rozied

Well it looks like everyone involved in the decision regarding my son is in agreement. He had gotten a charge of Misconduct in wk release & because of it he was sent bk to jail & his upcoming Parole for Sept 10th has been denied. He wants the family to help pay for a lawyer to appeal this action. He feels the punishment for being fired from his job was too harsh. He was fired for getting into an arguement with a fellow co-wker. A Guard told me he was using racial slurs. If he had behaved himself he could have stayed in Wk Release & had some money saved for himself for when he got out.
My dad & mom have said they don't want to lay out anymore money. My ex told me if they do buy the car, he is going to send the money to my dad & he would not use it to pay for a lawyer. My ex has also been in touch with the Public Defender but says our son doesn't want one. Every single time my son asks for help he has gotten it & he never learns. It is always the same old thing, using, stealing, and being sent back to jail. Everyone in our family has had enough. This going in & out of jail has gone on for over 7 yrs.
Then why does a little part of me still feel bad???? Why am I thinking when he hears the news maybe he will do something stupid? Why can't I just let go without any of these crazy feelings??? OMG, if we helped him again we would be crazy. No matter how much help he has gotten, nothing ever changes! Why do I fear he might do something irreversible???
I have alot of faith & live everyday by my faith. Why can't I just give him to my God & trust that he will get well. I guess cuz there is no way to know that for a fact. I don't know what God's Will is for his life.
I just neded to vent, thanks for listening.

sojourner

Rozied:

That's great news for everyone to be on the same page. Addiction cannot survive without the ability to cause people to enable and cannot survive in isolation. Things may get worse before they get better, but having no more enabling is the kiss of death (figuratively speaking) on addiction!!

Impurrfect

(((Rozied)))

I'm glad everyone is finally on the same page!

I think the fear is just part of what we go through. I have to pray (a LOT, sometimes) and reach out to others to be reminded that God has a plan, and He doesn't need my help.

When I was locked up once, I called dad and he said he would not bail me out. I swore I would kill myself before I spent another night in jail. I didn't. I spent that night in jail and was released the next day.

He will have a fit, probably. He's not used to having to face his own consequences. Believe me, you are doing what's best for him. As far as him doing something "irreversible"...don't you think he can do that if someone gets him out of jail? In fact, it's even more likely, because he will be thinking he can do whatever he wants and someone will bail him out.

Let him feel the consequences, get mad, and then, hopefully he will realize he got himself in this position and he's the only one who can get him out.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

deezaldog

It is hard to cut the apron strings but sounds like great progress is being made in the family.
Stay strong and let God take control. LOL

Jody Hepler

What progress for all of your family including the ex.

And of course you are scared, have some doubts - that's called loving him and being a Mother. I get those too - even sober addicts don't always make great choices!! But how quickly I forget what those using years were like.

Love and hugs - I'm so proud of you for hanging in and doing what you knew to be the best - even if you didn't want to. Acting as if. Remembering that feelings aren't facts. And letting go at yet another level.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

IPT

Rozied - you have been there for me many times in my posts. Wish I had more to offer you here. Sounds like you are doing the right thing, but it isn't always easy. My prayers go out to you and your family.

rozied

Recieved a letter from my son yesterday & am afraid to open it.

Ann

Rozie, maybe think about why you are afraid (said by a codie who lived in fear for many years).

Just for today, maybe turn it all over and let God sort it out. Maybe just take a day for you, to do what makes you feel good and leave the rest to the universe to unfold.

Hugs

rozied

Thanks Ann

rozied

Dear Awake, I will try that. You know doing this is kind of like jumping out of a plane, take a deep breathe, say a prayer, and just say no. I am wking on a letter to tell him how I feel & why.
He is in his Makers Able Hands!!!

Chino

You're jumping out of a plane but with a chute and a spare for emergencies

Prayers for a gentle landing.