Dont even know where to start
 

Well I dont even know where to start. Me and My boyfriend had been friends for over a year. I knew that he was going through some stuff with coke and crack but thought it was in the past for him ( i think i thought i could keep him out of trouble.. STUPID ME) I myself have done drugs recreationally but could leave it at that. I dont think that I got the full picture and depth of his problem and always thought that when his parents were calling to see where he was becuz he hadnt come home that night, they were totally over reacting. I thought it was excessive, I mean he wasn't doing it anymore. I now found out that the first time i went over to his parents house for dinner, and the first time i got to meet his sister he was late because he was doing crack. He was sweating and couldnt even eat and we just thought he was sick. My point to that is he had moved in with me basically while lying to me that he wasnt doing it anymore. That was pretty much around the same time he moved in. he had disappeared for a night, and i thought he was just drunk and not able to drive, he told me otherwise. He was always very honest about doing drugs for some reason. The last time was a 2 day bender where I and some other friends got to drive around town looking for him. I was at work basically crying and had to go home because i couldnt keep it together long enough to be of any use. He took his bike in the middle of the night while i was sleeping (he had done this before) and traded it for crack. The next day he came home while i was at work and grabbed his video camera and some other things to pawn. Again I had to leave work cuz i was just broken and he had told my mom to tell me he would be back later. I came home, told my mom everything couldnt lie anymore. He came home like 6 that evening. I hugged him i thought i was going to punch him, talked to him and then i made him call AADAC ( i already been talking to someone earlier becuz i didnt know what to do) we went the next day to a counselor, and he seemed like he was prepared to do whatever it took. Well, seems like that changed. He didnt go to any group meetings (which i understand becuz i personally dont want to go to group family meetings) and actually went home for a 3 week visit. My problem is im hurt, i dont trust him, i love him to death but he seems to think being back home sober is a true feat. Which it is but its not reality and Im so scared for when he comes back. Ive told him this. He tells me he doesnt want to do it anymore. you know, I dont even have a question after writing this out. I was hoping the reason he was such selfish jerk was becuz of the drugs, but im begining to think its just him. While hes off visiting having a great time im here in fear and turmoil about the future, and he wants act like nothing happened , which i know is a very bad sign. This is for him to fix, Its for him to make up to me.

I've found over the years that whatever character defects someone already has are just magnified 1000 times over when using.

My ex husband was an a$$hat. I had hoped the drugs were the reason for that, but guess what?

He was an a$$hat, drugs or not.

Lazy, irresponsible, liar, cheater, etc etc etc.

im sitting here asking myself why even put up with this? I owe him nothing, and it would seem he would think the same of me.

solost08 - I can so relate to your 2nd to last sentence (and about the entire picture really) "While hes off visiting having a great time im here in fear and turmoil about the future, and he wants act like nothing happened , which i know is a very bad sign"

My g/f has been talking about NA for a few weeks now. Tonight she basically told me she decided to hang with her family and do drugs rather than see me. Man, that hurt a bit. It was also a smack in the face. Usually she just avoids me or blames something on me. I think this is the first time she actually put it right out there like that.

"im sitting here asking myself why even put up with this?" Me too (sigh). I get a little closer everyday to pulling the plug. Seems like there is just little to hold onto anymore. I learned (finally) to not put up a fight, but it still leaves me with an empty heart. I can't speak for you, but it seems like I have as much of an addiction to my g/f as she does to Pot. Everytime I feel like calling her or lashing out I keep it in check and compare it to withdrawl. It's helping me get distance and ulitimately it seems like she will not get it together and I will need to move on.

2 things I have read here over and over that I like are "nothing changes, if nothing changes", and that "you will leave when you are ready to leave".

Thinking about you..:)

(((solost)))

I'm a recovering crack addict, and until we REALLY want to stop, we won't. For most of us, we don't even think about really quitting until the consequences are so bad it's not worth getting high anymore.

I hope you keep reading and posting here..there are a lot of wonderful people who have been, or are going through something similar.

Crack is evil (I call it the demon)...it will drag you down fast and hard, and the person using it will take everyone with him if they let him.

Take care of you and let him take care of him. He's going to do what he wants to do, no matter how much you love him, what you say, or what you do.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Even if he continues to not use I dont know how to get past the mistrust and the pain he's put me through. Even now hes gone away and I haven't spoken with him for a few days. When he first got there the first night that I didn't talk to him and he didn't answer his cell phone that terrible feeling in my gut came back, like he was up to something ( i tried to tell myself he wasn't because of him being in NF and it being a lil tiny town) I look at alot of people on here and theres posts and there describing years of going through this and i dont know how they could do it? I just mean strength wise, I think I would fall apart if i have to go through him disappearing for nights on end again. My question is when there in active recovery how do you rebuild the trust? When do you stop looking at there phone? or digging through there things? Or not freaking out the instant they don't answer there cell phone?

This is some of the things I have learned.

Sometimes they will say they want to stop, and sometimes they really want to. The trick is to want to stop when the craving kicks in, and to stop ALL the time, and to want to stop ALL the time... It's not called a "controlled substance" for nothing.

LOCK UP YOUR VALUABLES, JEWELRY ETC.!!!! I had a hard time letting go and I am still having a hard time. My mistake was that I never thought he would take MY things and pawn them... He did... Please learn from my heartache.... If for today you don't know what to do, this is fine... I don't either. But protect yourself and your valuables...

I think the trust needs to be rebuilt. I may be wrong, but I think part of "recovery" is becoming more honest and upfront about your feelings, activities and such. They need to learn to be accountable to thier actions and doings. So if a person were in recovery, I would think (and please correct me if I am wrong) that the addict would be less devious and upfront about things. That over time will show you things are in fact what they appear to be and the trust would be re-established. Just my 2 cents...but I have little experience with this stuff.

It is very hard to rebild trust in a relationship once it has been so seriously broken & not once but over & over.
Drugs destroy & crack is one of the absolute worse offenders.