OT - good news!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
OT - good news!
First of all, I apologize if this is long, but I wanted to share with my "moms" (okay, so I'm the same age or older than most of you, but you know)
I went to court yesterday morning on tickets I'd gotten when I was using...mostly loitering, one open-container, and a pandering (basically, the same as prostitution but not as severe a fine).
I had to be there at 8, got "added on" and had no idea what my tickets actually totaled..had been told $1500-$1600 (turns out it was WAY more).
I was calm at first, but after hearing several people get "contempt of court" fines added, got nervous. I repeated the words "dignity and grace" that I've learned from another RA here, and prayed that God let me deal with whatever happened.
When I was finally called, the judge had a LOT of tickets. He said "2004 wasn't a good year for you" and I said "no sir, I was on crack". He apparently didn't hear the "crack" part. A minute later he said "did you have a drug problem". I said "yes sir, I was on crack and I was an idiot".
He said "what about now". I told him I'd been locked up for 6 months and had been clean for 3 years. Okay, I know this is a lie, but when I thought of it later, even with my occasional "dabbling" at first, and my relapse, I HAVE been clean for all but, maybe 20 days, and I don't see any need to shoot myself in the foot about that!
He leaned back, crossed his arms and said "so, why, after all this time, are you here today". I said "I've been trying to save money for these tickets. I have $1000 and would like to make payment arrangements on the rest. Your honor, I'm trying to straighten up my life and pay my debts".
He talked to the clerk, and she told him the open-container would get my license suspended (even though I was WALKING)
He said "I'm putting a $200 fine on 5 tickets, no court costs, and the rest are dismissed. $1000 and you're done". I said "thank you very much" and walked out.
When I finally got to the window to pay, he hadn't WRITTEN "no court costs" so I still owe $451. But while she was checking, I saw THREE PAGES of tickets he had dismissed. It wasn't until I got in my car that I counted it up, and he had dismissed $2200!!!
I will NOT worry about the $451. She gave me 'til Nov. to pay it and said that as long as I'm making an effort, if I can't pay it all, call her and she will "work it out".
I called dad, who's response was "HOLY SH!T" and then "I'm so proud of you!!". Called Anvilhead and sent her to work with a big smile, and called my aunt who was in tears, she was so happy and proud of me.
I no longer have to worry about a warrant out on me (the tickets had "WANTED" stamped on them all". He dismissed the open-container, so my driver's license is secure.
I left there, and went to my lawyer's office, which was right down the road. He drafted a letter to the court about getting me off of probation and getting the felony corrected to first-offender, and I was impressed! He also said we could go back to the judge about the $451, but I told him "I'm guilty of every one of those tickets, and way more. He did me a huge favor and I'm grateful. I'll pay the $451".
I was 5 miles from my old "hood". I left Bill's office and followed him to my old AA noon meeting. The topic was "staying in the here and now"...very appropriate
I had worried about how to pay the $451, but figured it out and it's only $35/week and I can do that.
Work has been improving and my boss is now okay with me working overtime. I am working a double on Sat. and I'm almost back to making the same I was, before the schedule change, even though it's more hours. This, after I shot off my mouth about someone with the same title, making more...I SHOULD have been fired, but I wasn't.
I am very, very grateful today. I couldn't wait to get home to post here, but was totally exhausted...haven't slept much in 2 days and had this overwhelming sense of relief.
I do want to say this, though, because I think it's important.
Four years ago, and even 17 months ago, when I relapsed, I was really, really bad. I didn't bathe, wore the same clothes for days/weeks, and I thought of NOTHING but getting high. I was jumping in cars with strange men to support my habit.
I stopped because I got sick and tired of it, but a large part of that was because my consequences were "ganging up on me". I had people who love/support me, but WILL NOT support me using. I was forced to deal with it on my own.
Today, I'm proud of myself because I DID THIS!! Of course, I had a lot of moral support, but I worked, I saved the money.
Please, let your addicts fall. Not only is it the best way of them hitting bottom, but it gives them a HUGE boost of self confidence when they work recovery and take care of their own consequences. Never give up hope, but when you "help them out", aka "enable", you're taking away their chance to feel proud of themselves, when they do the right thing.
I love you all!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I went to court yesterday morning on tickets I'd gotten when I was using...mostly loitering, one open-container, and a pandering (basically, the same as prostitution but not as severe a fine).
I had to be there at 8, got "added on" and had no idea what my tickets actually totaled..had been told $1500-$1600 (turns out it was WAY more).
I was calm at first, but after hearing several people get "contempt of court" fines added, got nervous. I repeated the words "dignity and grace" that I've learned from another RA here, and prayed that God let me deal with whatever happened.
When I was finally called, the judge had a LOT of tickets. He said "2004 wasn't a good year for you" and I said "no sir, I was on crack". He apparently didn't hear the "crack" part. A minute later he said "did you have a drug problem". I said "yes sir, I was on crack and I was an idiot".
He said "what about now". I told him I'd been locked up for 6 months and had been clean for 3 years. Okay, I know this is a lie, but when I thought of it later, even with my occasional "dabbling" at first, and my relapse, I HAVE been clean for all but, maybe 20 days, and I don't see any need to shoot myself in the foot about that!
