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and the beat goes on....

Old 08-18-2008, 08:51 PM
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krhea75
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and the beat goes on....

So my son got out of jail, being told by his PO that he was given a chance and he needed to be grateful. This weekend my ex opened his bank statement and found that he had been spending all of his paycheck on booze. He has been openly buying alcohol from a liquor store and he's only 18! He's done it more than once. As a matter of fact, he went out the day after he got out of jail and bought some booze.

The good thing is that his dad and I are in agreement on this FINALLY! We talked to him together. We closed his checking account and told him he would have to turn his paycheck over to us. No more late nights. He is signed up for college this fall and will keep working his job. And if he doesn't screw up, he will have a place to stay. If he screws up, there will be no bed at either house. We will go to the PO with the proof that he has been buying alcohol.

Now I know in my heart he won't be able to make this. He is an addict. He has no control, the addiction does. I am preparing for the fact that he will be in jail. As you all know, I have struggled with this. But I am coming to terms with it. I expect he'll comply for about 3 days. Then payday will happen and all hell will break loose.

In the meantime, I am starting school and trying to be normal. Actually, I'm glad to go to work. It gives me a place where I feel like I can do something right.
Anyway, prayers are needed friends. That I can be strong. That I can follow through. That God will hold my little boy in his hands.

when I start to feel sad, I think: Every time he went in to that store and bought liquor,he was breaking a law. He should be in jail for a long time for all that he has done. He continuously has broken the laws. He has been given chance after chance and he has thumbed his nose at the law. it is time for him to pay the price.

krhea
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Old 08-18-2008, 08:57 PM
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krhea

You are absolutely doing the right thing. You seem so clear headed - way more than me when my addict got out.

I have come to the same conclusion. My niece's hearing is Wednesday. She has been on probation for a year and was doing and selling drugs the whole time. I am hoping she gets some significant time. I think it may be the only way she can stay away from meth long enough to start thinking straight.

I know the pain you must have gone through to get to this point. Your son is so young - I pray that somehow he sees the light sooner rather than later.

Love and Prayers for all of you.
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Old 08-18-2008, 10:44 PM
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It was simpler for me when I thought about it being someone ELSE and not my kid. Somehow I still wanted to make excuses for my own child.

Adult choices mean adult consequences. It's really that simple. You can explain it to him very matter of fact... setting boundaries in order for him to live with you is totally acceptable.

My son had to challenge the boundaries and he had to leave for awhile. When he came back there were ~once again ~ clearly defined boundaries and consequences. He was able to live with me once we both understood I meant business.
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Old 08-19-2008, 01:05 AM
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:praying
for you and your son....
You're right, it is very unlikely he'll be able to comply. It's hard when we know how the disease works to the point where we can't fool ourselves anymore - all part of surrender I guess.
School will be good for you, I think. whenever I can focus on something else, its a good thing!
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Old 08-19-2008, 02:39 AM
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Even though he is only 18 I wouldn't blame the liquor store for selling to him. I mean he did have the money right? That's what they care about. Your son seems like he doesn't want to stop and that is his right. The consequences will follow him soon enough. I guess I might be blunt but your son doesn't want to stop! Buying booze at 18 does not make him a criminal. According to the law yes it does but according to common sense no.
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Old 08-19-2008, 05:55 AM
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i found a receipt once where my AS not-of-age son had used his debit card to buy booze...that receipt had his name on it...

There is no end to enablers in this world we live in. what makes a person with addiction want to change comes from within in - not because they ran out of enablers. Having said that, we as family play a pivotal role in either helping the addiction survive or helping it die... family members are a particularly, singularly powerful set of people in the addict's life.

I pray that we all today, as family members, interact with our addicted loved ones in a way that causes their addiction to die a little bit today.
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Old 08-19-2008, 06:06 AM
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Good thoughts, friends. I appreciate all your input. Tiburon, I know that he is not ready to quit, but I also know that the liquor store has a responsibility to check ID's. My son is an older looking 18 year old, so I can see it happening maybe once. But many times, there has to have been at least one employee that did his job.

I beg to differ that he is not a criminal. He is. His addiction, his unability to stop has led him to do some things that are criminal. He will pay the price, and I am ready to let go and let it happen. After 5-6 stays in rehab, a stay in a sober recovery house and countless counseling sessions, I feel that consequences will speak louder than rehab right now. Then maybe rehab will make more sense to him.

Thanks all for the support this a.m. I am off to school!
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Old 08-19-2008, 09:14 AM
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Krhea, You sure sound solid now, I feel so good for you comming so far now. I guess when get to a certain point you know you have had it. And happy to hear ex is working with you...amazing when things go right huh?
I agree with your thinking and I so hope your right. Hugs and prayers to you...And please stay positive and strong like now...
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Old 08-19-2008, 09:19 AM
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(((Krhea)))

I think you're doing GREAT!!!

Several liquor stores have been fined (a LOT) for selling to minors. He is breaking the law, thinks he can get away with it, and he will find out the hard way. That's the only way most of us addicts learn our lessons.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 08-19-2008, 11:09 AM
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your recovery is sounding good and strong. Know you are in my prayers.
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Old 08-19-2008, 12:19 PM
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You are doing the right thing. At 18 he is an adult, let him take the consequences of his own actions.
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Old 08-19-2008, 12:27 PM
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Just wondering. Do you suppose he might be using a fake ID? In our area, clerks are very vigilant about checking ID's for alcohol and tobacco.
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Old 08-19-2008, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by krhea75 View Post
That God will hold my little boy in his hands.
krhea
I use this exact visual many times...

I imagine myself placing my beautiful baby or innocent little boy into the hands of my son's HP

the hardest part is letting go after I put him there!...
I always want to take him back when things do not seem to be happening as I wish or as fast as I wish

you are in my prayers...

(((mom hugs)))
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Old 08-19-2008, 12:56 PM
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I think it is helpful to remember that it doesn't have to be an earth shattering crisis that makes the alcoholic seek help. My brother in law was really bad off but what turned him is seeing a new outfit his wife has laid out on the bed so she could go job hunting. For some reason that hit him. No threats or big scenes from her- she just did what she thought she should do under the circumstances.
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Old 08-19-2008, 01:17 PM
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We can only hope for the best and live with the rest. But take care of yourself and know that someday your son will know what dealing with consequences are~~ take care and smiles, Bonnie
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Old 08-20-2008, 06:42 AM
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you have my prayers. pray forthe best,expect the worse. take care of you & know we are here for you. hugs,
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