;)

Hi Frankly
 

I think desperate people do desperate things...sad, but true.

I know what he did was wrong; however, if he really is telling the truth about not having a record, and he will agree to finish the job without pay, I would not press charges.

I think you will have taught him a good lesson and, as in Marle's case, he'll probably never, ever, do anything like that again.

Believe it or not, some people learn right away!

I say give him a break. Let him finish the job, without pay, and be on his way. With the money you save perhaps you can buy another unit.

Remember to err his human, to forgive is devine. Our problem is that we are all so "guy-shy" against people taking advantage of us, that we don't know which way to turn.

Forgive him!

Hugs, Devastated

I don't think it's codie to let him off the hook. I think it's just being human. Are you paying him for the job? Can you deduct what he would owe you from what you will pay him? Or, did you pay him up front? I wouldn't take all of his pay. I think that's a bit cruel, just enough to cover what he got for the thing.

I guess, being who I am, I'd just let it go and maybe try to strike a deal with him that he could pay you back over time, or do some additional work that you need done around your home to compensate. If he's willing to do that, then I'd call it even and let it go.

I have a 13 month old. I know how it feels to need things: diapers, food, etc.

I agree that what he did was wrong, but it sounds like more a mistake of immaturity and slight desperation than anything truly malicious.