He leaned back, crossed his arms and said "so, why, after all this time, are you here today". I said "I've been trying to save money for these tickets. I have $1000 and would like to make payment arrangements on the rest. Your honor, I'm trying to straighten up my life and pay my debts".
He talked to the clerk, and she told him the open-container would get my license suspended (even though I was WALKING)
He said "I'm putting a $200 fine on 5 tickets, no court costs, and the rest are dismissed. $1000 and you're done". I said "thank you very much" and walked out.
When I finally got to the window to pay, he hadn't WRITTEN "no court costs" so I still owe $451. But while she was checking, I saw THREE PAGES of tickets he had dismissed. It wasn't until I got in my car that I counted it up, and he had dismissed $2200!!!
I will NOT worry about the $451. She gave me 'til Nov. to pay it and said that as long as I'm making an effort, if I can't pay it all, call her and she will "work it out".
I called dad, who's response was "HOLY SH!T" and then "I'm so proud of you!!". Called Anvilhead and sent her to work with a big smile, and called my aunt who was in tears, she was so happy and proud of me.
I no longer have to worry about a warrant out on me (the tickets had "WANTED" stamped on them all". He dismissed the open-container, so my driver's license is secure.
I left there, and went to my lawyer's office, which was right down the road. He drafted a letter to the court about getting me off of probation and getting the felony corrected to first-offender, and I was impressed! He also said we could go back to the judge about the $451, but I told him "I'm guilty of every one of those tickets, and way more. He did me a huge favor and I'm grateful. I'll pay the $451".
I was 5 miles from my old "hood". I left Bill's office and followed him to my old AA noon meeting. The topic was "staying in the here and now"...very appropriate
I had worried about how to pay the $451, but figured it out and it's only $35/week and I can do that.
Work has been improving and my boss is now okay with me working overtime. I am working a double on Sat. and I'm almost back to making the same I was, before the schedule change, even though it's more hours. This, after I shot off my mouth about someone with the same title, making more...I SHOULD have been fired, but I wasn't.
I am very, very grateful today. I couldn't wait to get home to post here, but was totally exhausted...haven't slept much in 2 days and had this overwhelming sense of relief.
I do want to say this, though, because I think it's important.
Four years ago, and even 17 months ago, when I relapsed, I was really, really bad. I didn't bathe, wore the same clothes for days/weeks, and I thought of NOTHING but getting high. I was jumping in cars with strange men to support my habit.
I stopped because I got sick and tired of it, but a large part of that was because my consequences were "ganging up on me". I had people who love/support me, but WILL NOT support me using. I was forced to deal with it on my own.
Today, I'm proud of myself because I DID THIS!! Of course, I had a lot of moral support, but I worked, I saved the money.
Please, let your addicts fall. Not only is it the best way of them hitting bottom, but it gives them a HUGE boost of self confidence when they work recovery and take care of their own consequences. Never give up hope, but when you "help them out", aka "enable", you're taking away their chance to feel proud of themselves, when they do the right thing.
I love you all!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
That is great news for sure Amy.
I am so happy for you. And dam proud too!!
I second the letting them fall. Thats basically what it took for me too.
And it does feel so so soooooo good to pick myself back up and suffer in a good way to get me back.
I am so happy for you. And dam proud too!!
I second the letting them fall. Thats basically what it took for me too.
And it does feel so so soooooo good to pick myself back up and suffer in a good way to get me back.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Amy!!! WOOT WOOT! That is wonderful news! Thank you so much for sharing... I was thinking about your ticket situation. What a relief
Thank you for sharing about the "letting them fall" ..... and parts of your story. It really is so darn hard to do, but I see that it has to be done.
MWAH xoxox
Thank you for sharing about the "letting them fall" ..... and parts of your story. It really is so darn hard to do, but I see that it has to be done.
MWAH xoxox
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Thank you for sharing the wonderful news!
It is such an inspiring message...
there has been a recurring theme in many threads indicating that the "enabler" is unknowingly doing more harm than help...
it is true and your message helps reinforce that fact
Congratulations!!
It is such an inspiring message...
there has been a recurring theme in many threads indicating that the "enabler" is unknowingly doing more harm than help...
it is true and your message helps reinforce that fact
Congratulations!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: on to bigger & better things
Posts: 4,122
Way to go Amy.....what a deal!
I'm proud of you for doing what you've been doing.
I had similar things happen when and since I've been clean. A couple of tickets dismissed, some I had way low pmts set up on and also a theft charge was dismissed once!!
It's a good feeling to be doing the right things....
I'm proud of you for doing what you've been doing.
I had similar things happen when and since I've been clean. A couple of tickets dismissed, some I had way low pmts set up on and also a theft charge was dismissed once!!
It's a good feeling to be doing the right things....
