LowBottom

Hi everyone! I am a recovering addict. Who would have ever thought I would be here. Hopefully I am not alone.

My husband and I have been married for one year and four months. He was abstinent from drugs for four years prior to our marriage however six months into our marriage he got loaded (he doesn't just get loaded, he gets loaded and lost for a few days until he comes down) then he went to meetings and stayed clean for about five months and since then his clean time in between getting loaded has gotten shorter and shorter and the time being loaded has gotten longer and longer.

I am Distraught!!

I have never been on this side of the fence and it SUCKS! I am not clear on how to proceed from here. Do I use tough love (hit the pavement until you get clean)? or do I use acceptance and kill him with kindness? Should he stay or should he go? What is the best route to take for the shortest distance to the bottom?

All you advice and comments are welcomed and encouraged.

I NEED HELP!

Chino

What worked for you hitting bottom? What do you think bottom is on this side of the fence?

StillLearning1

((low))
Remember those 3 C's..
I can tell you, I tried both.. tried everything, which was probably why I experienced such a long and prolonged bottom. The focus was on him and his recovery, (whew that will sure get a person/both people sick!)
Welcome to SR- this side of the fence, they both stink don't they??
More will be along shortly, in the meantime read here, lots of stories- and try to get an okay nights sleep tonight

itisatruth

Welcome LB, I'm sorry you are having to experience this "side of the fence". Most importantly, I think, you need to keep taking care of yourself. You mentioned you are a recovering addict. Do you attend NA or AA? I ask because this might be a good time to try out a nar-anon or al-anon if you haven't already. Also, there is a lot of wisdom here on SR, so stick around and read, read, read. This place has helped so many of us through some difficult times.

But again, try to take care of something within your control --- yourself.

rozied

Welcome to SR. You asked about the shortest route to the bottom. I think it is letting go. The people that have helped their loved ones the most are the people that have their loved ones still using.

sojourner

Low Bottom:

Welcome to SR. We do hope you stay and find the path that leads to serenity for you which, wonder of wonders, is also the best thing you can do for those among you - including your husband with addiction.

The only other thing i want to comment on is your definition of tough love - it does not only mean separating ourselves physically from those in addiction (notice the gentler phrasing) but tough love also comes under the umbrella of ceasing any type of enabling - giving money for cigarettes, calling in sick for your husband instead of him doing it himself, lying to people in order to cover up your husband's behavior, bailing him out of jail, etc. It's tough because it is really hard to do (at first) because of the resistance put up by our own mind, our friends/relatives, and sometimes most strongly by those we are enabling!! So you see, tough love is not "kicking them to the curb."

Again, welcome to SR!!!

Impurrfect

(((LowBottom)))

I'm also a recovering addict, who has been on both sides of the fence. My XABF's DOC was also mine, so I had to end the relationship or face a major relapse.

I don't know about you, but I didn't seek recovery until the people who love me loved me enough to NOT put up with my crap. I use...they stay away. I get locked up...they don't bail me out. They didn't offer me a place to stay, or listen to what I said until I SHOWED them with actions.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hello-kitty

hmmm... literally, acceptance really could kill him depending on what kind of drugs he's using.

Did kindness & acceptance of your drug addiction help you get clean? Or did the reality of the consequences of your addiction?

You have to do what is healthiest for you. I found it incredibly helpful when I finally set some personal boundaries about the things and kind of behavior I want to surround myself with and then I took action to make sure I was living up to my expectations (which meant getting him out of my house and my life).

Remember the 3 c's. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it.

LowBottom

Thanks everyone. I guess it is all a process. I did go to a Alanon meeting (there are just more of them around). I enjoyed and will probably continue going.

I am glad someone told me what the 3 c's were I was wondering.

I go to NA, I have been clean for 16 years and he nor anyone or thing else is going to get me loaded but I sure did feel my sanity slipping away. I am a little better he is back on track but...I am not feeling really confident about it but... I guess it is not for me to worry about. I will just react when the next "earthquake" hits. I don't think I can or should keep putting up with his choices.

Thanks again everyone.

hope213

the 3c's helped me alot with my a.s. there is nothing u can do to get him clean. take care of you & if putting him out helps you then do it. you deserve better than to be putting up with his actions. stay strong. welcome to s.r. keep coming back, go to the meetings & let us know how u are. prayers for you both.