!#$%!!!! (swearing!) Is the honeymoon over already?

Old 08-17-2008, 01:16 PM
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!#$%!!!! (swearing!) Is the honeymoon over already?

Ok, I know, I know. I am not suppose to have expectations. But I can't help it. AH has been home from rehab for 5 days now. He isn't using (that is the positive that I am clinging to.) But he all the stuff he told me on how it was going to be when he gets home is crap.

Like I said, its been 5 days and although he set up his sponser before he left, he hasn't called him yet. He said he had meetings set up 3 times a week. He hasn't went to one. All he wants to do is sleep all day! I bought flowers and I needed help digging up weedy dirt in my flower bed yesterday. I had to prod him to do it (even though he offered to do it when we bought the flowers) and then he says he strained his back while doing it and is whining. Yesterday he gets all excited about going to church today and says how he wants to go, then I have to keep telling him to get up like a kid. He is worse than my 5 yr old. Actually worse, my 5 yr. old is easier to deal with.

Like I said, I know I am not suppose to have expectations. But do I have to live with a grown baby too? I am beginning to feel like yeah, he did great in rehab because they coddled his butt. He didn't have to do any housework or be in the "real world". He just focused on his self.

Sorry for the rant. But I just feel like I can't do this anymore. I have had it with the empty promises.

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Old 08-17-2008, 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl39 View Post
I am beginning to feel like yeah, he did great in rehab because they coddled his butt. He didn't have to do any housework or be in the "real world". He just focused on his self.
The difference is that he had to get up and actually work recovery or get kicked out. If you require the same thing you will have to let him know that and actually mean it, be prepared to give him the boot. If that isn't your cup of tea, the alternative is probably more of what is going on now.

The choice of how he will live his life is his and the same goes for us on this side.

Hugs to you, I know it's frustrating.
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:59 PM
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Breathe Breathe!!!!!!!

When my guy came home from rehab...... I only expected one thing. For him to not lie to me EVER about anything. It is true about expectations - they really are just future resentments.

As much as we would like for it to be like a magic pill when they come and they are fixed - but the truth of the matter - is that they aren't. There is a lot of work to be done on their side of the street, so to speak.

I would highly HIGHLY recommend finding an al-anon meeting.

He still is in the addict mentality.... and the PAWS can last an entire year..... now.... is he using? Probably not - but those pain killers... they do take a long time to get out of your system.

I know all too well about how you are feeling .... and yes it is a honeymoon period for real - when you talk with him try to come from a place of calm - trying to remain rational in an irrational situation. Ask him what it is that he feels that he needs to keep him clean..... maybe less "honey dos"? Maybe he does need lots of sleep? My guy was sleeping all the time - but he was also going to meetings. And I just figured that he would get sick and tired of being tired all of the time and would eventually get up and do more. But he didn't - he went right back out and got on the pills to help him do more! I feel as though I did everything right by not nagging at him (aside from inviting him to family / friend functions)..... and allowing him to do what he needed to do for his recovery. But that still didn't stop him from going back out. I'm not saying that is what's going to happen with your husband, but what I'm trying to say is that - you have a think about what you want .... and just look after you and your child.

Welcome to the recovery roller coaster.... it can be and is most likely different than the addiction one. Stay honest with him and most importantly you.

Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean.
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:22 PM
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Oh... and another thing. Try not to take it personally. He has wonderful intentions of doing all these things. But like everyone, there are going to be good days and then there are going be bad days.

Keep communicating.
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl39 View Post

But do I have to live with a grown baby too?
It's your choice to or not.

Give this more time and see how it plays out.
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Old 08-17-2008, 04:42 PM
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GE - The same thing happened with my AH when he got out of his first rehab. He talked a great talk when in there, but living in the real life was a different thing. I agree with OTL give this more time to see how it plays out, but be prepared for more of the same unless you put your foot down. Also, read chino's signature line - great line. Hang in there and keep talking here.
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:21 PM
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Are you banking your happiness on his actions?
Do you belong to a recovery program?

Just curious.....its a family disease, not just his.
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:59 PM
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Thanks for the replies

I am definitely hanging in there, don't get me wrong. And my group doesn't meet until Monday night (Al-Anon). We did go to his rehab today and I think it grounded him again. Everyone was asking him questions like, so what have you been doing, what meetings are you attending, etc. and he was stammering a bit. Saying how he just needed to catch up on sleep before getting back in the swing of things. I hope so. But I know that I can only control my behavior. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't get ticked once in a while. Its just a knee-jerk reaction to the years of lies. I gotta work on that.

On a good note, we had a really good time there. I am really looking forward to my meeting tomorrow night and am glad I went to church. I have also now finished 2 of my books (Codepency No More and Addict in the Family). I am now starting the Big Book in preparation for tomorrow nights meeting.

And you are right. This is a roller coaster.
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Old 08-18-2008, 09:17 AM
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My RAH went through a similar period. It was so frustrating, especially when I had a newborn to take care of (all by myself, I might add.) You just want to kick them in the butt, don't you.

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