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Recieved Letter From My Son

Old 08-09-2008, 05:06 AM
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rozied
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Recieved Letter From My Son

I recieved a letter from my AS yesterday. I finally had the courage to open it this morning. He writes that Parole has been denied cuz of what happened at Work Release. He says they plan on maxing him out for $24 worth of stolen steaks. He claims it is way too harsh to give someone 23 months for stealing steaks. That there are drug dealers that ruin people's lives that get less time. He says he needs $800 to hire a lawyer & he has $200 saved & if all 3 of us each put in $200 he can fight it. He begged me not to let him be railroaded.
If this is all true I feel 23 mts for $24 worth of retail theft is way too much time to give anyone. When he puts it like that I want to help him.
Help!
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Old 08-09-2008, 05:27 AM
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I see it as 23 months for a life that has cost the people who love him more than $24 in steaks. I see it as consequences for HIS past actions. Let the authorities handle it. They know more about it than you. You are only getting HIS side of the story. 23 months with no cocaine may be his turning point. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-09-2008, 05:35 AM
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Rozie, with love in my heart I am asking you...."and if you get him out? Then?"

Sweetie, his HP has him where he needs to be right now. Sure it may seem unfair, but 24 months using, on the street, is more dangerous than where he is.

My thoughts, step back, put your hands in the air....and hands off the addict.

:codiepolice
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Old 08-09-2008, 06:21 AM
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(((Rosie)))
23 months is not for the steaks. Would you or I get 23 months?

Sweetie, you JUST got everyone on the same page...don't break the chain. His HP has a plan.

(((Hugs)))
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Old 08-09-2008, 06:44 AM
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rozied
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Thank you, Thank you Thank you,
It is so easy to get lost and confused with your thinking when they are your children.
Ann, you are so right then what??? He has put himself where he is by his actions. If my youngest son did the kinds of things Joey has done I'd feel the same way about him.
Let his HP figure this out.
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Old 08-09-2008, 07:30 AM
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Rozied,
I'm glad you are stepping back. He is getting 23 months for other things that you don't know about. It is 23 months he will be alive, and hopefully not using. He is trying to do what addicts do, call the shots.
Stay strong, his HP is working for him and yours is working for you
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Old 08-09-2008, 07:44 AM
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I'm sorry all this is happening to you. I hope his time away is an awakening for him.
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:05 AM
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rozied
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Guys You are so right. This is where his choices have put him. I don't know why I ever let it get me confused. Of course the 23 mts is for alot more. Possession of a Controlled Substance, was another thing he was charged with when lifting the steaks. I know they also look at your record & your past preformance. Anyone who has been arrested 17 times in a 7 yr period obviously has not learned anything from being incarcerated.
How can I get so befuddled from one 2 pg letter when I know exactely what has been going on??? Reading what I wrote & what you answered is so clear now. I am not confused at all.
Marle, I don't know where my head was when I posted this am. You are right. I FINALLY have everyone on the same page & I sure as heck am not going to give back the ground I have fought so hard for.
Thanks for keeping me on track,
Love,
Diane
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:31 AM
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You are human - that's why you "get off track" - but only for an instant - and you picked up the tools of the program. A momentary lapse into "Momism". We all have it.

My AS could play me like a violin - knew exactly what to say to touch my heart - so that ultimately he could get what he wanted. It was so all about him - and his disease - and his need for drugs.

Remember "when the scorecard read zero" that's when they finally give up. From the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I agree with everyone - 24 months might be just what his HP has in mind for him.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

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Old 08-09-2008, 08:41 AM
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(((Rozied))

Everyone already said what I was going to say...it's not the $24 in steaks, it's the habitual violator AND breaking the terms of his parole.

I was given probation..if I screw that up, I go to prison to finish off the 5-year-term. Probation and parole are chances to prove we've learned a lesson and are willing to do "whatever necessary" to NOT get in trouble again. He didn't learn his lesson, he screwed up within days of getting a job, so he is doing his time.

