krhea75

The cops came by my house tonight looking for my son. They wouldn't tell me why, but they said he would need bail later. Oh brother, I feel like someone just kicked me in the stomach....What has he done now? He was already in danger of going to jail because he just violated his probation twice. Now he will have a new charge. My tools tell me to go to my sr friends first, wait and don't blow things out of proportion, breathe, pray.

Thanks for being here friends.
krhea

ctrom40

Your tools are correct - reach out to your SR friends.

Just relax, and don't forget to breath.
No amount of worrying will change what will be...
it will just give you more gray hair

What will be, will be....

yours in SR friendship,

marle

Sending hugs and prayers. Remember his problem, his consequences. Don't put that soft pillow under his butt to cushion his fall. He needs to learn. Hugs, Marle

lil516

Krhea...
I am so sorry that the drama continues....

sending love and support...

worrying will not change what already has happened...

wait for more info then assess the situation and try to do the next right thing (which could turn out to be letting him feel the consequences)

please know you are in my prayers...

Done_With_It

****{KRHEA}}}

lostparent

Sending hugs an prayers.

krhea75

Well, it turns out that his arrest was the result of his violating his probation. He called and wanted me to bail him out to the tune of 750. I told him I didn't have that money. He called his dad who also said he didn't have it. So he is in jail, at least for tonight.

One thing I don't understand, and maybe someone here can help me. We were sent a letter by the court advising of his violation of probation and we have a court date of Aug. 25. So why would they arrest him now? Does this mean he has done something else? Or is it just the police catching up with the court? I don't get it.

What happens if I don't bail him out? Will that time apply towards his probation violation? I know I should leave him in there and you all know how wishy washy I can be. I am going to call his probation officer in the a.m. and his dad is going to call a lawyer and ask for advice.

I'm doing okay. My bf took me out for an ice cream and we watched the Olympics for awhile. Now I plan on going to bed, hoping I can sleep. One step at a time. One breath at a time. Thanks for the support gang.
krhea

krhea75

One more thing. He has two violations of the probation. The first was he stopped attending outptatient in June. The second was a positive drug test in July. I don't know if that helps anyone understand my situation.
krhea

sojourner

Hallelujah!!! More nails out of the scaffolding of your son's denial, more negative consequences, another opportunity when you son might hit that proverbial wall!!!

Breathe, come back here, pray, invite God into the problem every time the worrisome thoughts come it - this, too, will pass.....

JMFburns

((krhea))

Don't have any answers regarding probation, violating probation, warrants, time served, etc . . . but do have answers for stressing over him, his situation, what it all means, etc . . . DON'T DO IT.

Let Go and Let God. Take care of you, go to meetings, post on SR, spend wonderful, glorious quiet time on you . . . your AS ain't going any where.

Now, I'll try to remember that advice for myself as well!

beegee

((((Krhea))))
By now you have called his probabtion officer and they have informed you of everything.
Take time for yourself now and go to your meetings and come here. One day at a time and breathe deep. Here for you!!

Chino

krhea, my daughters former boyfriend was in and out of jail for the last five years. His family couldn't bail him out any more because of money, and now he's finally clean. Six months and AA meetings in jail, more than any time previously. He gets out in three days, who knows what he'll do. But six months... that's one hell of a foundation to start from.

liesagain

saying "no" to the bail was a good step.............in your recovery good for you!!!

hugs and prayers

hello-kitty

Yes. It's called "time served". All this will apply to his original sentence.

He is going to have to pay the price for his crimes sooner or later.... This is the logical consequence of what happens when someone violates their parole. Your son signed up for this.

Keep us posted how things turn out.

caileesnana

Prayers for you, breathe, then breathe again!!
susan

tiburon88

Yes speaking to lawyer is an excellant idea.

tib

Freedom1990

I would like to speak to you as a recovering addict whose parents were her best enablers.

You don't have to reply, but I would like you to just think on what I share with you.

I now understand the pain of having a child in active addiction as I have one myself, and I also understand how easy it is to give in and just bail them out, either literally or figuratively speaking.

My parents always cushioned my falls for me, never allowing me to fully feel the consequences of my addiction.

It prolonged my active addiction for a long time.

When I was taken to rehab, I was literally days away from death. My counselor there said that had I not been brought in the day that I was, they were going to call the police to see if they could find me before I died.

I am 6' tall. I weighed 109 pounds at the time, pregnant, had blown out the veins in both my arms, and was too weak to hold my head up for long.

I wore a belt to keep my 28" waist jeans from falling off.

Tough love IS tough.

My parents almost loved me to death.

For me, when my oldest started her plunge into active addiction, I too struggled with the concept of letting go, and I almost lost myself all over again and was very close to relapse.

I realized I could never ever look at myself in the mirror if I continued to soften her falls, and not allow her to fully feel the consequences of her addictions.

Tough love IS tough. It's tougher to bury a child. Mine may find recovery, and she may not.

However, if I find myself at her graveside, I don't want to be standing there because I continued to enable her.

Just my two cents.

krhea75

Thanks freedom,
That was hard to read, but i'm going to reread it over and over again. Update on my son/ The court released him on his own recognizance so we didn't have to pay the 750 bail money. He knows that he has no more room for error. One more positive drug test, or if he doesn't continue on in outpatient treatment, he will face jail time. It is not up to me.

so i sit back and let him go, like you all tell me to do. I am glad that he was arrested. It was a reminder to him that this is what your life will be if you continue on ignoring the law.
I'm off to bed, feeling exhausted after a roller coaster day.
krhea

Impurrfect

(((Krhea)))

Now, aren't you glad you didn't run out and post the bond? Letting HIM deal with his consequences is a good thing.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

cece

I remember " thinking" to myself that my son's probation was so stressful. And I worried so much. He would complain that It seemed harsh that having an open container of beer while walking by the lake would put him in jail. He felt like it was just an arrest waiting to happen. That it was set up for failure. I was so worried and I felt the same way as he did.

Hmmmmm. Doesn't that say something about how he and I really felt about his ability to stay out of trouble?

Probation is really doing time outside, and for some, if you do it right it could get dismissed. But it is still time served , and not time to get away with more things.
Sometimes I think probation just puts off a good lesson for some of our loved ones.

You did good. Hopefully he'll get it soon, but if not, you'll have got it.