Old 08-28-2008, 10:08 PM
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Wedding Band

When I married forty years ago, my husband gave me a simple wedding band, certainly nothing fancy, no diamonds, just a thin, gold band, On my 25th wedding anniversary he bought an anniversary ring. Because my aging knuckles are larger than they were in 1968, my original band was no longer comfortable. I placed my new ring on my finger and my original gold band in a small white ceramic container on my dresser.

I am a simple woman. I have never bought myself expensive “jewelry store” bangles, but for Christmas, anniversaries, and birthdays, my husband would buy me a special piece, not because I requested such items, but because he wanted to show his love. On these special days he would present me with a nice necklace, bracelet or earrings. Over our forty years of marriage, I had collected some nice pieces that I wore mostly for special occasions. Through the years I came to recognize the neatly wrapped boxes with my special gifts. I didn’t wear this jewelry that held sentimental value very often, but I loved each piece because it represented a precious tangible reminders of my husband’s love and affection.

Two nights ago, I opened my ceramic jewel box and my wedding band was missing. Admittedly, my mind is not a sharp as it was years ago, but after a moment’s contemplation, I thought that I had better check for my other jewelry pieces. I checked each box; not one piece of my nicer jewelry is left. Gone. All necklaces and bracelets are gone, traded, pawned, or sold to purchase drugs. My supposed RAS raided my jewelry box.

I wrote this note to remind everyone with an addict in the family that nothing sacred to a person who is hooked. They will lie to and steal from anyone.

I have been depressed, so sad and so sick at heart. I can hardly function. My jewelry is just stuff, but my heart is broken because each stolen item was lovingly selected and my trust was violated by my own son.

Addiction keeps on hurting. My counselor is on sick leave from work, I thought that writing of my painful experience might be therapeutic for me and helpful to someone else.

SR Friends, thanks for being here.
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Old 08-28-2008, 10:20 PM
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Oh my god...

Thank you for helping me to stay sober.
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Old 08-28-2008, 10:27 PM
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Oh wow. This just makes me so sick for you.
I am so sorry.
Have you thought about confronting him?
Maybe you can find the pawn shop and get it back?
Again, my thoughts are with you.
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Old 08-28-2008, 10:31 PM
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Oh I am so so sorry. My Mom has a special collection of jewelry also.

I am so sorry for your pain.
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Old 08-29-2008, 02:54 AM
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That's gotta hurt. I'm so sorry and hope you can retrieve at least some of it.

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Old 08-29-2008, 06:29 AM
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I'm so sorry.
My son did the same...I know how bad it hurts.
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Old 08-29-2008, 07:11 AM
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I'm so sorry. I could have taken it better had the house been broken into and someone had stole it all than knowing someone I loved so much could care so little for me to have taken it and sold it all for the almightly "high".

It sure does hurt. Hugs!
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Old 08-29-2008, 08:09 AM
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How awful. I'm so sorry. It just takes your breath away, I know.
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Old 08-29-2008, 09:23 AM
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oh crap, I'm so sorry, i too have some special pieces that would break my heart if they were taken,
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:09 AM
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I'm so sorry...I imagine you must feel so sad. My daughter did not ever go this far, but she did steal small amounts of money and raided the savings bonds that were supposed to be for her college education. Just that made me feel violated, so I imagine items with sentimental value would be much worse. I do hope you are able to recover, both the physical items and from the feelings this brings. Prayers that your son finds his way and is able to admit what he has done and make amends.
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Old 08-29-2008, 11:06 AM
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I'm sorry too.

My wedding band and 1 carat engagement ring was stolen from the bottom of my jewelry box, out of the box, several years ago. It a very painful reminder of what addicts are willing to do in order to get their drugs.

It's been nearly 4 years since it happened and it still makes me feel sad. I know that they were only material possessions but they symbolized something so important to me.

My ex still denies it. But if not him, then who... It doesn't matter I guess. I tell myself it was a learning experience and try to move on.

I'm sorry for your loss - even worse than the loss of the jewelry is probably the loss of trust in your son.

