Chino

That used to be my daily reality. I'd get mad or scared, find all sorts of resolve, then my daughter would tell me everything I wanted to hear. I believed it because I wanted to think everything was going to be OK instead of seeing the truth.

marle

Callie, I talked to my daughter on her birthday, May 16. I reiterated that we would be there when she was ready for help. She told me the same thing that she had been saying for the last two year, that she was not ready. A week later she called and asked for numbers for rehab, which gave me some hope, but since she had done that before I knew not to get too excited. She called me everyday after that but still had not decided what she was going to do. On May 25th she was ready to surrender. She entered rehab on May 27th and has been clean since. What my story is meant to show you is that you never know what it will take for the addict to surrender. Losing everything was not enough for her. She had lost everything 2 years previously. She just finally had that moment of clarity that addicts speak about. The moment that she knew that she did not want to continue. That she was ready to try something different. It is not up to you to know when that will happen. I never stopped loving my daughter, I never gave up hope, but I did give up trying to control the outcome. Hugs, Marle

Callie

Wow - I never thought about it as a relapse for ME. You are right - all of you. Lightbulb statements for me NH - thank you. Don't be sorry to be in my face. I can take it, I NEED it, I WANT you to tell me straight up ANYTHING that jumps out when reading my posts. You know at this point, I'm not even thinking about my marriage. I wouldn't even consider letting him come back home or pretending like everything is all good. It's like I'm only focused on going through the motions in my life all the while fighting to keep him in recovery in his life.

AH just called a while ago and said he's called his counselor at rehab and he has a call into the director to try and get back in. I hope for his sake that he can get back in.

Callie

Another lightbulb for me. I HAVE spent 21 years "seeing the good in him, knowing it's there" but he's never shwon it consistantly at all ever. Alot of it was because of drug use, but you are right. I'm focusing on what I "know is in there". But NOT focusing on "what I'm seeing and have seen before my very eyes"

beegee

(((Callie)))
I am so sorry to hear your AH made the wrong choice. I know you are devastated and torn. The more I read here the more I see that no matter what we do or think the decision has nothing to do with us. It seems to all be in the addicts hands .
Over and over we read we have to let go, we have to let them fall hard. I think this is hard with my ad daughter but I am sure letting go of your husband, father of your kids is just a huge step that many here have taken here and are trying to hold your hand along the way thru this emotional hurt.

You have been there with kind words for me when I was struggling. I wish I could say something that would make you stronger and braver then you have ever been to walk tall down this road because Callie you aren't alone, not here. You have all the support you need here. (((hugs))) prayers for you all.
:praying

Callie

AH got ahold of the rehab director today. They said he could come back but it will be a couple of weeks before that can happen. They are trying to set an example for the patients still there and don't want them to know AH was kicked out and then allowed him back in so quickly. Not sure how long AH can last. He's done better today. I have been thinking alot about everything you all have told me in this post. I am so thankful for all of your words of wisdom. I am just emotionally and physically beat right now. Think I'll hit the sack early tonight.

kelsh

Hi Calli,

I was the alcoholic in my family & my husband asked me to move out if I couldn't stop drinking so I did...knowing I could drink after work & when I wanted to without the negative words toward me.

I had drank every day for four years and got drunker on the weekends. I had an episode where I couldn't get up off the floor and walk on the 4th of July. I also had a 12 year old daughter with diabetes insulin dependent. She had a special diet and I had to write everything down for the weekly visit to the doctor.

This was my bottom...it was Thursday morning & the doctor's appointment. I could not remember what I had cooked my daughter for supper the night before. I had to look in the garbage to find out.

This was so distressing to me...so I went to Mental Health that day and made an appointment...the office receptionist told me I could call before my appointment if I needed help sooner...it was a week away. I called the next night and was admitted to the local hospital for detox.

This was twenty years ago and I am still sober and take medication for my depression that was also diagnosed with my alcoholism.

I had divorced my first husband when I was too sick to even make a good decision. I regretted it but married another man & he was arrested for abusing our daughter so I divorced him and moved back to where my family was and my first husband.

We got together on the weekends and drank together...but I was drinking too much so we stopped seeing each other for a few months.

Then I was doing really good..going to college for my BA in Psychology and got a good job and got back with my first husband on weekends and then my daughter and I moved back in with him when I got a promotion so wasn't eligible for low income housing anymore.

At this time he was still drinking some so I told him when we talked about it that I did not want to move in if he was still drinking. About a month later he called me and asked me to move in and I said I wanted to talk to my daughter first....She said she wanted to and we called him back and he talked with my daughter and told her that he had quit drinking.

Now this all happened over a period of years which is too long to write. I love my life....my husband and I got re-married six years ago with our best friends as witness.

I wanted to be sober more than anything else in my life...that is how I had to do it so I went to AA, got a Sponsor & worked the steps. The Serenity Prayer got me through many bad times. I hurt for you...I understand the other side and how much it hurts the spouse & the children. :ghug

I will be thinking of you...you have the power & the need to protect your self and your children...without the alcoholic putting blame on everything else to save him. He has to save himself and he is the only one that can.

Lots of hugs and peace & serenity is what I want to give to you. :praying

kelsh