Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Rescuing Ourselves

No one likes a martyr.

How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.

Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.

It is our job to notice our abilities, our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.

It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.

It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.

Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering. Our pain will not stop when a rescuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.

Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

When I read this, years ago, I knew it to be true but I didn't know how, I didn't know where to begin.

What worked for me was to find a meeting and make myself go. I didn't want to go, I was angry that I needed a meeting when he was the one with a problem...until I took a good look at myself and realized that my problem was "me".

I found a good meeting and made a commitment to myself to keep going until something kicked in for me or until I found something else to replace it. The first three meetings, all I did was cry, I couldn't get a single word out but everyone there understood and handed me tissues, and I listened. I listened to stories from people whose lives were worse than mine and yet they seemed to be at peace. I wanted what they had, even though I didn't know what it was at the time.

Thanks to a wonderful sponsor who was patient with me, I learned what the 12 Steps meant, learned how to work them in my life and I began to grow.

It took time, it took work, but one day I realized that I had just endured 24 hours without sadness or pain, that I had actually had a good day....something I had not experienced in a very long time. I knew there was hope, even for a hopeless codie like me, and I have never looked back.

I came into recovery living in the problem and today I live in the solution with gratitude for every moment of peace.

Hugs