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Amy I'm proud of you your doing a great job and things are turning around. Without your strength and determination to do the right things, things could have been alot worse. Your a shinning example of what good recovery and strength can do to a person. WOO HOO!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, I am very happy to hear you are clean and I am blessed by all your wisdom posts on other threads... But this makes me cry, the addict seems to always get a break for thier mishaps, and yet I will never get the bill collector telling me, "Oh, you left the drug addict who took your money, well then take off a few hundred."... I will never see my grandma's jewelry, my tuition money... I am in such a depressive state...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
Today, I'm proud of myself because I DID THIS!! Of course, I had a lot of moral support, but I worked, I saved the money.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Littlebird)))
I understand how you feel. The man who introduced ME to crack, sold everything I owned..my dead mother's wedding ring, the bedroom furniture I had had since I was 17, and refinished it myself, my great-grandmother's antique table, etc. To this day, I don't own one piece of furniture. All I have left of working for 30 years is the momentos that couldn't sell for crack. He also stole over $1000 from me, as did the next crack addict I hooked up with.
Also, the bills I am paying TODAY were because I walked away from them 5 years ago. The bill collectors don't care WHY I didn't pay...they want their money. One credit card was a JOINT card, and my XABF (a functioning alcoholic with a lot of money) doesn't have to pay a cent.
I see it as a lesson we all have to learn, and I've learned it from both sides of the fence! If I had ended the relationships the FIRST TIME they stole from me, I would be in much better shape. But I didn't. I kept believing their lies and putting up with it. The one thing I never did was steal from anyone (except my family's peace of mind). No one deserves it but it happens.
I DO understand, and I had a tremendous amount of anger for a long time. I've finally realized that there's nothing I can do about it but not ever let it happen again.
Yes, I did get a break. But I went in there, full prepared to pay for everything, no matter how long it took.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I understand how you feel. The man who introduced ME to crack, sold everything I owned..my dead mother's wedding ring, the bedroom furniture I had had since I was 17, and refinished it myself, my great-grandmother's antique table, etc. To this day, I don't own one piece of furniture. All I have left of working for 30 years is the momentos that couldn't sell for crack. He also stole over $1000 from me, as did the next crack addict I hooked up with.
Also, the bills I am paying TODAY were because I walked away from them 5 years ago. The bill collectors don't care WHY I didn't pay...they want their money. One credit card was a JOINT card, and my XABF (a functioning alcoholic with a lot of money) doesn't have to pay a cent.
I see it as a lesson we all have to learn, and I've learned it from both sides of the fence! If I had ended the relationships the FIRST TIME they stole from me, I would be in much better shape. But I didn't. I kept believing their lies and putting up with it. The one thing I never did was steal from anyone (except my family's peace of mind). No one deserves it but it happens.
I DO understand, and I had a tremendous amount of anger for a long time. I've finally realized that there's nothing I can do about it but not ever let it happen again.
Yes, I did get a break. But I went in there, full prepared to pay for everything, no matter how long it took.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Aww Amy - you just brought tears to my eyes girl. You are SUCH a good person. You are so helpful to EVERYONE here. That goodness that you're putting out to the universe is coming back to you! I think you should be very proud of yourself! Hugs to you!
WHAT GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!! You most certainly deserved a break!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Amy~~Today you are a strong, responsible women and your story was so uplifting to hear. There is a chance so many addicts can get clean and be proud!!! Enjoy life and thanks God~~~you were let off by the caring judge you stood in front of. Smiles, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Amy have I told you today how very proud of you I am? And how glad I am that you got clean and came to SR?
Well---- I Am SOOOOO proud of you, so happy that you changed your life got clean and came to SR!!!!!
HUGS!!!:ghug3
Well---- I Am SOOOOO proud of you, so happy that you changed your life got clean and came to SR!!!!!
HUGS!!!:ghug3
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
THANKS FOR SHARING THAT AMY!!!I could relate to the pride that you have for doing the right thing and it being recognized. Over the past three years, I have done so much to clean up my side of the street so to speak. We both have taken chances by being honest, but we did it anyway because we knew it was the right thing to do. You could have very easily had things go the opposite way. The judge could have gotten on you for taking so long to come to court on these tickets instead of seeing that you had saved up that money to own up to what you did and be responsible for your actions.
This is a perfect example of the Blessings that are bestowed upon us when we do the right thing. Instead of thinking about the money it is going to cost you, you looked at what it could have cost you . . . it could have cost you your life. You know that. Early in my Recovery I began doing a little thing I like to call "flip it." When a situation is going a certain way, a way I in the past always looked at negatively, I can flip it around and find the silver lining in just about every cloud. This drives my Mom nuts! She'll complain about how much a medicine costs and I tell her to be grateful that she can afford it and that there even is a medicine to treat the medical condition. I can look at my own health problems and feel sorry for myself if I choose to, but instead I'm grateful to be alive. I have known so many people who have lost their lives to this disease of addiction. Gratitude goes a long way in this addicts Recovery!
Finally, thanks for sharing about the enablers only helping to keep us sick. I know when someone in my life refused to enable me any longer, oh was I pi$$ed off! But looking back, that tough love did help to contribute to me hitting my bottom and if I hadn't have hit it, I have no doubt that I would not be on this earth today to be posting on SR and saying,
Amy, You Rock! God Bless You!
Much love and I'm happy to call you my friend,
Judy
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