She relapsed but I didn't
 

I knew it would happen after she told me she got drunk. Handwriting was on the wall. I didn't have any outward clues until a couple of days ago when she had an emotional outburst that reminded the rest of us of active addiction. The next day I told her that, after she wondered why her dad asked if she was using again.

Last night she told me she needs help because it's true. She tried to kill herself by mixing D's with Xanax but it failed and she woke up. She said she can't even get that right, and then felt shame because of she knows there are people on the 'other side' watching over her. She said she gets the message, she's supposed to live and wants to live.

So she took matters into her own hands and called her doc, got a two week script for subs for detoxing. I told her if she needs to be on it longer, so be it. She was prepared to move out and actually started packing her bags because she knows the boundaries. But I stopped her and reminded her, we will always support recovery.

She got up at sunrise this morning and went out to take photos. She and I both share the same passion for photography. It's really nice to see her bounce back and it was great that she admitted she needed help. I didn't tell her that I had learned after a period of recovery, relapses aren't as much fun. She's learned that all her own.

It's her disease to manage and she hasn't forgotten anything she learned in rehab. It's fresh in her mind and last night she kept said how right they were about everything. She really feels terrible about all the money we spent on rehab (insurance denied it) but I don't. We helped her find tools that she needs for the rest of her life.

She's been going to meetings but had slowed down the pace. Now she wants to start therapy with my counselor since his specialty is addiction, add it to her meetings. I've shared a lot with her, and my husband and son, the things I've learned with him. They haven't gone but she's ready for more intense one on one treatment.

We're going back to our hometown in a couple of weeks for two family members birthdays, they are milestones. My back on the wagon daughter said she's finally going to tell everyone about her disease, not during the parties thank goodness. She's tired of the secrets -- you're only as sick as your secrets.

I'm doing fine, not one bit of anger or anxiety, not even knowing she wanted and tried to die. I've read enough in the Substance Abuse forum to expect that so it was no surprise. I'm just happy she's alive and it's a brand new day.

Besides, something happened the other day that brought me great joy. As I've been working my program, I spend a lot more time in mediation and prayer. The other day, as I walking down to our boat dock, I found an eagle feather in my path. I'm American Indian and this is a huge thing.

In my culture, I didn't find the feather, it found me. The eagle is a messenger to God, because it flies higher than the rest and sees the furthest distance. It takes our prayers to the Creator on it's wings. When a feather falls from the sky, it's a prayer totem so to speak. It lets me know my prayers are being heard. I'm going to keep praying for the next right thing, for all of us.

wow, Chino, you AND your daughter are an inspiration .... thank you for sharing this...I really appreciated it..:hug:

Chino

My niece has relapsed but not bounced back yet. Your story is an inspiration and hope that it can happen. Thanks for sharing it.

Chino,

I'm so grateful your AD has gotten back on the wagon and realizes, like you said, relapses aren't all they are cracked up to be.

And your recovery is shining. This mom is impressed and grateful that you've been able to maintain your serenity in the midst of this bump in the road. Thanks for sharing.

I'm keeping both of you in my prayers, praying especially for your AD, that she'll have a strong desire to seek recovery and do whatever it takes to maintain it.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

Chino, Thanks for sharing this here. Not only does it offer hope for our addictied loved ones, it speaks volumes about how your recovery has changed you. Your love and compassion shines through your post and your commitment to your own recovery is wonderful. I love that you found the eagle feather...What a beautiful sign.

Wow! What a great post!

Isn't it an incredible feeling when you come face to face with their disease and you find that it's not taking you with it this time? That you are handling it different and you feel your own recovery staying strong.?

When that happened to me and I got a real eye-opener on how damaging my reactions used to be even though at the time I was so sure my way was right. During that time I realized how my recovery helped my son in ways my past practices never could. I was there for him in a very sane way for once!

This is wonderful news for you. And then to also get the added bonus of still having faith in your HP that everything happens for a reason; that it'll all turn out the way it should?
you both seem to be walking the good road, so good for you!

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, I'm positive it's a power greater than ours that has been helping. I have learned to trust and listen for that voice that speaks to my heart. When I slow down and allow it to come to me, it calms me and brings me to a place of compassion. I have to surrender every day or I will become that other person again.

I'm 44 years old and have been fighting this battle off and on for almost all my life. This isn't about my daughter, it's all about me and always has been. It's being honest with myself and when I see something wrong inside, having the guts to change it. When I stop fearing myself, I stop fearing the rest of the world.

" When a feather falls from the sky, it's a prayer totem so to speak. It lets me know my prayers are being heard. "
A few yrs. ago I chose feathers to be my symbol. Since then, when I notice one on the ground, I think it is significant. Now I know why.

I get-it that addiction is a "family disease" Just as we use to share our weaknesses it is wonderful when we can share our strength in recovery, especially when it is by example.
Our grown kids have to learn from experience. Learning to bounce back from relapse is part of recovery.

How great that you and your daughter can both bounce back !!

(((Chino)))

I'm glad she jumped right back on to "recovery road". For some stupid reason, some of us A's have to try it "one more time" to see if anything's changed....we find out it just gets worse.

Personally, I think YOUR recovery is a very good role model for her and is helping her with HER recovery. I know that's not why we go into codie recovery...it's all about focusing on US, not THEM, but this seems to have all come together when she's ready for a good change.

That is too cool about the feather!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Dear Chino, I am happy for you & your daughter. Relapses are common, the good part is your daughter saw her relapse for what it was & got right back on the road to recovery.
Prayers for you & your family