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Old 08-29-2008, 01:07 PM
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Oh I can feel your pain. My father was an alcoholic growing up. Needless to say I spent a lot of time at my grandma's. She was my angel. When she got older I spent my early twenties living with her. I sacrificed a lot. I did not do the things twenty year olds do being that I was taking care of her. I stayed with her until she went to heaven... My aunt moved into her home and threw many of her things out. So I really had nothing of hers to keep, except for a few pieces of jewelry. My addicted boyfriend pawned it for three hundred dollars. I was able to buy back some of it, but the rest is gone. I have one ring now... Though the ring is meaningless to me being that he pawned it. I keep it hidden and I never see it out of fear that he will break in and do it again. Even if I never see of hear from him again, there is always that fear. I might as well throw it out.
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Old 08-29-2008, 01:17 PM
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Oh I am so sorry that this happened. I imagine your heart hurts big time. And you're right, it's another example of just how desperate an addict can become. That's one of the things that reminds me it's a disease....

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Old 08-29-2008, 01:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Guinevere View Post
I have been depressed, so sad and so sick at heart. I can hardly function. My jewelry is just stuff, but my heart is broken because each stolen item was lovingly selected and my trust was violated by my own son.
Oh Guinevere, I am so, so sorry! Yes, something like this is painful and feelings of feeling violated very normal.

I know there are no words to say to bring comfort to this loss; however I can say this. Once I had a piece gone (was my grandmother's wedding ring studded with diamonds; very old), after fretting and getting upset and crying, I sat down (this just came over me at the time) and actually thanked that piece of jewelry for being in my life and bringing me as much joy as it did over the years; realizing I had it for a time and now that time has passed. You can't take away memories.

You say that it is just stuff - well, you're right. Things are here to us on loan during this time on the planet. My mom used to say, "it's only money, you can't take it with you". That sentence has come up in my mind often over the years. My mom is no longer here and it keeps a memory alive for me.

I do agree with one other poster (if you're up for it) - to contact pawn shops in the area and/or the police and make a report. The stolen items just might end up in the pawn shop. This might help to empower you as well. Just a thought.

I'm assuming this is a grown son??? Is he living with you? If he is, what are you going to do now? If he isn't, what are you going to do?

Wishing the best for you, clarity of mind and sanity during this time. :ghug3

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Old 08-29-2008, 02:26 PM
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This is so sad....all your years of memories and nice jewelry. Addiction is a real crime. Big hugs and smiles, Bonnie
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Old 08-29-2008, 03:01 PM
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Yes, it is sad and certainly hurts. My AD stole my diamond earrings that my hubby gave me for my 50th BD. Since that time my jewelry is now hidden. And if I'm going away, it all goes with me. My Naranon group got a kick because I told them that I took all my gems with me on our cruise.

Lucky for me, my AD got the earrings back for me about a year later. However, everything still goes with me.
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Old 08-29-2008, 03:01 PM
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Oh yeah, I agree with Scorpiogirl... Go to the local pawn shops and ask. Don't tell them anything about the police. They will not sell it back to you, nor tell you if they have it. Just say that you are willing to pay full price for it back. If they do have it, then you go out on your cell, and then call the police.... Sometimes the addict will tell you where the pawned it.
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Old 08-29-2008, 03:14 PM
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I hear ya. Addiction just sux...
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Old 08-29-2008, 05:22 PM
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My grandmother helped raise me & I always admired her engagement ring. When she passed it was given to me. I was going to have it sized to fit me but never got around to it. When my addicted son got engaged a few yrs ago I gave it to him to give to his fiancee. She had it in her drawer to get sized & when she went to get it oneday it was gone. My son took it & hocked it for crack.
I truly understand how you feel. I am so sorry.
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Old 08-30-2008, 11:09 AM
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i am so sorry about this. i had a special friend who gave me a gold chain when everyone was wearing them. it was very special to me because he had cancer & was dying. my a.s. sold it to the dealers. today the chain & my friend are both gone. i know your pain.
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