Sadness lingers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Spencer IN
Posts: 18
Do you ever get over an alcoholic/pothead...or do they just keep popping into you mind at random points? I realize my alcoholic/pothead quickly replaced me with another and the bottle/pot. So why does he pop into my head at the least expected moment? I am learning to just divert the thoughts and go on-but I don't understand the whys of it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 126
Because we allow it
Part of the behavior of a bottle/pothead partner is the way they work it so that we believe we are the ones with problems. Even after we leave, something will happen and everything they programmed into us pops to the surface. That is why alot of us have trouble leaving A's. By the time we realize that something is wrong with the relationship, we are brainwashed into believing we are worthless and deserve all we get from them.
Part of recovery for codies, I have found, is reversing the brainwashing. Changing the bad person thinking, for the good person thinking that I know I am. Until I am able to completely get rid of all the toxic BS that was implanted many years ago by my exAH, I cannot have a healthy relationship, which my second marriage proved, and I refuse to repeat again. I don't plan on getting into another one until I am finally rid of all toxins. When we stop allowing them to enter our heads, that is when we know we are healthy, IMHO.
Hope this helped, seem to be rambling today, You are on the right path, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Barb
Part of recovery for codies, I have found, is reversing the brainwashing. Changing the bad person thinking, for the good person thinking that I know I am. Until I am able to completely get rid of all the toxic BS that was implanted many years ago by my exAH, I cannot have a healthy relationship, which my second marriage proved, and I refuse to repeat again. I don't plan on getting into another one until I am finally rid of all toxins. When we stop allowing them to enter our heads, that is when we know we are healthy, IMHO.
Hope this helped, seem to be rambling today, You are on the right path, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Barb
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Chic,
Yes, codies are codependent people. And around here, that's often what we are. In a nutshell , a codependent person is one who takes on other peoples problems and responsibilities as her own... someone whose moods and feelings are really intertwined with someone elses.
I also wanted to share a good book I bought : The IDIOTS guide to Healthy Relationships. I realized I really had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like. It's not demeaning in any way. (The Idiots guides are like the For Dummies books - just a style in which they are written that is easy for me to read and understand.)
The book has been great and I can honestly say I've learned a lot.
Yes, codies are codependent people. And around here, that's often what we are. In a nutshell , a codependent person is one who takes on other peoples problems and responsibilities as her own... someone whose moods and feelings are really intertwined with someone elses.
I also wanted to share a good book I bought : The IDIOTS guide to Healthy Relationships. I realized I really had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like. It's not demeaning in any way. (The Idiots guides are like the For Dummies books - just a style in which they are written that is easy for me to read and understand.)
The book has been great and I can honestly say I've learned a lot.
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