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Old 08-14-2008, 05:24 PM
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Why

Ok I can kind of understand an addict stealing, selling their stuff doing anything to get money to buy more drugs. But I can't understand why after going for months without they would start again. Why would you do that ? I mean they've had time to get the drugs out of their systems an for their brains to start working again. So they know all the pain an suffering their drug use has cause themselves, their family friends etc. So WHY start it all again ? Why would you want to get sucked into that kind of life all over again, I just don't understand.
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Old 08-14-2008, 05:28 PM
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That is why they call it a cunning and baffling illness. Trying to understand the whys will just drive you crazy. That is why meetings are so important for both the addict and the family. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-14-2008, 05:34 PM
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Originally Posted by lostparent View Post
Ok I can kind of understand an addict stealing, selling their stuff doing anything to get money to buy more drugs. But I can't understand why after going for months without they would start again. Why would you do that ? I mean they've had time to get the drugs out of their systems an for their brains to start working again. So they know all the pain an suffering their drug use has cause themselves, their family friends etc. So WHY start it all again ? Why would you want to get sucked into that kind of life all over again, I just don't understand.
There's usually a 'reason' someone starts and if there isn't a reason, there becomes a reason once they start. If you don't get to your issues, get help,
figure out what is going on, figure out why you used in the first places, odds
are high your going to use again. Using drugs makes you feel good for a long time, for me personally anyway. Of course I miss that feeling. We tend to remember the good parts.
It takes years sometimes for our brains to heal, so you shouldn't really count on that, especially with meth it puts holes in your brain.

Staying in recovery requires a lot of effort.

That's my experience.


:ghug2
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Old 08-14-2008, 05:39 PM
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I totally agree with Marle! You have to work to stay clean, abstinence is only a small part of recovery. Meetings and an Intensive Outpatient are the only thing that gave me the tools to stay sober. It doesn't make sense I know, try to understand that without lots of help and work the addiction will find a way back in.
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Old 08-14-2008, 06:07 PM
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I know I asked myself the same thing. When I read here that people relapsed after years of being clean I really was scared thinking about my ad and almost felt what is the point. But then you read post like Done with it and it makes sense. No guarantees in anything, I only hope my ad keeps doing as good as she is and that I can only deal with one day at a time.
I do notice since she started this other place with meetings she is like so happy to go there and talks about it when she comes home like she just is all energized from the people. It is a shame that sometimes one cannot find a good group they are comfortable with because I see the difference in her attitude compared to the other two meetings she goes too.
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Old 08-14-2008, 06:52 PM
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I am not a doctor or a therapist or an addict but my personal opinion would be that there are underlying issues that he is refusing to deal with. It seems that most people that become addicted to alcohol or substances use as a means to cope with something greater - something they are afraid to face and use normal means to cope with. I'm not sure if this helps - I could be way off base but I know with my boyfriend, he is in this situation because he didn't know how to deal with his emotional pain/depression.
Good luck with your loved one - I will keep you in my prayers.
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:37 PM
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I think it is true about not being able to deal with life. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING stresses my daughter out. Even painting her toenails becomes an ordeal for her. When she was using she could just escape into the world of drugs until the consequences made it too painful for her to continue. It is in the remembering how tough life was using that helps to keep some clean. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:28 PM
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Don't Worry. Be Happy. Get High.

I think this is fast becoming our national anthem.
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:32 PM
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When my daughter was in jail an I knew she wasn't using she whined an stressed out about everything too, she still does. But before drugs she was a happy go lucky kind of kid, very outspoken but also easy going. She said she started using just for the fun of it cause it was something different. Just seems like once they were clean they would realize the drugs didn't work an seek another way to deal with what life brings.
An something that scares me is how do we stop the kids from growing up an using drugs. Apparently what we did with our daughter didn't work, so how do I stop history from repeating itself? Guess I really am a lost parent.
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:43 PM
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sweetie, her using has nothing to do with how she was raised. Her sister HATES drugs, right? They were raised together? You said, yourself, she said she just started it to do "something different"...me, too. Unfortunately, we became addicts.

Although I have no kids, I am trying to figure out how to keep my niece from becoming an addict (she's my stepsister's daughter, so not blood related, but every relative on both her mom and dad's sides have had problems with addiction). What has helped is her seeing me struggle so hard to get my life back. Kids think they're invincible, nothing bad will happen to THEM!

I think she isn't done yet and hasn't hit bottom. I also believe what was said above...once we get used to NOT feeling anything, it's really hard to learn how to deal with life clean again. Hard, but not impossible.

She's young, and she thinks she can "handle it". Unfortunately, her time in jail was not enough to make her hit bottom. I'm sorry.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 08-15-2008, 03:21 PM
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We go back because we are addicts and though we get some clean time under our belts that doesn't mean we are cured. Cunning and deceiving run deep and generally the parasite in our brain tells us we can just do one line, take one hit, pop one pill ... we can do it this time and not get all caught up like before, but it is a lie from the pit of hell that some of us fall for over and over and over again... much to the grief of our loved ones.

