Trying not to get upset

Old 08-19-2008, 02:20 PM
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Trying not to get upset

My AH screwed up our finances soooo bad this year. Since I got sick with my bone disease, I let him take over the finances (before I knew he was addicted). Anyway, I took over the finances and in a matter of 4 weeks pretty much got all the bills fairly current. (prior everything was 3 months behind, including our mortgage and he did not pay our property taxes for 2007 to which they were beginning to put a lien on our home). So, I got mostly everything paid with a few bills just a few weeks behind and I made a payment plan on the back taxes.

But, then I got hit Friday with a $100 auto deduction I didn't know about for Ju-jitsu classes. I knew about him going to them before, but I didn't know for how much and he told me they were on hold for awhile. Well I had $175 for groceries this week and bam, there went $100 of it. I was so mad and I had asked him for all of the auto deductions and when (to write them down-still haven't got that, he just tells me.) So, I asked him to cancel and he says he signed a 2 year contract!!! Without asking me!! I am so mad! I didn't know the exact shape of our finances, but I am not a moron, and I knew something was up with the bill collectors calling. But he always said, next month we will be caught up, yada-yada.

So here I am doing everything to stay afloat and I had wanted to put $100 away each month for Xmas. But I can't with this $100 coming out for a excercise class he goes to every once in a blue moon. I want to start cutting expenses and here he is going to this stupid thing tonight that we can't afford. I can't help it, but it makes me angry. I keep seeing it as bill money or my son's Xmas money. And then he had the nerve to mention something about some online game for $20 a month. Are you kidding me? I am just getting so tired of the fact of his childishness. And what about me? My birthday is tomorrow and I am not getting anything. To be honest, I forgot it was birthday until this afternoon. I will be working on it and that night I have orientation at my son's school.

I can't help it. I feel bitter. I also had a few calls today from collectors. I had planned on paying the cell phone bill on Friday, but I just got a reminder that if I don't they will shut it off. So, my mind went in a tail spin and my stomach in knots. Like I said, I am doing everything I can to keep my head above the water and keep the wolf away from the door. I don't even know how I will pay next years property taxes (we don't have an escrow with our mortgage). I am sooo tired of being in a perpetual anxiety attack. I know, do the best with what you got. And I do. But it just irks me that he is so irresponsible and childish and he let things get this bad. And don't worry about him, he has Ju-Jitsu for 2 more years! Have a good time AH, I get library books you shmuck!

Sorry, I need that rant. And yeah, a real happy birthday to me. NOT!
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Old 08-19-2008, 02:33 PM
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You deserve the rant! You also deserve huge kudos for getting on top of your bills that fat! Good for you!
Okay, 2 questions...
#1 Have you called and talked to the jujitsu people and asked what the cancellation fee is? I personally would tell them about your bone disease and that you need the extra money to deal with other bills and ask how to get out of the contract.
#2 Is there something that HE can cut back on in order to pay HIS bill?
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Old 08-19-2008, 02:37 PM
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Does he have a job?
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Old 08-19-2008, 02:58 PM
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Angry answers

1. yep, he has a job. And we are still broke.

2. I have never gotten in a b*tch fest about it with him. I remain calm, but inside I am boiling.

3. We have talked about it a few times. He said he talked to them and there is nothing he can do. But I disagree, I think there has to be some sort of cancellation fee.

4. Not much else to cut.
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Old 08-19-2008, 04:55 PM
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Hey greeneyed,
I know how scary it can be to be behind financially. Sorry for the chaos.Take a breath, and one step at a time. Happy Birthday, kiddo! Do something for yourself (cheap that is)
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Old 08-19-2008, 07:06 PM
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Greeneyes- I would normally not suggest breaching a contract, but can you not call your bank and get the auto deduction stopped? I would do that and then call the place and apologize, but tell them you simply can't afford it and he won't be using their services anymore. If they really have the nerve to sue you for it (and I doubt they would) you can buy yourself some time, and if you already have creditors, they'll just have to get in line.

It's ridiculous they even let people sign up for a class like that two years in advance - total ploy to scr*w people, in my opinion.
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Old 08-19-2008, 08:18 PM
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Anvil, your ok. I didn't take it as you thought I WAS doing a bitchfest, I was just saying that when I did talk to him I was calm about it. And there was a budget loaded into a budgeting software program we had. But right now I am still in the phase of who we owe and who we don't. AH has only been out of rehab for about a week. Our son starts kindergarten on Monday and I have 3 orientations to go to for him (2 at his new school-1 for the school and another to meet the teacher, then one for his afterschool program), plus I have had my meetings, AH has had his meetings and last night, well honestly, I just collapsed. As you guys know, I am really sick physically and trying to cope with all of this. I emailed my boss and told her I was signing off an hour early, laid down on the sofa at 4 pm to "take a nap", when AH got home I went upstairs to "finish the nap" and slept all the way through till my alarm went off today. And I am still exhausted. My body is failing me. This is maybe why I get so angry at the drop of a hat.

I don't know, I am still such an emotional roller coaster. I am trying real hard though to stop. I have an appt. with a therapist on Friday. But on the good side, me and AH are getting along much better. But my sticking point is these finances as I am still dealing with the aftermath. On top of it all, I am backed up at work from taking time to see AH in rehab, etc. Things are just hard right now. But, like I said, AH and I are getting along quite well which is a good thing. Its just these dang resentments over the money right now.

I guess there is a part of me too that is throwing a pity party for myself over tomorrow being my birthday and it is just going to be another day. I got to work a little overtime and then rush off to a school orientation meeting. So, no presents, cards, cake again this year. (same as last year) But I guess a pity party is better than no party, hehe!

Boy, am I wallowing in it or what? LOL! I can't help it. I am feeling pretty crappy right now and I don't have the strenghth to lie about it. Maybe I can suck it up tomorrow, but today I prefer to wallow. Does that make sense?

I am even going to give myself my own birthday emoticon with a cake7!
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Old 08-20-2008, 05:26 AM
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just sending prayers & letting you know i care. i hope u find a way to get out of the contract. hugs,
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Old 08-20-2008, 06:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Chino View Post
Does he have a job?
That is a good question. Some of the most financially controlling men who spend money at the bar then XXXXX about money for food etc. are worthless bums who haven't worked for years while their wives slave away at minimum wage jobs. They're too lazy to earn it but sure know how to spend it.

When I got married, my husband assumed I'd add him to my credit cards, but surprise!! He had to get his own. We also had separate checking accounts and split the bills (including the morgage) right down the middle. It isn't conventional but it saved alot of fighting. We managed to find other things to fight about though.
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