Maybe now, that no one is willing to bail him out, he WILL learn his lesson. We reap what we sow.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 08-09-2008, 10:32 PM
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Rozied,

23 months in a place where you:

1. Know where he is
2. Know he's much safer than on the street
3. Knoe he has a bed
4. Know he has 3 meals a day
5. And he has a chance to get his mind and body clear of the drugs.

Gee, I think we have reason to celebrate, don't we?

Love to you, Rozied. I'm a mom and I can get confused in a heartbeat. Thank the Lord for places like this and meetings where good recovery friends can help me straighten up my crazy thinking.

Hugs,
Hangin' In
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Old 08-10-2008, 12:47 AM
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((((Rozie))))
Nothing new to say then whats been said. just lots of hugs.
You seem to be working through a very hard moment so good for you.
As a mom it is so HARD for me to not get pulled in.
My first reaction can be so over loaded with feelings if I'm not careful. And My son knows how to play the sad song very well.
But lately he's getting That I don't listen in the same way as I used to. I can listen and hear but not fix, I tell him that's his job now.
I am glad you are getting family support.
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Old 08-10-2008, 02:06 AM
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He's got to dig deep if no one comes to his rescue.
He got himself into this mess. Now what ??? Leave that to him to comprehend.
He sends a letter and you and the family can all go back to the old way... but nothing changes if nothing changes.
As you all learn a new way, so might he.

Good thing you paused until you knew your next best action...which will be inaction.
Stay your own course...you're doing well.
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Old 08-10-2008, 05:38 AM
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(((Rozied)))

Thank you for your pm I just worked 12 hours after 3 hours of sleep, but wanted to send you more hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 08-10-2008, 08:41 AM
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i can understand how u feel. it is hard to know our sons are in prison ( jail). i have learned to let my son deal with his own problems. they are all about blame & will will blame you. if you get him out then what?????? he will probley do the same things again. they have to want to help themselves. as much as we want to we can not help them, only ourselves. i am sorry about all of this. prayers for you & your son.
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Old 08-10-2008, 08:53 AM
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rozied
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Thanksa so much Hope, You are so right, get him out for what. We have been going through this for so long it is time for it to stop.
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Old 08-10-2008, 09:34 AM
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I agree with Amy. The 23 months is the result of a cumulative series of poor judgement. I had a clean record but the grand jury still declared me a bad person and sentenced me to seven years in prison. The Public Defender didn't care-it was just another case to him. The judge, however allowed me to make a short statement where I expressed heartfelt regrets and the consequences of the loss of my RN license. I had been employed in ICU and was training for Trauma when my love for Morphine and Demerol caught up with me. Anyway, he reduced the sentence to 18 months probation which I completed in 1998. If I would have failed to complete the probation, I would have been tossed in the prison for the seven years, so I worked very hard on honesty and self control during those 18 months so I wouldn't have incarceration on my record also. Jail can be a learning experience if one chooses to make it so.

It has taken 12 years to get out of the legal system and have the felony expunged, file bankruptcy and rebuild my credit and find a respectable job with a future. The experience also contributed significantly to the divorce from my law enforcement husband. It was a difficult experience, but I had been warned and just could not stop. I believe it is the same situation with you son. He has probably been warned in the past also. Hang tough or his next request will be for a $25,000 bond for a much serious charge.

See if he can abide by the prison/jail rules because that is a pretty good indication whether he can put up with the rules of society when he gets out. He will be very angry with you, but he needs to learn how to deal with anger also as there are alot of angry situations in the outside world also.

Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
(((Rozied))

Everyone already said what I was going to say...it's not the $24 in steaks, it's the habitual violator AND breaking the terms of his parole.

I was given probation..if I screw that up, I go to prison to finish off the 5-year-term. Probation and parole are chances to prove we've learned a lesson and are willing to do "whatever necessary" to NOT get in trouble again. He didn't learn his lesson, he screwed up within days of getting a job, so he is doing his time.

Maybe now, that no one is willing to bail him out, he WILL learn his lesson. We reap what we sow.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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