When actively using there is a voice that screams to be feed .. it is loud and unbearable.. the addict will do anything to shut it up ... and when we get into recovery same voice just a different approach... all in all it is just the addiction screaming to be fed.

Relapse is part of recovery ... lessons can be learned during these times, triggers can be identified and can be used to strengthen a person in the recovery process.
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Old 08-15-2008, 04:44 PM
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Oh my god I ask myself that same question every minute of every day, if we only knew why then we would be able to help them. Unfortunatly thanks to all the great and supportive people here i came to realize that it is them that need to realize why, not us. It may never happen but I only hope and pray. My son keeps on going back always after 3 months of being clean. It is the absolute worst illnes I can ever imagine and I have to believe that God is watching out for them because my son would not be alive right now if there wasnt a reason for him to be here. Stay strong and go to meetings they are a lifesaver.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:49 PM
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You have received some wonderful responses here. I just had to share a couple things...

I got sober off of meth 14 years ago and have never gone back BUT after some years under my belt I decided I could drink alcohol. Why??

Well I like what the Big Book says, that none of us likes to think of ourselves as different from our fellows. I did not want to be different so I set out to prove I could drink like everyone else...turns out I can't.

Second, today I have been sober for 99 days. The obsession has been lifted and I have not thought about drinking without remebering everything and where it took me, so I have not been tempted. Today, I had a car accident. My fault, stupid, careless, avoidable and expensive. I felt/feel like such a screw up and my disease JUMPED on all of this negative self talk. It was not long before I was thinking, what is the use, I might as well drink. I wanted to stop feeling SO bad. Then I found all kinds of others things to be depressed about. I lost my Dad unexpectedly in March. I stared grieving for him, that I could not call him, etc. Then I called my sponsor and she did not answer. So I sat and made myself play out the entire day and weekend if I went out right then and bought a bottle of wine. Then I thought what my sponsor would say if I had talked to her. She would say the same thing she always says "Don't pick up no matter f***ing what!" So I hit my knees, did not pick up and it is a little over an hour before I have 100 days

So my POINT is that I almost used because something happened that made me feel badly about myself, and my head and my disease RAN with it. I almost drank to escape the feeling I did not want to feel. Does that make sense?
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Old 08-16-2008, 12:03 AM
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Don't take the blame for your AD disease of addiction or relapse. It is wasted energy and nonproductive.

When she relapses it is important to stay strong in your own recovery efforts so that
you don't relapse yourself by forgetting that you didn't cause it, can't cure it or control it. Detach enough to stay positive in your own life.

Addicts come from all kinds of homes and all kinds of parents.
Addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer.
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Old 08-16-2008, 03:12 AM
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It hurts to see the drama begin again, it's scary to not know what will happen now. I asked myself "Why?" a hundred times a day and never did get any good answer except that addiction is baffling, cunning and powerful.

Sending big hugs for you and prayers for your daughter
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Old 08-16-2008, 05:05 AM
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quote :I miss that feeling. We tend to remember the good parts.
what i don't understand is what the good times are. feeling bad, getting hand cuffed & drug to jail like a dog? being locked up in prison for yrs???? what are they? after any clean time i do not understand & never will.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:43 AM
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addiction is baffling, cunning and powerful.
I'm beginning to see what is meant by that statement. Thanks for all the responses. TTOSBT thanks the the insight as to how it was or is for you. Glad you were strong enough to fight it stay strong.
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Old 08-16-2008, 07:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Spiritual Seeker View Post

Addicts come from all kinds of homes and all kinds of parents.
Addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer.
so true!
I have to remind myself of that so many times...
whenever a case of the "why me? why him? why us??" hits!

thanks for timely reminder
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Old 08-16-2008, 07:58 AM
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oops!
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:00 AM
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sometimes life is so life that the ONLY thing that sounds good right then is to disappear. Anyone that has ever used addictively knows that there is a substance that can take you away immediately. The "addict" that lurks within ONLY reminds you of the relief of using and nothing else. Sometimes his voice is just louder than anything else being said. A moment of not feeling (boredom, issues, problems, etc) seems like extremely blessed relief. After awhile the newness of recovery wears off. People start saying the same things in meetings and it can get boring. You want to believe that you are better so you end up thinking that you are better. You think "just one" would be okay......if I do it this way I can control it. It is just weary-ing to live sometimes and normal just seems empty compared to using. Can you tell that I am in relapse mode? I am. I haven't "gone back out" but it sure sounds good to me these days. The promises haven't come true for me and I've worked a really strong program and done the deal.

I don't know if this explanation helps you at all. Addiction doesn't make sense so I guess I shouldn't expect anything that I have said to have made sense.
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